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The Earth quakes and the Heavens rattle; the beasts of nature flock together and the nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up heat while elsewhere water becomes ice and melts; and then on other days it just rains.
The Illuminatus! Trilogy

The Department of Intelligence investigates badfics to determine whether they require the attentions of the PPC. Its staff are known as spies, but usually addressed as "Agent." It is headed by the Sub Rosa and bears the sign of a Purple Sage plant. This is a reference not to a former department head, but to the Purple Sage, an imaginary philosopher credited with saying the above flavor text.


Those who work in Intelligence are simply those who search out and process bad fanfiction. The job is tedious and unpleasant, but the PPC couldn't function without these dedicated individuals. Though anyone can report badfic (and the help is much appreciated), Intelligence agents are specifically responsible for classifying and flagging stories for appropriate action.


Once a fic comes to the attention of the department, the process goes something like this:

  1. In the Sorting Room, the fic is skimmed for signs of trouble, such as horrible writing, an original character with a special origin/appearance/power/relationship to a canon character; blatant character disruptions; uncanonical flora, fauna, and/or locations; etc. The most obvious goodfic and badfic are filtered out this way.
  2. If the fic is found to contain such signs, a report is written containing the title, author and location of the fic; a brief summary or description; notable original characters, OOCness, plotholes, and/or problem passages; and any additional comments the agent might want to include. The report is forwarded to the appropriate Department. This is the same report that assassins, untanglers, and all the rest see when they answer the call of their consoles.
  3. If the damage is less obvious, specially-trained spies in the DoI's Action Division may enter the fic for reconnaissance. Their job then is to look for plotholes, Generic Features, cardboard characters, and other such signs of a weak continuum. There are rules that must be followed while on recon. If enough evidence is found, the fic is reported as above. If not, it is either flagged for further observation or released as goodfic.

Agents from other departments are occasionally assigned to the Sorting Room as punishment, as Agent Ginger can attest.


The DoI had divisions according to continuum at the time of the Original Series, but seems to have undergone some restructuring since. Currently, spies are sorted into one of six teams (Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Purple, or Orange) and assigned a rank and class. New staff are assigned the rank Spy, 13th Class; the top rank is Spy, 1st Class. All spies ranked Class 5 and above are considered senior staff and get first pick on the doughnuts that are delivered to the Hub every day. Theoretically, a higher rank is synonymous with a larger paycheck, but in reality it's just a symbol of prestige associated with service length.


When the Organisation was first formed, the intelligence operations were under the Admin Department.[1] Known staff included the Sub Rosa and the Tiger Lily.[1] During the Civil War, Intelligence was formed as its own department, with the Sub Rosa as Deputy for Intelligence,[2] a post which later became renamed as Head of Department.

Following the events of the Reorganisation, the Tiger Lily left Intelligence to form the Department of Internal Affairs. The two Flowers maintained their close relationship, and the departments have been known to work together at need.

Known Personnel[]

For a complete list, see Department of Intelligence Personnel.

Mission Reports[]