The Thistle, formerly head of the Department of Mary Sue Experiments and Research, is now a co-head and founder of the Department of Analytical Science. He would love to set up a Division of Advanced Floral Theory, but has been repeatedly forbidden by the Board of Department Heads. He is usually found in the department labs, taking the credit for his subordinates' research in the manner of principle investigators throughout the multiverse.
- "Fifth Anniversary Celebration" (RP)
- "Behind the Times"
- "Designing the Perfect Flash Patch" (DAS-JIVE 1)
- Appears as a co-author.