TIANATDATPPC Part XVII

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Part XVII of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1168-1219.

Cross-posted from the Board on February 16, 2011.

1168. If I inflict Rocks'N'Diamonds-verse amoeba on HQ I will be decommissioned.

- The same goes for World One.

- Or any Word World.

- Or any Generic Continuum.

- Or anywhere that isn't Rocks'N'Diamonds or Boulder Dash, really.

1169. I will not make General Woundwort into hassenpfeffer.

1170. I will not swap Squire Julian Gingivere with Heathcliff.

1171. I will not warn Feltipern Trevagg about the H'nemthe.

- That's called giving the galaxy to the Empire (and then to the Yuuzhan Vong).

1172. I will not drug Captain Picard into a murderous rage and send him against Edward Cullen.

- Even if it's post-"Best of Both Worlds."

- Like it or not, Edward is still a canon character.

1173. I will not take Captain Picard to Hogwarts.

- It's a toss-up whether his artificial heart or his cortical node would give out first.

1174. I will not portal Rocky (from Rocky's Boots) to Salamandastron.

1175. I will not dig a moat around the Wicked Witch of the West's home.

1176. Mrs. Cake is not a lie.

1177. I will not spam anyone with pictures of Rose Potter.

1178. Force adepts are not to be worshiped. That's part of what got us into the mess with the last leader.

1179. No accepting bribes from Sues.

1180. While funny the first time, dumping someone who complains about the cold onto Caradhras or the Grinding Ice is not an acceptable way to shut your partner up.

1181. Stealing a character's nice hat is a prosecutable offense. No exceptions.

1182. The Sun Crusher is not the default answer to everything.

1183. No agent is to be used as a tissue at any time.

1184. You are not allowed to give Sue blood to the Nursery in the stead of finger paint.

1185. I will not release Dementors in Care-a-lot just to see what happens.

1186. The Three Stooges and the Joker are never to meet. Ever. Their ideas of funny are completely different.

- Especially if said Joker is the one played by Heath Ledger.

1187. Testing new Bleep-products on Sues is frowned upon. Quite apart from the fact that they're not reliable guinea pigs, they're bad enough without amnesia-induced angst.

1188. Don't piss off the nerd angels. And yes, this rule does apply outside the Supernatural universe.

- This rule especially applies in the Good Omens universe.

1189. I must not set up pit fights between Leroy Jethro Gibbs and various canon badasses.

- Even if the resulting betting pool proves to be a lucrative moneymaking strategy.

- I must not set up a pit fight between Leroy Jethro Gibbs and himself.

- Especially not a clone of himself.

1191. I must not use ultraviolet lights near vampire agents.

1192. Lex Luthor and Artemis Fowl are never to meet.

1193. If the weapon is bigger than I am, I am not allowed to keep it.

1194. I must not keep a Mini!Sue as a personal slave.

1195. I will not dispose of a Sue using Face-Huggers from Alien, it is a very, VERY Bad Idea.

- Should I do so anyway, I will take full responsibility, and will not complain about injuries/death should they occur to me.

- If others should die, it is my fault and any punishment I receive is completely fair.

1196. I will not ask Harry why he didn't simply use plastic surgery to remove the scar if it bothered him so much.

1197. Slenderman is not, under any circumstances, to be brought to HQ.

- Or anywhere, for that matter.

- In fact, all contact with him is at my own peril, and I will not get hazard pay for it.

- I will also not ask Cadmar about his strange fascination with him, the answer is probably better left alone.

1198. Ryu Hayabusa is not allowed into the Naruto continuum.

- No, not even to see how a real ninja would act.

1190. Molly Rath and Eric Cartman must never, ever meet.

1199. I will never introduce Luxury to an Ardat-Yakshi, it is murder.

1200. If the execution method of a Sue needs any of the following it is not allowed.

- An in-depth anatomical diagram.

- Enough explosives to restart a planet's core.

- An apocalypse.

- The stars to be perfectly aligned.

- Hell to break loose.

1201. Even if the Sue has a army of bit characters under her command, I may not commandeer a horde of NPC soldiers from any continuum to combat them. I should not have to.

- If I must, they will not be from another continuum.

- While on the topic, I may not steal Storm Troopers from Star Wars and have them "secure the area" for me. Nor will I wear a black cape and have my partner play the Imperial March as I approach the cornered Sue.

- Unless I am in the Star Wars continuum and I am in the disguise of a member of the Imperial fleet.

1202. I must not make Male!Sheppard and Female!Sheppard produce an offspring, it's just wrong.

- Anything remotely similar is also forbidden.

1203. I will not "forget" to tell the newbies that they can't leave the theater until halfway through the MSTing.

1204. I will not take Enoby to the Twilightverse.

1205. I may not switch characters with their counterparts from Abridged Series.

1206. Tribbles are not allowed around the PPC Cafeteria.

- The cooking would probably kill them.

- Minis are banned around the kitchen for similar reasons.

1207. I will not tell Rabadash where to shove it.

1208. I will not pit Sylvester the Cat against Reepicheep.

1209. I will not spam the PotC section with "Johnny Depp Orlando Bloom Rock" ad nauseam.

1210. I will not portal Reavers to HQ.

1211. I will not steal one of the objects from the Lost Room.

- It doesn't matter how easy it would make my job.

- No, not even if its powers were never discovered.

- And, should I ignore the other rules, I will at least not run around HQ using said object in various/stupid ways to discover what it does.

- Especially on other agents or new recruits.

- The Flowers are right out.

1212. Should a newly recruited agent come from a continuum where they use a Gunblade, or a similarly silly or improbable weapon, I will taunt them about it at my own risk.

1213. If I meet an agent recruited from a survival horror game, I will not play said game in front of them and comment loudly on every traumatizing thing that happens.

- Same goes for horror stories/movies/anything else.

- Especially if said setting was particularly graphic and/or the body count is high enough to fill several graveyards.

- If they come from the Cthulhuverse I will not, under any circumstances, ask their opinion on tentacles. I will not complain about any brain damage/harm that should result either.

1214. I will not shove Blade, the Winchester brothers and/or Buffy in the same room to see who is the biggest badass.

- Doing it with Rambo, Solid Snake, or any other memetic badass is right out.

- Nor will I put C-3PO and Terminator in the same room to see who explodes first from disgust.

1215. King Julien and Emperor Ublaz do not need to meet.

1216. I will not attempt to bring Kurda to Lux for skinning.

1217. I will not allow my pet hamster to become a Mossflower Mary Sue.

1218. I will not sleep for more than 12 hours in a row. (Although, considering, I'd be lucky if I made it to hour #6.)

1219. I will not attempt to explain the Way of Mrs. Cosmopilite/Wen the Eternally Surprised to Detritus, especially "I was not born yesterday!"

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