Part XIV of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1061-1081.
Originally posted to the PPC LJ Community, here, November 23, 2009.
1061. Under no circumstances is the Nestene Consciousness to be allowed outside the Whoniverse.
- Especially not into any 'verse with anthropomorphic plastic toys.
1062. I will not make a megacrossover of every fantasy series known.
- First, many of the continua themselves are incompatible.
- Second, the magic systems are not always compatible.
1063. I will not reverse the polarity on any PPC equipment.
1064. I will not talk anyone into playing high-stakes poker with Macavity.
1065. I will not kick a K-9.
1066. I will not fire an atomic bazooka at a Viking fleet.
1067. Daleks are not saltshakers.
1068. I will not Confund anyone on the Impossible Missions Force.
1069. When on Enterprise-era Trekverse missions, I will not stash dead fish, salami, garlic or any kind of cheese in T'pol's quarters. Poor woman has enough to deal with without her super sense of smell being assaulted as well.
1070. It is considered bad form to turn up to bandslash missions in "Cheer Up Emo Kid" t-shirts. The fact that most bandslash features emo bands and angst is not an excuse. It is not ironic, it is just taking cheap pot-shots at people who are helpless to defend themselves.
1071. I swore to protect canon characters against Suethors. Not against each other. Interrupting canonical battles is a no-no.
1072. Nanites cannot cure embarrassing diseases. I should go to Medical before attempting any home cures for things I may have contracted on missions.
1073. Cross-species male pregnancy is canonical in the Trekverse. I should therefore be very careful about any extended contact of any nature with alien species whether I am male or female.
1074. Decapitation cannot be fixed with duct-tape. See 1072.
- Unless it's Nodwickverse Duct Tape of Healing.
1075. My partner is not my "heterosexual life partner."
- Nor is my partner my homosexual life partner, unless said partner gives vocal assent for this to be so.
1076. Any attempt to steal and use the Pick of Destiny by musically-inclined agents will result in immediate loss of privileges. Like unbroken fingers. HQ does not need a seven-foot-tall incarnation of Beelzebub ringing response centers in amplifiers and demanding demonic heavy-metal contests in order to regain his body parts. Apart from anything else, you won't win.
1077. The Bene Gesserit and the Second Foundation must not make any contact with each other.
1078. I am not allowed to use my remote activator/TARDIS to uncancel my favorite TV show.
1079. If I decide to shove a Sue out an airlock, make sure she won't get picked up!
- This doubly applies in the Hitchhiker's Guide verse, especially after the invention of the Improbability Drive.
1080. Eldritch abominations are not toys.
1081. Captain Jack Sparrow is neither of the family Passeridae nor Emberizidae.