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Wobbles is an agent in the Department of Floaters, though she has also worked in the Nursery and is familiar with the A/V Division. She is written by Scapegrace.

Agent Profile[]

Physical Appearance[]

Wobbles is a large woman in all senses of the word. Standing at 6'1" tall and weighing in at "oh, gosh, lots," she is an imposing physical presence... or she would be, were it not for her outfit. Perhaps unsurprisingly, she is dressed as a clown, with big striped dungarees, a huge wig (generally with a comically tiny bowler hat perched on top), a stripy top, and a horrible orange bow tie the size of a plate (not pictured, thank God). It spins. This amuses her more than it probably should.

However, unlike a lot of people of her size, Wobbles is very acrobatic. Clowning is physical comedy, and circus clowning – which is how she was trained – involves being able to do everything that everyone else in the circus can do, well enough to do it badly. While she's not got much in the way of stamina, she's a fairly good sprinter and well-trained gymnast, and is the current holder of the land speed record for a human-powered unicycle. She's also a lot stronger and more resilient than she looks, since part of her act involves juggling a series of objects on a small table, including the table itself, and then slipping on a banana skin and dropping them all on her head.


Despite making a living by falling over, getting covered in gunge, and repeatedly headbutting items of furniture, Wobbles is the happiest and luckiest of happy-go-lucky souls, and the only reason she's not the goest as well is because goest is not a word. This probably has a lot to do with her background and the time she spent in FicPsych, but she refuses to let her past define her in any way. She is almost entirely like her on-screen persona in real life, always ready with a smile and a surprisingly detailed balloon animal to give to someone, child or adult alike. Indeed, she has refused to feel any negative emotions for the past several years. Whether or not this is entirely healthy for her is difficult to pin down, but she's shown no signs of reaching for the nearest flamethrower, so nobody at FicPsych really minds. Plus, all the balloon animals really make the place look nicer.

Agent History[]

Initial Rescue[]

Wobbles was recruited in 2006 HST from a mission that initially went badly awry. A pair of agents from the DMS were dispatched to a Twilight angstfic, and the Sue that inhabited it turned out to be much more powerful than originally thought. During a protracted mission, one of the Sue's supporting cast of OC bits gradually came to care for the agents, and helped them in the final fight against the Sue in question. She was spared and delivered to FicPsych, wherein she was treated for extreme angst and related mental illnesses (Suvian depression, self-abuse tendencies, and so forth). While they examined her, they also ascertained that she suffered from acute arcane technometaplasia, also known as Dresden's Disease, a debilitating condition that renders technology completely unusable if the sufferer touches it.


After eighteen months of intensive therapy, the previously-nameless bit (now Sally) was pronounced cured, and indeed she looked it. She applied to work in the Department of Angst, but the Marquis de Sod refused her request and put her to work in the Nursery, the better to entertain the poor unfortunates within. While disappointed, Sally decided make the best of it; having escaped from a fic where she could only feel a deep, cloying, unreal sadness, she had vowed early in her treatment program to make as many people smile as she possibly could. As part of the relaxation schedule for young children, the PPC provided television, and Sally was selected to present an evening schedule of cartoons, live-action shows, and general inoffensive children's-show larks. Taking cues from the better silent-movie comedians and some elements from The Shiny Show, Sally threw herself into her role as Wobbles the Clown, a bumbling, silly slapstick artist in the mould of the great old-school clowns. Gradually, she became a fixture of the Nursery's television schedule, as did her homemade sock-puppet, Professor Puppet.

Nursery Career[]

As the PPC's budget became tighter and tighter, Wobbles – by now, she refused to answer to anything else – came under pressure from the Flowers to justify her show's existence, despite the fact that technically speaking they were the ones who'd commissioned it in the first place. The cartoons were cheap to get, and the live-action shows cheaper still, but the PPC needed every penny. With agent pay in freefall and turnover deeply in the red, Wobbles eventually cracked and agreed to start going on missions to ensure that her show could go on. She went into overdrive, churning out scripts for skits and filming them as quickly as she could, and she had built up an almighty buffer before her first mission came in. She mounted her unicycle and sped off in search of RC 1875, hoping that her first excursion into another fic as a PPC agent didn't take more than three weeks.

Mission Reports[]

Partnered with the Notary[]