PPC Wiki
This Article is Not Safe For Work
This can be a bad thing and can lead to trouble. If you're not in an environment where you can read this without causing trouble for yourself or trauma in others, you should probably click the back button now.

Rose Potter is the title character of a series of Legendary Badfic by Keiran Halcyon. The series is also known as the Girl Who Lived Septology.

As can be inferred from the title, the author of this series has taken the plot of the Harry Potter books, but replaced Harry with his own creation, a Mary Sue called Rose Potter, in a claimed attempt to improve the character of Harry Potter, as the Suethor believed that Harry "lacked common sense." Only six of the Harry Potter books have been subjected to this treatment, with "Rose Potter and the Half Blood Prince" comprising only seven chapters, and the series now appears to be abandoned; the author has moved on to several other, equally hilarrible projects since.

Recurring Themes[]

Unlike the Harry Potter books, the Rose Potter series takes a relativist stance to morality; excessive and/or deadly force are freely condoned by the eponymous character when locked in a confrontation (and even when not), and dark magic is not at all seen as corrupting, as long as the heart is in the right place. For example, Rose rationalizes her use of the aptly-named Unforgivable Curses and necromancy with the laughably dubious claim that she powers it all with love.

The GWL series also possesses strongly left-wing, hippiesque themes, mostly through Rose and the Druids, espousing pro-naturist, anti-political, and acutely sexually liberal sentiment and practices. The latter theme is particularly strong, with teenage sex and sexuality thoroughly exploited explored. Since the very first installment, the books are pervaded by lesbian under- (and over-) tones, becoming more prominent as the "septology" grows. Furthermore, Rose's underage, heterosexual relations with an older man are recorded in depth from book four onwards, and polyamory is even mildly touched upon.


Book One - "Rose Potter and the Philosopher's Stone"[]

This is, to begin with, almost word-for-word the plot of the original. In it, we are introduced to Rose Potter, who – despite having received training in Ninjutsu since age six from her Muggle sensei (under the pretense of self-defense against her abusive extended family) – is just your run-of-the-mill, condescending orphan. She then receives a letter in the post informing her that she is a witch, promptly sets off (though not before subjecting her family to grievous bodily harm), and immediately sets to work learning powerful dark magic.

She spends the majority of the year stealing the thunder and personality traits of the supporting characters whilst also finding time to magically "cure" bumbling wizard Neville Longbottom of his mental retardation.

She also abhors clothes, since she only ever had horrible ones as a child and therefore takes every opportunity to walk around "in nudatio." Naturally, the complaints start piling up, so Professor McGonagall – who soon becomes her barely-involved adoptive mother – proposes that she becomes a Druidess as an excuse. She even gives her a speshul magic amulet which, thankfully, allows people to see her fully clothed.

The first installment concludes more or less in-line with canon with Rose and friends making their way to the Mirror of Erised, bar Rose flat-out murdering Professor Quirrel with some of that aforementioned dark magic she set about learning. The last chapter comprises "Minnie" McGonagall escorting Rose to a Magical Glen (forests Druids reserve for running naked in), where she is handed over to her new Druidess mentor, Cerelian (not to be confused with Celebrian).

Book Two - "Rose Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"[]

Proceeds in much the same manner as Book One (i.e. plagiarizing the hell out of the original works), with the main two exceptions being: 1) Rose no longer lives with the Dursleys (having assaulted them on two separate occasions prior), but in the Magical Glen that cameoed at the end of the last installment; and 2) Ron and Ginny's roles are entirely swapped.

Interestingly, because of this, it becomes unfeasible for Ron's snapped wand to cause Lockhart to Obliviate himself, so instead Rose takes matters into her own hands and nearly blows his head off.

Ginny is also roped into Rose's Druidic cult of nudity, while Rose now starts having private lessons with Dumbledore, whom she comes to think of as her adoptive grandfather (a feeling which is apparently mutual). Many abilities of Rose's are established during this year, such as Parseltongue, Beastspeak (talk to any creature), Apparition and Teleportation (Apparation that can't be blocked and is unique to Rose; not even Dumbledore can do it, you know). She even reveals herself to be proficient in the Dark Art of Necromancy, which she uses to fully decapitate Nearly Headless Nick.

The book ends much like the last with Rose returning to the previously mentioned Magical Glen, which becomes markedly more prominent as the series continues, but taking Ginny with her in order to train under the Druids too.

Book Three - "Rose Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"[]

In a radical turn of originality, this installment does not go at all like the last two. Indeed, Rose solves every conflict proposed in the original work within the first seven chapters including establishing Sirius Black's innocence with Veritaserum (despite the fact that Veritaserum is hardly what one would call reliable in the Harry Potter universe), AND SHE then goes on to have a wonderful non-canonical adventure for the remaining ten.

Rose has many breakthroughs this year (though few challenges, as per usual), such as inventing the Druidic, Dementor-destroying "Golden Patronus" and becoming an Animagus, her form being a "Silverback Lioness." Dementors are also revealed to actually be what the Druids (and Legacy of Kain) call Soul-reavers; they apparently originated from dark wizards playing with Necromancy (not unlike our so-called hero). Third Year is notable for Rose's yearning for genocide, which is satiated by the book's end.

This installment ends with Rose knowingly allowing Peter Pettigrew to escape captivity, despite the fact that she spent much of the book attempting to have him incarcerated (and hence directly contributing to Lord Voldemort's second rising) and resouling over a hundred hardened criminals.

Book Four - "Rose Potter and the Goblet of Fire"[]

After the author's brief affair with creativity gone horribly wrong (a.k.a. Book Three), this installment reaches a compromise between the attitudes of the first three, mixing canon with original thought, coincidentally setting the tone for the remainder of the series.

As with the original work, Rose is unwittingly (and nakedly) thrust into the Triwizard Tournament. However, she also establishes a relationship with co-Triwizard champion Cedric Diggory, whom she eventually adds to her collection of Druid converts.

Fourth Year is one of the most memorable for readers and sporkers of the series alike, as it includes the infamous night on which Rose – justly accused by Ron of being a closet lesbian witch – exacts horrifically disproportionate retribution on her "best friend" by magically throwing him across the common room and carving words into his forehead (whilst conscious). She also refuses to remove them until he retracts and apologises for his "totally unfounded" slander, and everyone – including Ron's own family – scolds and ostracises Ron for his ostensibly unacceptable behaviour until he does. On a totally unrelated note, this is also the same year in which Rose purposefully barges in on Hermione having private time.

The book reaches a climactic head with Rose saving Cedric Diggory yet still allowing Voldemort to rise (again), this time with the goal of "teaching him a lesson" in magical combat (though, in reality, she ends up getting in way over her head and teleports away with her tail between her legs). RPGoF ends with the titular witch having Hermione explain the "finer points of Shakespeare" to Ron on the Hogwarts train home.

Book Five - "Rose Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"[]

This year starts off with a bang by having Rose become a full, initiated Druidess on carrying out a highly graphic, gory sex ritual with Cedric at Stonehenge, which amongst other things involves bathing each other in blood.

Fifth Year is the longest adaptation in the Rose Potter series and arguably the most significant for several reasons, not least of all with respect to Rose's ever-expanding power-base. For example, this year, Snape offers to teach her Occlumency, promising lessons in Legilimency too, if she does well. This fails miserably, as she simply goes through the motions, pretending to be a good Occlumens so that she can learn to warp people's minds later on (which she excels at). She also learns and practises much more dark magic than the previous years combined and even begins to see Thestrals, ostensibly due to witnessing Cedric's near-death experience with Voldemort last year.

She also turns more moral corners than ever before this year, including: viciously attacking several Ministry of Magic officials, murdering at least three (possibly more) Death Eaters, bullying her unwilling friends into committing murder by her side, torturing another with one of the Unforgivables, taking extreme pleasure in said torture, and even more.

Lastly, Fifth Year is probably most memorable for the duel in the Department of Mysteries, in which Rose gets in way over her head (again) and technically gets Sirius killed due to her aforementioned Occulumency fails. Sirius, incidentally, bequeaths his entire estate to Rose instead of his Druidic offspring.

The book ends much like the last, though minus the literary snobbery.

Book Six - "Rose Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"[]

Whilst RPHBP constitutes the shortest (not to mention last) installment of the GWL "septology," it is by no means forgettable. For example, Rose buys a self-oiling, cleaning, and refilling magical gun from Borgin and Burkes, and alters Ron and Hermione's memories using her newly acquired skills in Legilimency (albeit with consent). But, alas, all great stories must come to an end, even legendary badfic, and after chapter six, the story comes to a screeching halt.

It is not known why the author wrote a partial installment and then chose to abandon the story beyond chapter six. However, it is very likely due to the fact that chapter seven ("The Slug Club") is when Harry discovers his attraction to Ginny. This is something that the author, Keiran Halcyon, did not seem to anticipate nor intend in his own version of events, considering that the official Rose Potter ship since Book Four was Rose/Cedric. Therefore, it is quite probable that unwillingness to write what would become a Rose/Ginny femslash story, combined with lack of drive to alter the canon to fit Rose/Cedric, were the final nails in the coffin for the series. Later plot points would have undoubtedly provided more, had the author continued regardless.

It should also be noted that Book Six marks a strange change in affections between characters. In particular, Rose treats Ron with much more warmth whilst antagonising Ginny, whereas in the past these situations were usually reversed. This change is seen by many as a sign of the author's possible newfound contempt for Harry/Ginny; this ship is canonically confirmed in Half-Blood Prince, which was released around the same time as RPHBP was written. Also, Ron, not Rose, ends up with the Half-Blood Prince's old Potions book.

In addition, Deathly Hallows came out shortly after the seventh chapter of RPHBP was released. It's worth noting that in RPHBP, Dumbledore never told Rose about the Elder Wand, the Hallows, or that she was a Horcrux, and neither he nor Snape ever told her about Snape's love for Lily and the fact that it was that love—even though it was sad and pitiful and obsessive—that ultimately guaranteed Lily's sacrifice and the protection that marked Rose as Voldemort's equal. For all her boasting of, "I'm like Dumbledore's granddaughter, and he loves me more than anyone in the world, and he gives me special treatment, and personally trains me, and I'm his apprentice, and he cares for me more than he cares for Harry because I'm better than he is and he's training me to survive more than he ever trained Harry," Dumbledore was just using her—ultimately training her to be slaughtered by Voldemort (since Rose/Harry was a Horcrux). In other words, it seems Keiran Halcyon was completely surprised by the events in Deathly Hallows, as they invalidated everything he'd written about Rose.

External Links[]

The Badfic[]

The Mission[]

Other Sporkings[]