Part IV of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 291-323.
291. I will not dump Elrond onto the Disc.
292. Quark and Kadish must never be allowed to meet.
293. Mr. Pounder would be most unwelcome on Terramort.
294. I will not sow salt in the Flowers' soil.
295. I will not haze newbies by making them read all of "Celebrian."
- Nor "Cho Chang's Desires."
- Nor any fic from That Series.
- In fact, atrocious badfics are not for hazing at all.
296. I will not threaten to assimilate another agent.
- Nor will I act on that threat.
297. The hourglasses in Death's Domain are not toys.
- Nor are the scythes.
298. I will not use Zeeky H. Bomb to threaten the Flowers.
- Because everyone knows how that would turn out.
299. I will not attempt the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on a Ghostling.
300. I will not tease a Yuuzhan Vong agent's tools.
- They bite.
301. I will not drop Rivendell onto Mon Calamari.
- Nor will I allow Rivendell to be dropped onto Mon Calamari.
- Or Coruscant.
- For that matter, I will not allow Rivendell to be dropped anywhere other than its original site.
302. In fact, I will not allow any large buildings to be transported anywhere.
- Even if it would be really funny.
303. When sharing an RC with two other agents, I will not attempt sabotage on their half of it by covering it, wall-to-wall, with pages from any of the Legendary Evils of the PPC.
- Even if that agent has taken over your half of the RC with pictures of L and Matsuda.
304. I will never teach my mini to eat assignments.
- For the Flowers will kill me dead. Or worse, send me to That Series.
- Nor will I teach them to eat my sister's assignments. (Ha-ha, 402. Who's laughing now?!)
305. I will never attempt to clone a canon to help with paperwork.
- Because I have seen the Anti-Lusting Films and will never again if I can help it.
306. I will not tell blonde jokes when any of the Vanyar are in earshot.
307. I will not give a Yuuzhan Vong a pair of Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots.
308. I will not put the 300 Spartans into Helm's Deep.
309. I will stop singing The Jay and Silent Bob Rap.
310. I will not wonder aloud whether Flowers mate in dark storerooms.
311. I will not attempt to find proof that Flowers mate in dark storerooms.
312. I will not make jokes about Spiderman being an emo.
- Okay, maybe once or twice.
313. I will not nuke Mordor, unless I have arranged for a Mary Sue convention ahead of time.
314. At a wedding, I will not spike any beverage pertaining to the bride and groom with anti-Lustin.
315. I will not administer Bleep-anything to avian or ornithanthrope agents.
- It wreaks havoc on their respiratory systems.
316. Mary Sues are not simply misunderstood.
318. I will not spike a Human teetotaler's beverages with Romulan ale.
- Nor a Vampire teetotaler's with blood.
319. I will not introduce Prince Orlofsky to Romulan ale.
320. I will not draw agents I dislike in compromising positions.
- Nor will I Photoshop heads onto Truth or Dare games.
321. When Titus Andronicus is serving a meal to the Emperor, I will not yell "Soylent Green is people!"
322. I will not have Fleet Admiral Gardner sing "When I Was a Lad."
323. I will not attempt the Imperius Curse on anyone.
- Especially not my LO.