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Paddlebrains first registered on the PPC radar when drawing the attention of the Department of Bad Slash to a Real Person Slash travesty involving a third-wave emo band in a very compromising situation.[1] In revenge for this atrocity, Paddlebrains was dragged forcibly into the largest single exorcism/assassination ever undertaken by the DBS: that of The Land Before Time (see 'Land Before Time: Littlefoot x Cera'). She subsequently latched onto Agent Trojanhorse, and is currently turning a corner of RC 45 into an ashtray while being subjected to Legendary Badfic.


Pads's canine form.

Paddlebrains is a Potterverse Animagus, and technically the warped, female reincarnation of Sirius Black, as the result of some very odd online RPing during which "Padfoot" became "Paddlebrains". In human form, she looks mostly like her original author, being redheaded and tallish, but her Animagus form is a large, scruffy, smelly, dribbly black dog, just like the real Sirius Black.

When genderbent, Pads resembles Sirius Black in every aspect except that of hair colour, which remains red.

CADs are confused by Pads, because while she looks to be female, canonically she is male. Pointing a CAD at Pads is therefore liable to make it explode.


Pads is extremely sarcastic and a fanatical Britpicker, to the point of obsessively reading the Words of fics in the process of being sporked with an eye to correcting the mannerisms of American agents she happens to be working with. She has what is described as an incurably filthy mind, but lacks the mental shields that long-term employment in the DBS causes its agents to develop, and so still has flashbacks to 'C*l*br**n' at inappropriate moments.

Her mildly obsessive personality also manifests itself as a beard fetish, thanks to bleed-through from her author's overexposure to Commander Riker in her youth, and a werewolf fixation due to the bias to Remus/Sirius slash in the AU she was spawned in. Following her excursions to the Discworld with the kleptomaniac Agent Trojie, she is known to have filched boots and other footwear from Discworld canon characters.

She is known to enjoy taking mind-altering substances, and thanks to the fanon of 'The Shoebox Project', appears to be under the impression that Gillyweed is hallucinogenic. However, in February 2008 HST, it was finally brought home to her that this is untrue. Unwilling to accept the lack of mind-altering experiences thus available in HQ, she began devoting much of her downtime to the Quest for the Sentient Cannabis Plant. So far, all she has been able to discover are Glodstoppers, a dangerous mix of substances that cause the user to see God and then fall over. Needless to say, her partner is a highly unwilling participant in this Quest.

Partners and Family[]

Paddlebrains is partnered permanently with Agent Trojanhorse, who recruited her, and as of October 2008 is also temporarily partnered with Oscar Henson, who is being trained to take on work in the new Division of Mpreg. She has recently given birth to the debugged child of Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer, and also took it upon herself to adopt the infant's half-twin, Andy, who was born to the Other Sirius at the same time.

She has been trying to convince Trojie that they ought to be partners in more than one sense of the word since April `08, and while interludes have shown that she will be eventually successful in that suit in April `09, an interlude in February `09 has her achieving her goal in a rather different manner than originally intended.[2]

Missions Logs[]

Home: Response Centre #45


January 2008 HST

Partnered with Trojie[]

February 2008 HST
March 2008 HST
April 2008 HST
  • Mission Seven: 'Pain' (Lord of the Rings) (unreleased)
    • Childe Elrond gets preggers by an Orc. Trojie threatens to horribly maim anyone and everyone within reach in the event of further subjection to Mpreg.
  • Interlude: 'Please?'
    • Begins the wooing of her partner.
May 2008 HST
June 2008 HST
July 2008 HST
August 2008 HST
September 2008 HST
October 2008 HST
November 2008 HST
  • Mission Twenty: 'Eternal' (Lord of the Rings)
    • Pads's last opportunity to rip out OCs' throats before giving birth is decidedly graphic.
December 2008 HST
January 2009 HST
  • Mission Twenty-Three: 'The two boys' (Narnia)
    • The Lace finds out about Trojie and Pads stealing missions, and punishes them with Narnia badslash.
  • Mission Twenty-Four: 'Wedding Night' (Narnia)
    • Faun/human het is used to impress upon Trojie and Pads how much their current behaviour is not appreciated.
  • Mission Twenty-Five: 'Mirror Mirror' (Narnia)
    • In the third instalment of their punishment, Trojie and Pads must subvert a sex prophecy.
February 2009 HST
March 2009 HST
April 2009 HST
  • Mission Thirty-Four: 'Lady Light Skirt' (Merlin), with Agents Oscar and Iza (DBS - Mpreg)
    • Pads is unwillingly dragged along with Trojie to help young Oscar with a Merlin Mpreg.
May 2009 HST