Part XV of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1082-1121.
Cross-posted from the Board on August 19, 2010.
1082. El Cucuy and the Pied Piper must never be allowed to meet.
1083. Under no circumstances will any badfic be performed as a play.
1084. I will not make any sort of picture of a Weeping Angel.
1085. I will not unlock the Hobgoblins.
1086. I will not go on a mission in Taxxon disguise.
1087. I will not replace my flash patch with that of a crouching black cat.
- Nor of any known EPC department.
- In fact, replacing my flash patch is only to be done when I change departments.
1088. I will not provoke Molly Rath. This is for my own safety.
1089. I will not bungee-jump off Cloud City.
- Nor will I play on a weather vane.
- Skydiving is right out.
1090. Just because Dalek agents have the Human Factor does not mean they are safe to mess with.
1091. I will not lock Murdoc Niccals and Agent Luxury in the same room. We all know what will happen, anyway.
1092. I will not attempt to give Stephenie Meyer a quick tour of all the work she's making us poor fools do.
- I will not do this to Peter Jackson, either.
1093. I will not coerce Allan Poppleton into teaching OFUM students how to do Bridge to Terabithia, LotR, or Narnian stunts. Really. Or Eragon. I mean it.
1094. I will not portal Lady Gaga into the Reality Room to "see what happens."
1095. Portalling Agent Ithalond to the Sweeney Todd universe is not funny. That Elf has... issues with meat pies.
1096. I will not set fire to the HQ Lounge—once was enough.
1097. I will not teleport other agents into the Realm of Darkness and leave them there.
- Even if they really deserve it.
1098. The PPC does not have a "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy.
1099. I will not try to teach Agent Luxury to be more subtle. It wouldn't work, and would probably only end badly for me.
1100. I will not put Lt. Commander Worf and Kalibak in a cage match to see who would win.
1101. Glee and High School Musical shall never be allowed near each other.
- Nor shall characters from such.
- Especially not Rachel Berry and Sharpay What's-Her-Face.
1102. Do not place flamethrowers in agents' rooms while they are sent out on Bleepfics.
1103. I will not spike Agent Kelok's Nigel pill bottle with triple strength pills. While it may be amusing to watch a Wraith hallucinate an army of highly improbable attack turtles, he is quite good at defending himself, and it's no fun getting caught in the crossfire.
1104. I will not attempt to find out what Agent Unger wears under his kilt.
1105. Even though Agent Cali has bright blue hair and cool shades, he is not a Sue, and henceforth should not be shot on sight.
1106. I will not steal Agent Miah's Anti-Lustin inhaler and send her to a glitterfic. Even if I could sell tickets, it isn't worth the risk of her deciding to chase me through the halls of HQ, thinking I am her LO, instead of her targeting Agent Cali.
1107. I will not attempt to convince DoSAT agents that a winged kitten was the one to tamper with my console. If I do make such an attempt, I will not complain about whatever the disguise generator generates on my next mission.
1108. I will not make messes in front of Agent Cali, just to see how long he can resist cleaning them. If I do, I will arrange the betting pool ahead of time. If he knows about it, it will skew my results.
1109. I will not feed Castor, the mad scientist in winged kitten form, too many pumpkin guts. If I do, I will not blame the resulting drunken mad science on Agents Miah and Cali. Agent Miah likes to shoot people with her dart gun, and act out the lyrics of the "What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor" song, and having your belly shaved with a rusty razor is not pleasant.
1110. I will not put the latest movie versions of Tony Stark, Sherlock Holmes, and Charlie Chaplin in a room to "see what happens."
1111. Molly Rath does not belong in Hinamizawa. Even if the Cotton-Drifting Festival isn't happening at the time, she should be kept far away from Rena Ryugu.
1112. If I want a non-mini pet, I will not purchase one from Count D.
1113. I will not assume merely having the title of agent means I can dodge bullets in Matrix badfic.
- Despite the fact that it probably does, depending on the level of badfic.
- And if I can, I will not rub it in the other Agents' faces.
- Not even a little bit.
1114. Before antagonizing Agent Kimmie, I will remember that she is a bar-brawl veteran and regularly wears high heels. And she's probably drunk.
1115. We understand the temptation to spontaneously propose to Agent Caitlyn in order to see how many different colors her face turns. However, it will cause her to overdose on Logicillin, and nobody wants to know what happens to a knurd agent in PPC HQ.
- (Besides, it's 27, mostly various shades of purple.)
1116. I will trust neither Calvin nor Hobbes with a flamethrower. No matter how much they give me the Bambi Eyes.
1117. I will not allow Agent Chliever into the Lounge.
- Or the Pool (if it exists).
- The only reason he's allowed in the Cafeteria is that he couldn't possibly make the food any worse.
1118. I will not scream "THE BALROG HAS NO WINGS!" at a large crowd of agents "just to see what would happen."
1119. I will not recruit a Crossed.
1120. I will not insult a swarm of Ssamb.
1121. "Death by angry Rachel Berry" is not an execution method.