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"I know what you want to say. That badfic can produce horrors like Sweet Apple Massacre, horrors that could potentially lead to the deaths of canons, or even agents. That badfic can literally end lives at the drop of a hat. My response? All the more reason to combat it, to prevent it from festering and producing such horrors. The more badfics we dispose of, the less likely we'll lose the things we love—and f-for that matter, the p-people we love."

"Earth, Wind, and Ire," Act 3

Lapis Armenus Lazuli is an ex-Mary Sue and an agent in the Department of Implausible Crossovers. She is written by SkarmorySilver.

Agent Profile[]


Lapis is very young for an agent—though in her defense, the Pokémon universe allows kids as young as ten to run around with fire-breathing dragons, man-eating plants, giant birds of prey, electric rodents of unusual size, and other such monstrosities (at least in the anime sub-continuum, which she's from). As such, she isn't well-built for sustained combat the way her partners are, but her lanky build belies surprising speed and agility, a side-effect of her tendency to panic more than she likes to. Her large eyes are bright blue, and her hair was explicitly described in her homefic as being "royal blue with streaks of baby blue"; she has to use spray-on hair dye to give her hair a single uniform color job. Another quirk from her homefic is that she has six rows of razor-sharp, replaceable, shark-like teeth, giving her a nasty bite which she is somewhat reluctant to use unless she's cornered.

"Why yes, that really was how I looked back in the day. Why do you ask?"

Lapis dresses in blue with magenta accents; her long-sleeved, wave-patterned shirt has two fin-like straps flowing from the waistline and leaves her midriff bare; her pants and shoes are more conservative. She wears a necklace with a pendant carved from her namesake stone, and wields a weapon known as Amphitrite, a battle-staff with trident-like blades on each end.

As of her fourth mission, Lapis has lost her right hand, and has to use prosthetic attachments to do things. Normally, she has a standard mechanical hand attached, though on missions she may also use custom-made RAs, C-CADs, and other sundry devices. Her hairstyle has also changed into a more uniform shade of ocean blue, with odango-style buns and shoulder-length pigtails.

Being an anime character, Lapis also tends to exhibit anime visual tics at times. These can range from giant sweat-drops of frustration/embarrassment to her face turning red or blue in anger or dismay, respectively; cross-popping vein marks of rage are not uncommon. By contrast, her eyes often turn into pink hearts upon reacting to stuff she loves, though precisely how that happens has baffled biologists for years.

Needless to say, Lapis should not be mistaken for the Steven Universe character of the same name. In missions to this continuum, she will be referred to as either Agent!Lapis or as "Pi," her nickname in her homefic, to avoid possible confusion.


As a Mary Sue, Lapis had the hallmark abilities of Sues specific to her home continuum, courtesy of a link to a fanmade legendary: advanced hydrokinesis, spellcasting, the ability to speak to Pokémon, and an extremely powerful "super mode" which activated when she was enraged or threatened. When she arrived at the PPC, all of these abilities vanished, leaving only rudimentary water manipulation behind. Because all of her talent was due to the link with the legendary Pokémon, she doesn't have these powers anymore, so most of the time she just uses her trident if she is forced to fight.

The other ability that Lapis brought to the PPC was plot hole generation, a common trait of Sues but one that they rarely exploit, due to most of them not being aware of said trait. Lapis uses her plot holes to teleport herself and others from place to place, but she's much better at it when her destination is somewhere she's already been. She's learned the hard way that plot holes are a terrible short-notice escape mechanism, as the Ironic Overpower ensures that they drop her in the most inopportune of situations. She lost this power, along with her right hand, after an unfortunate encounter with a God-mode Stu on her fourth mission, and she now has to use an RA like other agents do.


The first response Lapis has to just about anything is to panic. A lot. The [BEEP!] of the console is often followed by her screaming in terror and scrambling to find a hiding place. On missions, this could present problems because even the slightest things could cause her to freak out and inadvertently cause trouble. As such, she's reluctant to go into more dangerous continua, and her overly cautious attitude contrasts with her partners' enthusiasm for the Duty. The fact that she was once a Mary Sue who ended up in the PPC HQ completely by accident may have had something to do with it, and many have attributed her regular bouts of anxiety to irrational paranoia. Worse still, an ill-fated encounter with another agent in the late summer of 2015 has led to her becoming increasingly bitter and irritable, prone to holding petty grudges and lashing out at even close friends in fits of self-righteous anger.

Between this neurotic attitude and her youthful appearance, however, it would be hard to guess that she's the most responsible agent in RC 333 by quite a margin, and when she isn't ranting or freaking out, she's actually quite amicable and caring, albeit a bit of a wisecracker. Her creative history and her attentiveness to much of the latest gossip around the PPC HQ has given her a rather street-smart mentality, and she shows a surprising amount of maturity for a thirteen-year-old girl (though she still fangirls from time to time, especially over daikaiju and other monstrous things). If her partners start spazzing out over stuff they like or hate, it often falls upon her to keep them from rushing in too early, though her inexperience makes it harder for her than most other people.

Starting sometime during December 2015, Lapis learned that her nationality is Caucasian/Armenian (her father came from Unova, and her mother from the hypothetical equivalent of Armenia in the Pokémon universe), and she has since been learning Armenian as a second language.

Lapis is currently responsible for the following:

Agent History[]

Lapis was originally a Mary Sue from a Pokémon badfic on DeviantART that also included cameos of characters from various other continua. A typical Pokémon Sue, she was a traveling companion of Ash Ketchum as he made his way through a new region populated by fanmade Pokémon—though unusually, she didn't establish a romantic relationship with Ash, or any other canons for that matter, and displayed quite a lot of knowledge about the Pokémon continuum as a whole. When the author tired of writing the badfic and left dA, he presumably returned the "fakemon" to their original creators, sent the canons back to their original continua, and destroyed the world of the badfic, leaving only a few survivors to wander the multiverse.

One of these survivors was a little blue-haired girl who ended up falling through a plot hole of her own creation in her bid to escape the badfic apocalypse. Unfortunately, she landed in the worst possible place: an organization devoted to killing Sues like her. Terrified and emotionally scarred, Lapis was soon discovered by Agent Rayner and his first partner, and one overwhelming fit of anxiety later, she was whisked off to FicPsych, where she first learned about the PPC and what it did.

Lapis stayed at the Nursery for two years before it was decided that she was ready for training, during which she practiced with the abilities she was left with upon exiting her homefic. She would ultimately be assigned to the DIC in March 2015, whereupon she would meet her partners and get dragged into their first mission together on the same day.

For the poor blue-haired girl, it was all downhill from there...


All dates are given in HQ Standard Time.

  • Escapes her homefic and stumbles upon the PPC HQ. Is discovered and taken to FicPsych by Rayner Blitzkrieg and Nicholas Abbey. Later meets Aiko Kimura and starts a bit of a rivalry.
  • Transfers to the DIAU.

Mission Logs[]

Home: RC 333

Partnered with Sarah and Cupid[]

Other Appearances[]