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Maria Falcone is an agent in the Department of Mary Sues. She is written by Tomato.

Agent Profile[]


Maria is a human female, a bit shorter than average, with tan-ish skin and dark brown hair. She typically wears nondescript black clothing, and carries a truncheon.


Maria spends a great deal of her time singing showtunes, particularly those from Les Misérables. She has a very short temper and does not think very highly of science fiction. She is fluent in French (or at least fluent enough to swear and insult people in it).

Agent History[]


Maria grew up in New Hampshire, in the continuum known as the Real World. Little is known about her childhood other than that her maternal grandfather speaks only French and she at one time worked with a choreographer who had pointy ears. She was recruited for the PPC after high school.

PPC career[]

Maria has spent her entire PPC career in the Department of Mary Sues. Her first partner was Jeanette Smith, who was attacked by Pro-Caths (from the Thursday Next continuum) during a mission into Wuthering Heights. Jeanette was never seen again.

Following her partner's disappearance, Maria worked solo for a while, before being partnered with Crispin Reed. She has now been working with Crispin for over a year. In that time, the two have accumulated four minis from various continua. For a brief time in April 2008, the two worked with Moon Sonata, but Moon joined a different group of agents after the 2008 Mary Sue invasion.

Maria is the sworn enemy of Agent Michel Javert, and the two are often seen screaming at each other in French.

Mission Reports[]

Home: Response Centre 24601

Partnered with Crispin Reed[]