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The Janitorial Division of the Department of Operations is the home division of the PPC's janitors. A janitor is a PPC agent whose job is to keep HQ clean (or as clean as can be managed) and to make minor repairs. Janitors are not, however, responsible for keeping response centers clean.

The Janitorial Division is headed by the Onion Grass. Its flash patch depicts the Operations quail surmounted by a flaming broomstick.


The janitors perform the deceptively simple task of keeping HQ in clean and orderly condition. This involves heavy cleaning duties such as scrubbing floors, washing walls and glass, and removing rubbish.

The deceptive part comes into play with the fact that 'raging fires' and 'stray unstable plotholes' are included in rubbish, and that sometimes the mess that needs scrubbing from the floor is semi-sentient and is trying to eat you.

The division, while remarkably unorganised and host to more exceptions than rules, can be generally split up into numbered (or things that resemble numbered) shifts, which can include a varying and inconsistent number of janitors. Each shift is generally possessed of a closet, or at least some kind of damp hovel labelled 'closet', in which their equipment is stored. In response to all the various strange and occasionally alive things the janitors need to constantly clean off the walls, their equipment ranges from brooms to mops to lasermops to piles of ash.

Janitors may possess deadly skill with a broom, and tend to be good at being unnoticed and making themselves scarce, especially when there are homicidal Action Department agents around.

Known Personnel[]

Shift Twentieth
  • Finch
  • Bernhard Bingard Bingle
  • Weed Ninety-Two
  • Anne
  • Anne's cat
Shift Fourteen/Forty
  • Bernie Wentport
  • A large number of hallucinogenic Flower janitors, including the Angel's Trumpet, the Fittonia, the Peyote, the Nepal Poppy, the San Pedro Cactus, and the Syrian Rue. After at least one attack by flamethrower-wielding agents demanding drugs, they have understandably grown quite paranoid.
  • Gerrick
  • formerly Jason Harris (transferred to DF).

Division Records[]

Records from this division are listed under the Complete List of PPC Fiction, Department of Operations, Janitorial Division.