The Right Mate at the Wrong Time

The Right Mate at the Wrong Time (originally styled in ALLCAPS) is a Bleepfic from the Harry Potter fandom.

It involves Hermione Granger as a damsel in distress who falls in love with Bill Weasley because of a mating bond he forces on her, Ron being bashed for being relatively in-character, literally every male thinking Hermione is hot and wanting to have sex with her, and much more.

It was missioned by Iximaz and Granz the Ice Cream Monarch.

Plot Summary
The fic chronologically begins in Chapter 2, when Molly Weasley asks Hermione to give a family heirloom to Bill on the day of his wedding to Fleur. Hermione, dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, does so, and Bill's inner wolf "Lobo" seizes control of Bill and holds Hermione hostage. Bill then barricades himself and "his witch" in his bedroom, threatening to kill his entire family as well as anyone else who tries to stop him. Remus Lupin tries to serve as a mediator, but is too distracted by his inner wolf and the "strong mating magic" to be of much help.

Meanwhile, there are extradimensional beings called "The Watchers" who serve as voyeurs to the unfolding events, feeding on the drama. Death Eaters arrive, but are beaten back by the combined efforts of Aurors and the other attendants of the party; unfortunately, they cannot do anything about Bill, who marks Hermione as his mate and sets off a "mate or die" plot. The fic then devolves into a whirlwind of smut, Ron bashing, and several Deus ex Machinas being set up only to be promptly negated a sentence later.

Notable incidents include:


 * Bill and Hermione forming a "Golden Bond" that results in an aura of serenity that covers a large area surrounding wherever they have sex;


 * The Watchers becoming guardian angels of Bill and Hermione, only to be blocked by mysterious cosmic interference;


 * Fenrir Greyback being a British Lord and, later, a good friend to the Weasleys; and


 * A talking, makeup-wearing spider descended somehow from Aragog appearing to save the protagonists when they are taken to the Malfoys' basement.

Quotes

 * As he turned around, his enhanced olfactory sense caught a fragrance. The scent traveled from his nose right into his brain, rapidly made its circuit through his spinal chord, and straight into his groin, waking up his dormant lance.


 * You missed that boat stupid human, I told you this, time after time, -she is\ fuck-a-ble-licious. But did you listen? Of course not, instead you went for Tonks, bah. Bill is one smart wolf; certainly smarter than you, now I get to suffer.


 * Everyone OUT, or I will hurt anyone who opposes me. I need to be with my mate. SHE IS MY MATE. LET EVERYONE UNDERSTAND. I won't hurt her; she needs my attention; and I cannot do that and protect us at the same time. If she dies, I am killing everyone of you, don't be mistaken. His eyes were fluctuating between gold and blue; Aurors later testified. He was a very angry beast, defending his true mate; in those grounds he had the right to defend her.


 * The love scene would be worth a meal for an entire week. Just to this point everyone had wracked energy and power points. What a deal! They all would have extra-points to barter for favors and get whatever they wished. They would have to spend the extra because they would be unable to consume them all before they went stale…Man, what a show.


 * Bill was transported to a land of pure physical pleasure, and then he merged in soul and body with his witch. It was, as if he had sprouted roots into her brain, and she had done the same inside his. He felt twines of light encasing both of them, she felt the same, and was feeling her body through his mind.

Links

 * The Badfic: THE RIGHT MATE AT THE WRONG TIME on Fanfiction.net


 * The Mission: "Love's Labour Lust," Agents Ix and Charlotte (ESAS) with Agents Apecian and Michael (DF)