The Medical Department is responsible for patching up the residents of HQ when needed—and occasionally healing canon characters on the side. They are aided in their task by the wealth of technology they have at their disposal from advanced continua such as Star Trek, and are "accustomed to treating everything from blaster shots to the Black Breath to the mutagenic effects of tree-of-life."
The Medical Department should not be confused with the Medical Division of the Disturbing Acts of Violence Department, which is much more specialized and fills its ranks with veteran Nurses.
Originally, taking a canon character to the Medical Department was all but unheard of—Doc Fitz was shocked when Jay and Dead brought Legolas there in 2002. It seems to have become somewhat more common since.
Medical is one of the few departments without a Flower Head, being headed instead by Doctor Fitzgerald, who looks remarkably like the Emergency Medical Hologram from Star Trek: Voyager. The department's staff are called nurses—this is a title, not an indication of qualifications, as "doctor" is reserved for the head of department.
- Alexander Appleday
- A Bashir Hologram
- Constance Sims (retired)
- Carleton Hearth
- Darion Shadowflame
- Dassie Hyrax
- Dr. Glocktopus
- Edward Davies
- Emily Newton (deceased)
- Heather Shane
- Kevin Thorpe
- Marian McKay
- Valerie Christaki
This subsection coordinates with the DIA to bring emergency medical care to agents too severely hurt in the field to return to HQ without treatment. Its only known member is Darion Shadowflame, though Timbledim was at least temporarily transferred to the division in 2014. The division is also known as the Black Cross, because of the marking on their armband that distinguishes them from other nurses.
Medical Research Division
- Main article: Medical Research Division
The MRD is headed by the Echinacea and her deputy, the Self-Heal. It shares its labs with the Department of Mary Sue Experiments and Research. Its staff, of which there are about twenty-five, are known as scientists rather than nurses. Mike Rudd is the lab manager.
- Main article: Veterinary Ward
- "The Maiden" (Lord of the Rings), Agents Jay and Acacia (DMS)
- The department is first named.
- "We Cannot Be" (Lord of the Rings), Agents Jay and Acacia (DMS)
- Dr. Fitzgerald's first appearance.
- "Torment" (Lord of the Rings), Agent Jay (DIC) with Agent Dead (DE)
- Doc Fitz is alarmed when Jay and Dead bring in a canon character.