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The Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy (HFA) is the Harry Potter version of OFUM. This academy was created by Meir Brin in order to assist fanfiction writers in the time-honored tradition of learning through pain. Bleeprin was born here, as was the color wilver and the Sue disease Vambiolaria.

Fanwriters who attend HFA are Sorted into one of four houses: Wantingmor, Lusterbuff, Canonlaw, and Slashering.

Year One[]

HFA's first year of operation ran from September 2002 through June 2003. During this term, student Ally White grew from a Harry-luster with horrible SPaG into a stalwart canon-defender who so distinguished herself that she was made the leader of the following term's body of non-canon staff, the Order of the Sphinx.

Non-Canon Staff[]

HFA is led by Course Coordinator Meir Brin. In Year One, she had three extracanonical assistants:

  • Dark One Shadowphyre - Security Officer. Shape-shifter, and occasionally mistaken for the Dark Lord, to the fanwriters' sorrow.
  • Klose - Sue-Dispatcher. Known to wield a cricket bat made of Selaria and to reside on the Unplottable Isle of Drear.
  • Lumenosflaminoscanondenious - Fan-Created Spell Guardian. Literally on fire.
  • Salsa - Shadowphyre's trainee-assistant. Present for the Battle of the Canon.

In addition, Agents Aria and Polaris of the PPC provided extra security on classes taught by the most popular lust objects at the time, Remus J. Lupin and Draco Malfoy.

The Battle of the Canon[]

Following the release of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on 21 June, 2003, the canon was temporarily destabilized enough to allow a horde of Mary Sues, evil avatars, and slash-wraiths to invade. The staff and students rallied to the defense of the canon characters, aided by reinforcements from the PPC, in what became known as the Battle of the Canon.

Agents known to have taken part in the battle include:

For their service, each agent was awarded a solid Selaria fork engraved with the words "Overworked, Underpaid, Very Much Appreciated" in loopy writing.

Fan Creation Glossary[]

If you spell a canon character's name wrong, you get a mini-Aragog. If you mangle canon concepts badly enough or make up a spell with a nonsense word for an incantation, you get...

The Blocktiria
A cafeteria built entirely out of Lego bricks and staffed by Lego people. The food is said to be reasonable.
The house-elf work song. Insanely catchy. Infamously sung to Lusterbuff House by the House-Elf Recording Artists Association... all night long. Chumdeleida la la la, chumdeleidalalala, chumdeleida de...
The Dursely Jelly-Monster
A purple, six-foot-tall, 184-pound, blackberry-flavored gelatin creature. Known to whistle "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" while sticking misbehaving fangirls to the ceiling.
The Weasely Jelly-monster is a similar creature made of apricot jam.
Foo Powder
Works like Floo Powder, but turns the flames first sickly brown, then urple, and is used to travel between universes (e.g. from HFA to OFUM or to PPC Headquarters).
Habadaba Queenia
A spell invented by Ally White and used by a Mary Sue in the Battle of the Canon. Imprisons a target inside a glittering rainbow bubble suspended in midair.
Harry's Fodfather
A thing that somehow resembles a patch of grass and a buffet line at the same time. Passes through cuisine phases with the seasons.
A type of mold found growing in HFA's plumbing. Used as a coating for wands, enabling them to be used by Muggles.
A yellow plant that smells of vomit. The only substance known to resist a Vambiolaria infection.
A cologne that, when smelled, makes one lust after Rattus rattus or, e.g., Peter Pettigrew.
The M-squad
A group of misspellings of the word "Marauders" come to life. All four are about two feet tall and made of a green jelly like an overgrown bathroom fungus. They wear black masks and little brown sacks with eyeholes punched in them over their heads. Additionally, Maruader1 has wolf fangs, Maurader2 has a rat tail, Maurderer3 has dog ears, and Maurauder4 (the leader) has deer antlers.
The Pensive
A Styrofoam basin containing a bluish-white liquid. It functions a bit like a phone, transmitting sound long-distance.
While not original to the Potterverse fandom, plotholes manifest uniquely at HFA as silvery clouds that can suck in the unwary and transport them elsewhere, at random.
Preetypansy Polkadotses
A spell invented by Ally White that manifested in relatively tame polka-dotted pansies. Some were used to decorate the Petrified Mary Sue in the entrance hall.
Giant bronze celery stalks. Can refer either to the plant or the material made from the plant. The material can be used much like regular bronze or brass. Or to build a siege engine, if you're the Lord Voldemort Co-op.
Food, allegedly. It has a goopy, taffy-like texture, a pinkish color, and a sugary, cabbagey odor.
Ten-Tongue Taffy
Taffy that causes tiny tongues to sprout from the eyebrows when ingested.
The To-Roga plant
A fangirl-eating plant used to guard the staff section.
The dreaded Mary Sue disease.