Part XXII of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1445-1546.
Cross-posted from the Board on May 25, 2012.
1445. Under no circumstances am I to swap bodies with a canon character.
- Or a canon extra.
- Or a Mary Sue.
- Getting into a zarquil game is right out.
- I may swap bodies with the love of my life if we're into that sort of thing, but only temporarily, if we're both PPC, and if we both agree to it.
1446. I will not spam the Doctor with recordings of Daleks shouting "Exterminate!".
1447. I will not foist Queen Chrysalis off on Deep Space Nine.
1448. I will not arrange a meeting between C'mell and Alf to "see what happens."
1449. I will not try to correct Derpy's eyes.
- The last time someone did that, the fans went rabid.
1450. I will not take Oedipus, post-Thebes, to Minkata and tell him to find the kivas.
1451. Nitro-9 may not be used for interior decorating.
1452. The "Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake" rhyme is not an appropriate greeting for the Flowers.
1453. I will not attempt to use Galadriel as a strobe light.
1454. Gabby Gums. Alice. Just no.
1455. I will not arrange a meeting between Harry Potter and an amphistaff to "see what happens."
1456. I may not show any canon character a big change of character in their future.
1457. Unless the flamethrower is built into my body (naturally or artificially), I leave it in the response center/TARDIS when meeting a Flower.
- I am not allowed to have a flamethrower built into my body. If my body wasn't like that at recruitment, I don't get to make it that way later.
- No, I am not allowed to use time-travel to put a flamethrower in my body before I get recruited.
1458. I will not feed Scabbers to my minis.
1459. Robin Oakapple is not a thrush.
- And it's not his real name, anyway.
1460. I will not break a Pinkie Pie Promise.
- I will also not make a Pinkie Pie Promise in the first place if I can't keep it.
1461. I will not attempt to make an agent sick by booby-trapping their food with one of Fred and George Weasley's trick sweets.
- In fact, I am not allowed to play any of the Weasley Twins' pranks on anybody at all.
- Unless the target is a Sue.
1462. I am not a consulting detective.
- People find it rude when I try to deduce their life stories with a single glance.
1463. I will not bring up jam around agents who work in the Sherlock fandom.
- Same goes for hedgehogs and otters.
1464. John Watson is not a hedgehog.
- Sherlock Holmes is not an otter.
- Holmesian agents really don't like it when I insist they are.
1465. I will not run around trying to taste everyone's blood, insisting that I am a "rainbow drinker."
1466. I will not install sBurb onto my console.
1467. I will not bring Gamzee Makara into HQ.
1468. I will not "do the windy thing."
- Nor will I do the Spacey Thing, Lifey Thing, Voidy Thing, Ragey Thing, Hopey Thing, Hearty Thing, or any of the many other variations thereon.
1469. Akemi Homura and the Doctor are not allowed to meet.
1470. I am not allowed to call Kyubey out on his not-knowledge of entropy.
1471. Throwing a Magi!Sue's soul gem down a pit, while satisfying, still does not kill her (unless it breaks). Destroy it properly.
1472. In the event a Puella Magi Suefic involves a timeskip or coma scene, I am not allowed to steal the Sue's soul gem for a few days, let her body rot, and then watch as everyone fawns over a girl with half her face gone.
1473. Dumping a body in a Witch's barrier to dispose of it is fine. Dumping a body on top of Kyubey while he's in a barrier is not.
- Yes, he deserves it, but he's never in a barrier and not with the main cast.
1474. Introducing Sakura Kinomoto or Usagi Tsukino to any cast member of Madoka is Right Out.
1475. Queen Chrysalis is not Swiss cheese and I should stop treating her as such.
1476. Telling Charlotte that Queen Chrysalis is in fact a rare black cheese is cruel... to Charlotte.
1477. I will not spam Mami with the message "Mami Mogu Mogu."
- Or with the wide, wide variety of Charlotte/Mami fanart.
1478. I will not feed Kyubey a bomb cleverly disguised as a Grief Seed.
- In fact, I will not try to kill Kyubey in any way. While he deserves it, killing canons is forbidden.
- Besides, he would just reincarnate again.
1479. Am not allowed to introduce Agent Luxury to a White Court vampire "to see what would happen."
1480. I am not the Dragonborn. Consequently, shouting "Fus Ro Dah!" at a crowd in the Cafeteria will just get me strange looks.
1481. "Kamina would have done it" is rarely a valid excuse.
- Ditto "Harry Dresden would have done it"; it makes the Flowers uncomfortable.
1482. I am not to use a portal generator to put a window onto the Lesser Sea of Amorphia in my RC. No matter how pretty I think it is.
1483. While Chibiterasu is adorable, kidnapping him and using him to disable people with sheer force of cute is not allowed.
- Nor may I use Kyubey's disturbing, expressionless stare to terrify people into submission.
1484. I am not to say "Bow-chicka-wow-wow" every time the Doctor and the Master are talking to each other, no matter how slashy that phone call was.
1485. No matter how awesome I think it would be, I am not to use a TF gun to genderbend the entire cast of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
1486. Luxury is not to be allowed anywhere near Thomas Raith, especially during the last scene involving him in Ghost Story.
1487. No matter how much bad stuff she goes through, I am not allowed to print out goodfic and give it to Ivy.
1488. I will not write anything down that has to do with the PPC while in The Dresden Files.
1489. Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie are not allowed to meet Sherlock Holmes and/or Watson.
1490. No, Pinkie Pie will not be summoned if I say the phrase "Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend—"
- —FOREVER! Oh, hey, am I on the Internet?
1491. Homura does not want Madoka's panties. She will probably fill you with bullets for suggesting it.
1492. I will not explain to Kyoko the "value of used panties."
- As soon as she reads this, Luxury will not be allowed into Madoka.
- Neither will I spam Sayaka with Elly/Sayaka fanart.
1493. Charlotte and Elly are dangerous creatures that feed on despair. They are not for hugging.
1494. Hitomi punched Madoka in the stomach once, while being controlled by a Witch, so I should stop referencing it.
1495. I am not allowed to make a contract with Kyubey.
- This counts double if I am male.
1496. I cannot force canon or OC characters to contract, either.
- That would be cruel, and attempting to do it will probably result in the characters wishing for me to be destroyed.
1497. I will not make logic-bomb wishes (I wish that I was not a magical girl, etc.).
1498. I will not treat DoI stakeout duty as a field trip.
- Even if it is in my favorite 'verse.
1499. I will not use Jarate to aggravate Sues during a mission.
- If it is part of my loadout, I will make efforts to find myself a new debuffer.
1500. I will not attempt to use Aperture Science Repulsion Gel for its original purpose.
- Propulsion gel is right out.
1501. I will not set my disguise generator to "Ultralisk" just to see what happens. Chances are I will no longer be able to handle the DORKS.
1502. I will not build Minecraft-verse squid generators in my response center.
1503. I will stop trying to portal to the future of World One to see when Episode Three will be released.
1504. I will not question where my limbs are supposed to be when wearing an anatomically impossible suit of armor.
- Chances are it is the same answer as to why Bleeprin works.
1505. "Yolo" is never an acceptable excuse for anything. Ever.
- This especially applies if you are a Time Lord.
1506. "AMERICA!" is not an appropriate battle cry for an organization that spans multiple universes.
- In that same vein, American is not the only language I know, and I will not insist that everyone speak it.
1507. I will not Communist-Roll Ivan Braginski.
1508. Ezio Auditore da Firenze must never meet Feliciano Vargas.
1509. Glitterbombing is not an effective assassination method. It will only make them stronger.
1510. I will not switch the Finland from Scandinavia and the World with the one from Hetalia.
1511. I will not give Shockolate to the children in the Nursery.
1512. I will not make an abstract painting of our stupidity.
- In all likelihood, it will mostly be my own.
1513. I will not draw England's eyebrows on people as they sleep.
- Especially not if the person happens to be America.
- Or anyone from the Hetalia fandom, for that matter.
- I will not draw England's eyebrows on people if they are awake, either.
1514. I am not allowed to teach Sherlock Holmes to count cards and let him loose on Vegas.
- This also goes for Ender Wiggin.
- And Granny Weatherwax.
- And Lelouch Lamperouge.
- I am also not allowed to teach any of the aforementioned characters how to play Cripple Mr. Onion (though Granny Weatherwax doesn't need teaching).
- Or Tzeench. Although he probably knows how already.
1515. I am not allowed to take an iPod and speakers into fantasy canons and pretend to be a wizard.
1516. I am not allowed to take Marik Ishtar—from EITHER Yu-Gi-Oh! continuum—into the Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines universe.
- Or Mel Gibson.
1517. I will not give Mordin Solus coffee.
- I will especially not give him coffee as an incentive to make him sing "Scientist Salarian."
- I will especially not give him coffee if he is standing next to a female krogan.
1518. I will not punch the salarian dalatrass in the face, even if she is something of a bitch.
1519. I will not hit on "Eve."
- I will especially not hit on her if she's holding a shotgun.
- Hitting on her within Wrex's line of sight is right out.
1520. I will not eat any food in the Capitol.
1521. I will not intentionally sniff one of President Snow's roses.
1522. I will not disturb a nest of tracker jackers.
1523. I will not laugh at the fashion in the Capitol.
1524. I will not interact with a Gamemaker in any way.
- I will especially not mess with the Gamemakers' tools.
- The only exceptions to this rule are Seneca Crane and Plutarch Heavensbee, in the unlikely event that they become part of a badfic and thus need to be neuralyzed.
1525. I will not slap Conrad Verner in the face.
- Nor will I shoot him in the knee.
- Or point a gun at him.
- Or tell him how stupid he is.
1526. I will not attempt to reenact any part of "Blasto the Hanar Spectre."
1527. I will not adopt any kind of fashion fad that becomes big in the Capitol.
1528. I will not assemble a team of the greatest fictional detectives of all time in an attempt to solve any real world mysteries.
- Or any other world's mysteries.
1529. I will not give Gollum a harmonica. If I do, I don't get to bother anyone in Medical about repairing my eardrums.
1530. I will not portal copious amounts of ketchup into different nations in the Pokémon universe to see how all the various species react to the color red.
1531. I will not use the portal generator to trick the cast and crew of Extreme Makeover into redesigning my RC for me.
1532. I will not attempt to sell high-SPF sunscreen to vampires in any continuum for an exorbitant price.
- Especially the ones in Twilight or on Zendikar, because that just doesn't make sense.
1533. As far as we can tell, Princess Cadence is not a Sue...
- And you're not allowed to kill canon characters anyway.
1534. I will not set up fights between Team Edward fans and Team Jacob fans, no matter how fun it might be.
- Nor fights between Twilight fans and Anti-Twilighters.
- Or, for that matter, obsessive Bronies and Anti-Bronies.
1535. I will not bring up "Cupcakes" around Pinkie Pie. If I do, I am to be held responsible for the consequences.
1536. Just because Kyuubey can come back from the dead doesn't give me the right to kill him repeatedly, no matter how much I hate the little bastard.
1537. I must remember that WWII is not as fun as Hetalia portrays it.
1538. I will stop griping about the end of Mass Effect 3; it's been run into the ground since then.
1538. I will treat this list as the warning it was intended as, not as a series of challenges.
- Related to the above, I will not take carefully edited excerpts from this list and swap them with anyone else's Personal Challenge lists, or steps of any recovery program they may be on.
1539. You may not use canon characters to transport loot back to your RC; you can only take what you can carry (this applies even if the characters are canonical slaves/servants and you neuralyze them afterwards).
1540. France from Hetalia and Lux must never meet. Their combined perversion would probably end badly for anyone in the area.
- They are also not allowed to get into any situation where they could reproduce. *shudder* No one needs frightening, blonde, over-libido'ed children running around.
1541. I will not introduce Agent Lux to Don Juan.
1542. I will not market regular sunflower seeds as "Grow your own leader."
1543. I will not use Luxury as an excuse for why I was late for something if it isn't true. It only invites the possibility for it to happen.
1544. The SO's fronds and roots are not "Combat Tentacles" and I will not try to prove this poor theory to my partner by portalling an angry Klingon into his office.
1545. Duct-taping MREs to yourself and bluffing a suicide bombing is not an appropriate way to get a raise from the Flowers. It won't work.
- Nor is it appropriate to use against a Sue.
- Or an agent.
- Or a canon character.
1546. I will not lock Pinkie Pie and Eeyore in the same room, just to see whose personality influences the other.
- Ditto Kenpachi Zaraki and Shinji Ikari.