TIANATDATPPC Part XXVI

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Part XXVI of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1839–1877.

Cross-posted from the Board on May 23, 2019 (thread from October 2016).

1839. Harry Dresden must never be brought near the DoSAT to see what happens.
 * Even if the ensuing mayhem is a great view.
 * Seriously, don't do this. The Techies will have your head.
 * Don't trick him to come close intensive care too. Even the First Law won't protect you.

1840. I won't try to get in a staring contest with a Dresdenverse practitioner of magic.
 * If they're canon characters, the money needed by FicPsych to deal with their memories will come from my pocket.
 * If they're agents... I hope they have got humour.
 * And run away once I collect myself.

1841. I won't try to get Ivy hooked on World One fanfic. Ever.
 * Seriously, ever. I can't outrun Kincaid's sniper bullets.

1842. I won't switch anyone's DS, 3DS or smartphone with a COMP.
 * If I do it, I'm on my own to deal with the ensuing demonic invasion.

1843. I won't try elevator jokes with Elizabeth and Theodore.
 * Limousine jokes with Margaret are also out of question.
 * Jail jokes with Caroline and Justine shouldn't be done either.
 * Seriously, don't make fun of Velvet Room attendants.

1844. I won't try to repaint the Velvet Room.
 * Especially if I try to use glittery paint.

1845. Forcing people to read Marie's poems is a form of torture, and is henceforth forbidden.
 * Besides, the Sues just love them.

1846. Trying to shoot people with an Evoker to see what happens is a Bad Idea.
 * Especially if FicPsych patients are targeted.

1847. I won't organize a meat eater competition between Chie Satonaka and Akihiko Sanada.
 * There is no country who can afford the meat they would eat.

1848. I won't punch Philemon.
 * Even if he deserved it.
 * Actually, he didn't have much of a choice...
 * *flame war*

1849. I won't put together two genderbent versions of a character to see what happens. Results are clear.

1850. Playing at "He loves me... He loves me not" with the Marquis is a bad idea.
 * Even if I get a "He loves me" result.

1851. Apparently I'm not allowed to start a cult revolving around my Mary Sue self-insert.
 * Even if one of the sacred bylaws mentions very strongly not to kill people in my name. And even if it was a complete accident.

1852. Do not write Slorp/Luxury fics.
 * Even if it is totally canon.

1853. Kylo Ren does not wear lingerie under his outfit, and we are not to imply that he does
 * Especially when in a Star Wars fic.
 * Definitely not when Kylo is around.
 * Do not ask Kylo Ren if he wears lingerie under his outfit.
 * Or General Hux.
 * Or Captain Phasma.
 * Rey, Finn, and Poe Dameron are right out.

1854. General Hux does not actually have an ice cream cone on him at all times.
 * Do not ask to see his "ice cream cone."

1855. I am not allowed to shoot bullets at Homura Akemi from various distances in order to figure out how quickly she can react to them.
 * If I do try and do so, I accept that shortly thereafter, I will have several bullets buried in several lethal places. I may also explode.
 * In fact, I am not allowed to shoot any form of projectile at any canon in order to determine their reaction times.

1856. Speaking of prison jokes, I will not make them around Bastille Dartmoor.
 * Seriously, have you seen what she can do with that sword of hers?

1857. I am not allowed to drop Aragorn into Robin Hood: Men in Tights just to see what happens. He's not that kind of ranger.
 * That goes double for Power Rangers.

1858. I am not allowed, even in casual conversation, to tell any agents who know Steven Universe that they should ship Lapis/Jasper. Nothing good can come from such a proposal on any level.
 * God help me if I tell ANYONE that they should ship any World One celebrity with another. Different reason, same result.

1859. A lasgun is not actually a flashlight. Do not shine it into your eyes.
 * Similarly, do not give it to your partner and tell them to light up the room with it.

1860. No opening portals into the Warp.
 * I understand that I will be the one to clean up the mess afterwards.

1861. The Nuclear Throne is not something I want to sit on.

1862. Bandanas do not equal infinite ammo.

1863. I will not try to sell Goddess Icons to Harris Frost. His luck stat is already capped.

1864. "It's a social experiment!" is not a valid excuse for replacing my partner's morning coffee with decaf.

1865. Suvian munitions make for terrible trophies/souvenirs due to their inherent instability. We all know what happened to Agent Thorpe last weekend.

1866. Entering the Gungeon is a terrible idea.
 * I will not seek the Gun That Can Kill the Past to get revenge on my department head.

1867. I will not attempt to soulgaze a Flower.

1868. I will not tell newbie agents that World One is flat.

1869. I will not ask newbie agents to fetch some electricity powder from Building Maintenance.
 * I will not get actual electricity powder from Building Maintenance.

1870. Shiro Turbo and Saki Cherryflower are NOT the result of a secret project about cloning veteran agents, or anything of the sort. Stop spreading this rumor.
 * The Marquis has reassured us that the PPC is not that desperate for recruits yet.
 * Besides, we're pretty sure he wouldn't have wanted another Agent Turbo.

1871. I will not, under any circumstances, paint anything with fake Sue glitter as a prank.
 * Even if the reaction of those being pranked would be hilarious.
 * Seriously, it's not a good idea.

1872. No matter how much you think the Flowers deserve punishment, all Internet-enabled devices in Headquarters are and will forever be blocked from visiting Hell Correspondence. Trust us; they have more than enough problems without getting dragged into HQ.

1873. Minis are not acceptable forms of currency in the General Store or Rook Takes Pawnshop.

1874. There are no acceptable reasons for a stampede through the halls barring an actual emergency.
 * Not even if freshly-baked cookies, alcohol, Elves in swimwear, or cute baby animals are involved.

1875. I will never again make a joke that can stand on its own two legs.
 * If I do, my arms will be cut off on the spot.
 * OH STEVE IRWIN MY ARMS.

1876. I will never swear on Steve Irwin, otherwise my arms will get cut off.
 * OH WINSTON CHURCHILL MY OTHER ARMS.

1877. I am not allowed to sweep my partner into a passionate osculation unless I am absolutely certain she/he/they/xie/etc. wishe(s) it.
 * I am allowed to comb the dictionary for obscure words with the specific intent of confusing people.
 * But no one will like me afterwards.

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