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Part IV of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 291-323.

Originally posted to the PPC LJ Community, here, May 30, 2007.


291. I will not dump Elrond onto the Disc.

292. Quark and Kadish must never be allowed to meet.

293. Mr. Pounder would be most unwelcome on Terramort.

294. I will not sow salt in the Flowers' soil.

295. I will not haze newbies by making them read all of "Celebrian."

- Nor "Cho Chang's Desires."

- Nor any fic from That Series.

- In fact, atrocious badfics are not for hazing at all.

296. I will not threaten to assimilate another agent.

- Nor will I act on that threat.

297. The hourglasses in Death's Domain are not toys.

- Nor are the scythes.

298. I will not use Zeeky H. Bomb to threaten the Flowers.

- Because everyone knows how that would turn out.

299. I will not attempt the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on a Ghostling.

300. I will not tease a Yuuzhan Vong agent's tools.

- They bite.

301. I will not drop Rivendell onto Mon Calamari.

- Nor will I allow Rivendell to be dropped onto Mon Calamari.

- Or Coruscant.

- For that matter, I will not allow Rivendell to be dropped anywhere other than its original site.

302. In fact, I will not allow any large buildings to be transported anywhere.

- Even if it would be really funny.

303. When sharing an RC with two other agents, I will not attempt sabotage on their half of it by covering it, wall-to-wall, with pages from any of the Legendary Evils of the PPC.

- Even if that agent has taken over your half of the RC with pictures of L and Matsuda.

304. I will never teach my mini to eat assignments.

- For the Flowers will kill me dead. Or worse, send me to That Series.

- Nor will I teach them to eat my sister's assignments. (Ha-ha, 402. Who's laughing now?!)

305. I will never attempt to clone a canon to help with paperwork.

- Because I have seen the Anti-Lusting Films and will never again if I can help it.

306. I will not tell blonde jokes when any of the Vanyar are in earshot.

307. I will not give a Yuuzhan Vong a pair of Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots.

308. I will not put the 300 Spartans into Helm's Deep.

309. I will stop singing The Jay and Silent Bob Rap.

310. I will not wonder aloud whether Flowers mate in dark storerooms.

311. I will not attempt to find proof that Flowers mate in dark storerooms.

312. I will not make jokes about Spiderman being an emo.

- Okay, maybe once or twice.

313. I will not nuke Mordor, unless I have arranged for a Mary Sue convention ahead of time.

314. At a wedding, I will not spike any beverage pertaining to the bride and groom with anti-Lustin.

315. I will not administer Bleep-anything to avian or ornithanthrope agents.

- It wreaks havoc on their respiratory systems.

316. Mary Sues are not simply misunderstood.

317. I will not require the Animorphs to register as Animagi.

318. I will not spike a Human teetotaler's beverages with Romulan ale.

- Nor a Vampire teetotaler's with blood.

319. I will not introduce Prince Orlofsky to Romulan ale.

320. I will not draw agents I dislike in compromising positions.

- Nor will I Photoshop heads onto Truth or Dare games.

321. When Titus Andronicus is serving a meal to the Emperor, I will not yell "Soylent Green is people!"

322. I will not have Fleet Admiral Gardner sing "When I Was a Lad."

323. I will not attempt the Imperius Curse on anyone.

- Especially not my LO.

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