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Crelmos, né Zkharek, is an ex-bit character from a Star Trek badfic, working in the Department of Floaters. He is written by Lycaenion.

Agent Profile[]


To those who aren't familiar with the humanoid Trek races, Crelmos can appear rather intimidating. He is rather taller than an average human male, and powerfully built due to his native role as a guard. Like the rest of his species, he is grey-skinned and reptilian in appearance, with a web of scaly ridges over his face, neck, and chest.

His eyes are dark, deeply set, and generally have a very nasty glint to them; when he smiles, this does not bode well, especially if his teeth are showing and there's a female in the vicinity.


Not that great, where social interactions are concerned. Despite his ferocious efforts to rid himself of his past life, recent stresses have caused Crelmos to slip back into his former psyche. If alone around females of any species, there is a high chance that he will attempt to make advances on them (although he usually comes to his senses after a minute or two, which puts him into a horrid temper). Other than that, he's ruthless, arrogant, and highly inquisitive in a cruel, scientific sort of way; in other words, a textbook Cardassian.

He will never hesitate to inform any other agents of their pathetic inferiority to himself, and he is a self-professed authority on Suvian genetics and physiology. This latter could, theoretically, make him valuable on missions, but it's hard for most people to tolerate him long enough to ask.

Agent History[]

Born Zkharek (under the Suethor's assumption that Evil Minions didn't need good names, and that anything with enough extraneous consonants sounded Cardassian enough), Crelmos was originally a guard in the main villain's Evil Fortress. Besides standing around and laughing when the various torture and rape scenes occurred, and perhaps assisting in them if his master wasn't in the mood, his only function was to be a Token Lecherous Jerk to the Sueoine.

As such, the crowning achievement of his life was a scene when, upon escorting said Sueoine to the Torture Chamber, he got her up against a wall by virtue of brute strength, and attempted Inappropriate Things. He was summarily bitch-slapped, thus showcasing the Defiant Spunkiness of the Sue; furious, he kicked her to the floor, seized a nearby blunt instrument—

—and that was where two fine agents of the Department of Mary Sues stepped in. After charging and disposing of his captive, they turned their sights on him. Death seemed imminent, especially since one of the agents was Bajoran and quite disinclined to feel sorry for him.

But after a brief and heated debate between the agents, it was decided that he was capable of reform, and he was recruited to the PPC. He went on a few missions with them, all in the Trek continuum, before his partners were killed in the Macrovirus Epidemic a few weeks later.

It was shortly thereafter that he discovered the perfect place for any self-respecting Cardassian of the PPC: Mary Sue Experiments & Research. Unfortunately, a few of the more paranoid agents there mistrusted him, fearing that he would use his natural skills at genetic engineering to create hybrid, more powerful forms of Sue.

To be frank, they probably weren't all that mistaken, because his interest in collecting and experimenting upon various Suvian DNA samples proved a little too obsessive.

Transferred to Floaters, he spent his time alone in his response center, researching everything he could find on his species; re-conditioning had given him little except the photographic memory, the beginnings of a standard Cardassian personality, and a deep sense of shame at his origins. In the course of his research, he grew to revere Crell Moset, the Bajoran Occupation exobiologist whose experiments were based on the Real World's Josef Mengele. (The piddling ethical concerns, of course, were nothing compared to Moset's advances in his field.)

Zkharek adopted a portmanteau of his idol's name, determined to sever all connections with his old self, and thus became Crelmos.


Originally partnered with the two agents of the DMS who recruited him; after their deaths in the Macrovirus Epidemic shortly thereafter, and subsequent to his transfer to Floaters, he was partnered temporarily with Agent Teek Virtanen.

This assignment was originally supposed to last for one mission alone, but due to extenuating circumstances (notably, Teek's temper and its effect on the Marquis), they were forced to work together for a month. Needless to say, this did not go well, and inspired much mutual loathing.

Mission Logs[]

Home: Response Centre #1764

Partnered with Teek[]