The Rules of Gathering Intelligence is a set of rules, recorded by Keily, directed at the spies working in the Department of Intelligence. They must follow these rules or suffer the consequences.
- Don't be an idiot. This is the rule you must obey. You may endanger yourself, the PPC's existence and Canon if you do something stupid. This includes, but does not limit to: impromptu heroics and drunk driving (or drunk camel/horse riding).
- Hide in plain sight. You are not there to make contact with your lust object or to make a mess of Canon. Your existence must not be made known, especially to any possible Mary Sues or canon characters. Especially the canon characters. Hands off. Most likely they're taken.
- When on extended stay in any Word World to monitor it, you may experience ripples in the Force/time compression/shifts in geography/time loops/etc. This is normal. It just means that someone is messing with Canon. Do not panic. Especially if you have to keep watching Boromir die before your eyes a hundred times over. Or wear sparkly pink spandex underwear. Whichever is more traumatizing.
- Make note of any abnormality in Canon and follow your leads. If it leads to a small anomaly, it's most likely nothing. In the event that it isn't nothing and a Mary Sue has invaded the Word World that you are monitoring, report it immediately to HQ and hope that somebody gives a flying hoot to come and fix things. Do not engage the Mary Sue.
- To clear up the last rule a bit, when we say do not engage the Mary Sue, we do not mean in matrimony, although it's pretty clear that you shouldn't. Do not marry a Mary Sue or fall to her false charms; in all likelihood, she has Sparkly-AIDs and the last thing anyone needs is a Suvian STD.
- In fact, it is recommended that any spy is to stay as far away from a Sue as possible. A suggested amount of distance between Intelligence agent and Mary Sue is about ten feet, but anything further is highly encouraged. There is NO CURE FOR SPARKLY-AIDS.
- One thing to remember when sending in a report: "Do not meddle in the affairs of assassins, for they are heavily armed and quick to anger. And not noticeably subtle." Send your reports in when you have at least a few plotholes between yourself and any agents intended to receive your missive with mission specs. No matter what the rule is, people DO enjoy shooting the messenger. Or sporking them.
- There is no rule eight.
- Don't mess with Canon. Even if it's REALLY tempting.
- Do not question the Canon. It is not your job to question or judge the validity of a Word World and its inhabitants, no matter how ridiculously they've been written. This applies to Edward Cullen no matter how much anyone thinks he's the Devil.
- For the love of Eru/Elbereth/Gaia/The Planet/Minerva/God/Vishnu/Spongebob/The Force/Farore/Din/Nayru/Naruto/insert your deity/non-deity here — please write legibly and coherently when making your reports!
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