Exorcisms 2 0 by Artema

Severus Snape gets exorcised in this diagram by Artema.

An exorcism is the standard way of getting an author's evil influence out of a canon character or (sometimes) a canon location (see Alumia) in the absence of a Mary Sue to kill.

Exorcisms are done in the traditional manner using a bell, book, and candle, similar to World One Christian exorcisms. The 'book' may be any source of canonicalness, including but not limited to actual books, CDs, and DVDs. The source of canon you use should be the most appropriate to the subject being exorcised; for instance, first-year Harry Potter should be exorcised using a copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Paris of Troy (movieverse) should be exorcised using a copy of the DVD of Troy, and Kurt Cobain should be exorcised using a stereo playing an appropriate song from his back-catalogue.

It is absolutely vital to invoke the right creator when performing an exorcism. The wrong one may warp the characters. One agent, upon accidentally invoking George Lucas in the Sailor Moon continuum, was shocked to see a character transform into a half-Ewok, half-Jedi.[1]

Similarly, the 'candle' can be any source of canon-appropriate light (or skipped entirely if you're in a hurry), and the 'bell' need not actually be a bell. Any instrument may be used to disrupt the emergent wraith. A particularly weak one may even blow away on its own. The nastier ones, of course, require more aggressive banishment. Lots of shouting of things like 'avaunt', 'abjure', and 'banish' is usually involved. Perhaps an exorcism could be done with, say, 3cc of mouse blood, or a fresh egg and three bits of wood, but like the wizards who perform the Rite of AshkEnte, PPC agents live for the theatrics.

The Department of Bad Slash handle most of the exorcisms that are required, as the usual cause of author possession of canon characters is for the purpose of furthering inappropriate romance.

Alternative Exorcisms Edit

Although the traditional exorcisms are most frequently employed in missions involving Sue-wraiths, a number of alternative strategies may be employed depending on the agents' home continua, familiarity with the canon, and the practicality of the exorcism itself. Agents Sandra and Freckles experimented with a number of these methods shortly after their transfer to DBS,[2] as listed below:

  • Canon Patronus: Based on the Patronus Charm, the Harry Potter-verse exorcism’s primary difference is in altering the memory drawn on to cast the spell. Rather than focussing on a happy memory to drive away Dementors, the PPC variant utilises memories of canon to banish uncanon.[3] The drawing of canon-appropriate images in the air is deemed strictly secondary, and possibly entirely useless.
  • Canon songs/objects: Evil in The Lord of the Rings is banished in two ways: by song, particularly Elvish song, and by Elvish artifacts. The transposition of this to canonical song and objects connected to the creation of the canon is simple.
  • Canon Scope + Dark attacks: In the Pokémon universe, invisible or indistinct ghosts can be seen using a Silph Scope; the translation to viewing them through the canon material is a simple one. Similarly, Ghost-type Pokémon are known to be weak to Dark- and Ghost-type moves: attacking with smoke bombs or previous wraiths is highly effective.
    • A variant of this approach specifically tailored to video-game continua involves loading the game disc or card of the affected continuum into a handheld console with a video camera, and then using the video recording program on the console to view the possessed canon through the camera.[4] It is not necessary to film the Sue-wraith, but video recordings are preferable as accompanying mission report material.
  • Canon information: Modelled on Nita Callahan’s banishment of the Lone Power by reading the Book of Night with Moon in the series Young Wizards, this exorcism consists of reading an encyclopedic description of the species or character in question. The insistence of some agents that it should be printed in luminous ink and read in Latin appears groundless.

Large-Scale ExorcismsEdit

When a planet or a country is possessed, it is often necessary to perform a large-scale exorcism. This takes a lot of manpower and a good deal of cooperation, but has been accomplished twice. Planet-wide exorcisms are considered minor emergencies. The general procedure is to gather a lot of agents and a lot of canon sources, send them to important points across the surface of the planet or continent, and synchronize the exorcism by means of some kind of long-distance communications.

See Also Edit

References Edit

  1. 'Torment' by Jay and Camilla Sandman, 2003
  2. "Getting Some Exorcise", Agents Sandra and Freckles (DBS)
  3. "Bella Black" (Harry Potter), Agents Selene Windflower and Kaitlyn Jackson (DF)
  4. "Go Home Canon, You're Drunk" (Kid Icarus), Agents Sarah Katherine Squall and Rashida Mafdetiti (DF)
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