The Smasher

"The Smasher" is the official first mission in the Response Center 1110 spin-off by Neshomeh, with additional creative input from Phobos.

DMS Agents Derik and Earwig Slugthrower receive their first assignment together, and it involves a Gary Stu called Spidey3000 in a video game continuum only Earwig knows anything about: Super Smash Bros..

A rare author-requested mission, "The Smasher" also features a cameo by the subject fic's author's avatar.

Synopsis
Shortly after being officially assigned as partners, Derik and Earwig enter RC 1110 for the first time and find the mini-Balrog Arasgorn and mini-Aragog Severe already living there. A note from the previous inhabitant disclaims all responsibility for the condition of the RC, basically saying "it's your problem now."

A mutual eyeballing between the agents and the minis is cut off when a mission assignment comes in. Derik, a Pernese native, is unfamiliar with the continuum and many of the other terms in the Intelligence report. Luckily, Earwig's multiversal wanderings have taken him to Earth (or "Erp") before, and he knows about SSB and video games in general, even pulling a Game Boy out of one of his many pockets to demonstrate.

Earwig convinces Derik to let him set their disguises, and they enter the Word World as Wire Frames.

Unfortunately, Earwig's eagerness to start the mission makes them unprepared for the fic's first person point of view, and Derik gets caught up in the main character's perspective. Earwig snaps him out of it with the Kender Spoon of Turning and frees them both from the influence of the narrative with a "Me" Crash Dummy he'd had in another of his pockets.

From there, Derik remembers that he used to be a Weyrleader and makes an effort to take command of the situation. The agents track the Stu, Spidey3000, as he travels by limousine (and avail themselves of the minibar). Spidey describes himself as "the dude that kicks ass online, and kills terrorist, the rumors that I am a secret agent armed with top secret weapons. Well, I don't, though I do kick lots of terrorist ass, and I have some pretty cool powers (and weapons)." As such, he's been invited—or threatened—by Master Hand to become a Smasher, lest Crazy Hand think he's a "sissy girl."

"“So this fellow, who supposedly has the resources and the balls to take down a force of armed and trained killers by himself, has just been goaded into joining this organization from a silly game because they called him names?” Derik said. Earwig glanced over the Words again. “Pretty much, yeah.”"

The limousine takes Spidey (and the agents) to the starship Great Fox, which picks up a few more prospective Smashers (including a trans-dimensionally snatched Harry Potter) before dropping them all off at Smash Mansion, a place that does not exist in canon. In a bad scene transition, Derik discovers that it's possible to vomit even while disguised as a "purple wire thing" if the disguise only changes your outer appearance.

By means of a simulation, Spidey proves himself in single combat with Wario, verbally abusing him the whole time. He reveals that his "cool powers" include spells from the Final Fantasy continuum.

The agents also witness Harry Potter's match with Mewtwo, in which Mewtwo acts out of character by performing a psychic atomic wedgie. Harry only wins the fight by using an Unforgivable Curse... sort of. Since it's written "Arvadak Adava," instead of outright killing Mewtwo, it actually produces a "glowing agave-colored aardvark" that clings to his face.

Indulging Earwig's curiosity, the agents observe a little more of the fic before confronting Spidey.

Just as they finish reading the charge list, however, Spidey is shot in the head by someone else.

"“Sorry for the trouble,” said a redhead somewhere in his twenties, holding a smoking rifle. “I should have done that years ago.”"

When asked who he is, the young man replies, "The author," and vanishes.

With the Stu gone, the Word World begins dissolving at the edges. The agents pick up Harry and return to RC 1110. Arasgorn welcomes them back enthusiastically, but Severe takes exception to the presence of a canon character in the RC and clings to Derik, covering him with webbing, until Harry is delivered safely to FicPsych.

Links

 * "The Smasher" on Neshomeh's Archive
 * "The Smasher" on AO3