TIANATDATPPC Part III

Part III of the Things I am not Allowed to Do at the PPC List.

Can be found on the PPC Livejournal here.

262. I will not let Onaya at Imp y Celyn.

263. I will not sent Lt. M'Ress to the Jellicle Ball.

264. I will not take Cosette to Spire.

-Or to Cloud City.

265. I will not play Kraftwerk's "Numbers" in the temple of Bel-Shamharoth.

-Nor will I take Sesame Street's Count there.

266. I will not disassemble a Borg Agent's regeneration alcove.

267. I will not attempt to mysteronise myself.

-If it dosn't work I will end up either looking very dead, or very silly.

-or both.

268. I will NOT start any shipping war of any kind

-not even a teeny tiny, itty bitty one.

269. I will not sell Moist von Lipwigs tell-all Autobiography "The Leopard Changed his Shorts" 60 years before the fact, when Moist is an 86 year old widower (and oldest serving Postmaster) who's son is patrician (after vetinari and ironfoundersson). (yes, I am shilling in advance)

270. I will not tell newbies that the cafeteria meat loaf is made of ground up sue and confiscated tech.

-except when The Swedish Chef is on KP, when it is.

271. I will not introduce Cpn. Jack Sparrow and Zaphod Beeblebrox. The combined egos would doubtless explode, and with all the alcohol those two accumulate, this would be a Very Bad Thing.

272. I will not perform exorcisms on fellow agents, even if they claim to have Sues in their heads. That is a job for medical.

273. I will not charge and summarily execute a fellow agent who has been sue'd.

274. I will not attempt to sell my soul to any devil.

-not even if he/she/it promises me eternal life.

-or amazing Sue-killing powers.

-or the ability to instantly vaporize all Sues that have ever and will ever exist(ed).

-because we all know how that would turn out.

275. I will not try to put every angel and demon in one room in an attempt to start a second Heavenly war.

-because that would be plain stupid.

-In fact I will not mess around with any angels/demons/deities whatsoever.

276. No version of Hell is a smart place for a vacation.

-Or an OFU field trip.

-Nor is any version of Heaven.

277. If, for any reason I am in any Hell; for a mission, I will not look to see if anyone has caused my workload as an Agent, or any suethors are there so I can torment them.

278. If I happen to find myself in the Halls of Mandos, I will not attempt to dance before Lord Námo in order to free a dead loved one.

-Or a dead Canon.

-Especially not Feanor.

279. If, for some reason, I find myself in the Halls of Mandos I will not start talking loudly about how kind it was of Lady Galadriel to give Gimli three strands of her hair.

-I will also not mention how pretty the Silmaril looks in the sky.

-Or how shiny the One Ring is.

280. I will never, ever, ever mention the following within earshot of Feanor.

-How many shiny objects Agent Dafydd "Maglor" Illian has accumulated.

-How many shiny objects (including extra Silmarils) there are in HQ in general.

-The fact that the portal I am about to open leads to HQ.

-Seriously. The PPC does not need a Kinslaying in its halls.

281. I will not attempt to link up several sentient computers from different fandoms.

-Especially if one is Durandal from Marathon.

-Or HAL 9000

-Or Athena from The Cat Who Walks Through Walls.

-If I do, I am responsible for cleaning up the mess.

282. If I am in the throes of pon farr, I will not attempt to mind-meld with a H'nemthe.

283. I will not arrange a fight between Reavers and Discworld elves.

284. Speaking of Reavers, I will never again use them to execute a Sue.

285. I will not unleash Mrs. Cake on any Holy Holly.

286 I will never take a Baronet of Ruddigore to Serenia.

-Or John Wellington Wells.

287. I will not give Grover from Sesame Street tribbles.

-Not even for a Spaceship Surprise sketch.

-Giving him kuribohs is right out.

288. I will not act flame-thrower crazy if I'm not.

289. I will not test Rikki-Tikki-Tavi against an amphistaff.

290. I will not fly a Sun Crusher without a license from DoGA.

-Nor will I use it on a non-Suvian system.