Claimed Badfic

This is a list of all claimed badfic that a PPCer has staked a claim on.

You may claim a fic before receiving Permission; just make sure you note that your claim is pending Permission so we don't get confused and think you're jumping the gun.

If you claim something from the list of unclaimed badfic or otherwise, make sure to:
 * Move it here, clearly labeling it with your name/the name(s) of your agent(s) and the date of your claim. Please be aware that very old claims (generally 18+ months) may be bumped back to the Unclaimed Badfic page or, if the badfic is no longer available, deleted entirely.
 * As on the list of unclaimed badfic, please include story summaries, links, and ratings, just for the masochistic amongst us who actually like reading badfic, the poor insane souls.
 * Place your claim in alphabetical order in the appropriate category, which would be the fandom that it comes from unless it is a crossover, in which case put it in Crossovers and note which fandoms are crossed. (Note that The, A, and An don't count for alphabetical order.)

If you remove something from this list, make sure to remove it completely. That includes its category if it was the only fic in it. Doing so reduces clutter and confusion.

If you have KILLED something from this list, make sure it gets removed to the list of killed badfic.

For those depressed by the quantity of badfic, the above list may cheer you up. Maybe.

LAST CLEANUP: eatpraylove, 09:40 (EST), January 15, 2015

Crossovers

 * "009"- M rated (As it is right now, at two chapters, I'd call it a T. It's less graphically violent than a Bond film, and has no sexual situations to speak of.) - James Bond (Skyfall) x Doctor Who. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * Heather is a Time Lord hiding from U.N.I.T. She finds safety in MI6 they can provide protection if she works for them. There Heather meets an agent who melts her 'hearts'. Can she resist? or will the Doctor come back for her again?
 * Bad SPaG, OOC characters, a Time Lord Sue who doesn't seem to realize that there was a previous 009 and has what I assume is the Tenth Doctor for a lover. Stupid interactions with Bond, M, and Q. The Sue is apparently the female equivalent of Bond (Octopussy, anyone?) and convinced MI6 that she was an alien through a DNA scan, with no mention of having two hearts. Bad formatting. A message sent to MI6 in Gallifreyan, which is described as a 'puzzle' rather than a bunch of interlocking circles. M thinking that the Doctor is a leak. M calling a serious mission to stop the leak that led to twelve agents being held hostage and shot a "light hearted mission", a "break from the hectic missions". Giving Bond an office/room&#x2014;I'm pretty sure he doesn't have one, at least not in Skyfallverse. And all this in two chapters. Seriously, this only became mission material when she dragged the Doctor into the story.


 * "Criminal MindsSSBB: Reckoning" - T rated - Criminal Minds x Super Smash Bros. Claimed by SkarmorySilver, November 4, 2014.
 * After an attack on the Smashers, Pit finds himself trapped on Earth, in the care of the BAU team. A series of public attacks points to the same obscure group, who seem to have a vendetta against Earth and the Multiverse. With the Smashers on the run and the team unable to trust their superiors, both groups struggle to unite against an army that threatens them all.
 * I get that this author did their best to make this look good, and it's surprisingly well done, but there are still few significant flaws that need to be addressed. Sadly, it also ends in a cliffhanger, so we'll never know how all the plot threads are resolved.


 * "Frozen: The Emerald Soldier" - T rated - Frozen x Green Lantern. Claimed by Edhelistar, February 15, 2015 (Permission pending).
 * After his father was murdered, Dante Rayner is taken care by the Royal Family in Arendelle. Soon he falls in love with Elsa who also falls for him. As they grow up, Arendelle will be at war against both their enemies and Sinestro. Elsa and Dante will defend both the Kingdom and the World or die trying. Violence, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content.
 * Edhelistar's Note: A blatant Gary Stu, at least four Character Possessions/Replacements, the killing of a Main Canon Character, multiple Major Canon Breaks, a complete disregard of the English language verb conjugation, uninspired, predictable, and you could simply remove all the Gary Stu-related scenes and you'll be reading the plot of the film. Gods! I hate this fic with the might of a thousand exploding suns.


 * "Full Metal and the Hogwarts mishap" - T rated - Fullmetal Alchemist x Harry Potter. Claimed by Neshomeh, April 18, 2014.
 * Ed goes to Hogwarts to investigate these so called wizards. Posing as a student from Durmstrang, he runs into Harry and his gang, and guess what happens? mishap!Please R&amp;R AU EdWinry! Harry and Ginny or Harry and tonks havn't decided yet
 * Warning: eye-bleeding formatting.


 * "The Fyur Rookerie vs The Saaikshethyü Clan" - T rated - Chappelle's Show x Halo x Phineas and Ferb x Star Trek? Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * Based off the famous Chappelle's Show skit "19th Street Gangsters vs. The River Terrace Crew", This short documentary covers the ongoing conflict between two of Danville's most brutal non-human crime syndicates.


 * "GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS!" - T rated - Godzilla x Sonic the Hedgehog. Claimed by SkarmorySilver, February 5, 2015.
 * This fanfic is based off of the extreme rivalry of Godzilla, ,TOHO'S heavyweight champion and MUTO, A monster that looks identical to Sonic the hedgehog. After the events of GODZILLA 2014, (WHICH IS AN AWESOME MOVIE!) Godzilla and MUTO return with every other monster we know and love! Get ready... TO CRUMBLE!
 * A monster that looks identical to Sonic? And they mention it in the summary? Yeah, this can only end well.


 * "I Never Left" - T rated - Big Hero 6 x Rise of the Guardians. Claimed by SkarmorySilver, February 19, 2015.
 * Hiro had always been smarter than average. That didn't stop her from believing in the Guardians, though. Of course, when the explosion happened, she stopped believing in them. After all, weren't they there to protect Wonder, Memories, Hope, Dreams, and Fun? Now, her brother was gone. For a while, she had Baymax, but she'd lost him to the void. She's left alone... but is she really?
 * Genderbent Hiro Sue who gets shipped with Jack Frost, killing off Baymax just to facilitate this, and beige prose. I will not stand to see two of my favorite movies get mangled like this!
 * "The Pain That No One Knows"- T rated - Lord of the Rings x Narnia. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015; badfic is being rewritten, I'm keeping an eye on it to see how much changes)
 * In the final battle against the Dark Lord Sauron, there were 10 members in The Fellowship of the Ring, one a elven ranger by the name of Rain. This is her story, and how she fought for the freedom of two worlds, Middle Earth and Narnia. LegolasxOC
 * To quote SingingTheThunder, who posted this one on the Board, it's got "a Tenth Walker who cooked boiled potatoes with nothing but salt, made Pippin sled down a snowy mountain known to have crevices on a horse on a shield and put a pub named Barnacles, owned by a guy named Arnold who likes pies, up the same mountain."
 * DawnFire's note: This. Is so. Stupid. And I have a terrible feeling that she's going to turn out to be Galadriel's daughter and, supposedly, Princess of Lothlorien. In fact, it's about as subtle as three successive bricks to the head, due to the 'hint' that's actually labelled as a hint by the author and the fact that in the character bio her second name is Galadriel. Which, of course, makes no sense. Also, pretty much everyone is using Modern English speech patterns. Oh, and apparently giving a horse a name that means 'warrior' means that its namesake is someone named Warrior. Never knew that. As for what she does to the characters... well, I won't even start, because we'll be here all day if I do.


 * "The Phantomess of the Opera and the Half-Blood Prince" - unrated - Harry Potter x The Phantom of the Opera. Claimed by Neshomeh, April 18, 2014.
 * * still writing it * When Erika de l'Opera, a girl with a deformed face, moves to England and starts going to Hogwarts, her life changes completely. She gets more friends, she knows more magic than she has ever known, but, most important of all, she falls in love with a boy. But, will that boy love her back after finding out about her ancestry and why she wears a mask? A Severus Snape love story in the Marauders' era.
 * She doesn't know how to use the space bar or the Enter key, her name is dumb, her "deformity" is merely an excuse to accessorize her outfits with cute masks, she sings like an angel (and is told so repeatedly), she composes the score and lyrics to the ALW musical, she makes Severus Snape a perfect gentleman who likes and can afford to wear Ralph Lauren, and Erik talks in her head. Bring on the Punjab lasso!


 * "Purity" - T Rated - Harry Potter x Doctor Who. Claimed by Desdendelle, 17 April 2014.
 * A chance accident strips Harry of his humanity and leaves him a creature of pure hatred. A creature who understands what has been done to him in the past and seeks ultimate revenge. Though at the same time Harry wishes to build himself an empire, built from the ruins of a society he will destroy. Powerful Dark Harry, Dumbledore and Weasley Bashing
 * So, Harry gets turned into a Dalek and completely embraces it, somehow keeping enough of himself in there to still be referred to as Harry, rather than as the Dalek Emperor, but in a completely non-canonical way, there's allusions to all sorts of Evil!Manipulative!Dumbledore tropes including loyalty potions as well as Ginny and Harry having been married at eight without either of their knowledge, and all sorts of other horrors. Not to mention the defective grammar and spelling. Completely shudder-worthy.


 * "Silent Studio" - M Rated - Animaniacs x Silent Hill. Claimed by FourthWallPainter, July 11, 2014.
 * A nice town, a studio and a toon who have a troble past. If anyone decided to flame or troll this story, please read my profile at least.
 * Why yes; it is as bad as it sounds. Subpar SPaG, and character derailment everywhere. Yikes.


 * "Star Class" - T rated - Harry Potter x Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. Claimed by Desdendelle (18th October, 2013).
 * DoM! Year 5/6-AU: He had his past stolen repeatedly because his soul was too stubborn to stay under the control of the light. Yet he only wanted his freedom. He finds it when he tries to die to keep his free will. By chance he finds freedom in the year 2245, where an advanced Earth, & universe awaits exploration, with new friends & dark new enemies! Will he get home, & Justice...?
 * firemagic's note: Oh my god. This... this... OK, just assume that everything even vaguely referred to is replaced and you'll save yourself the brain damage from hearing Harry use the phrase 'shitty titties'. I... I honestly skipped chapter three and briefly scanned four, so I'm only kinda sure that the world they land on is Mid-Childa, but given that they refer to Command Seals there might also be some Nasuverse stuff? WARNING: Detailed description of how Harry is going to torture Hermione. Death and probably a lot of stuff that I missed so yeah.


 * "ThanQ" - M rated - Lord of the Rings x Star Trek: The Next Generation. Claimed by hermione of vulcan.
 * Q has a favor to repay, a favor that lands Picard and his crew in Middle-Earth with a guide they aren't sure they can trust. Will any of them survive Q's gratitude? Rated M to be safe. Most is teen-appropriate, but the last few chapters do get rather dark.
 * Translation: Sue helps Q in the episode where he loses his powers, upstaging Data in the process. His favor is to send Sue and the Star Trek characters to Middle-Earth as the Fellowship. There is no catch, they just have to follow the plot of Lord of the Rings, and as Sue is a fan (and, conveniently, the only one who knows the canon) she's dragging them around. Decent writing, but plotholes a mile wide and rampant OOC on the parts of Picard, Guinan, and Q.


 * "Universe Reflections and Quantum Mirrors" - M Rated - Pokémon x "Dilbert". Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * Summary: Ash Ketchum makes a difference in many worlds! But can Ash Ketchum deal with meeting himself to save another universe or are both doomed to destruction?
 * doctorlit would very much like someone with better knowledge of "Dilbert" than he does to co-write this mission with him.

Black Butler

 * "Queen's Falcon" - T rated. Claimed by eatpraylove February 3, 2015.
 * Hayato Ansastu is the Queens Falcon. She isn't exactly the typical girl either... Human? Demon? Angel? Reaper? How about all? Credits to theimpracticalgirl for the title Also on Quotev
 * Exactly as bad as it sounds. 

Death Note

 * "Light And Dark The Adventures Of Dark Yagami" - T rated. Claimed by SkarmorySilver on February 2, 2015.
 * Summary: Light's twin brother Dark moves in with them! What secrets does he have? Has cusses and Sayu/Misa. EDIT: His other sister Night Yagami will come as well! Find her secrets too!
 * Well, Dark is a Stu through and through, SPaG gets thrown out the window, the plot follows suit after the third chapter, sex does not work that way, and did I mention that TV Tropes actually refers to this as the My Immortal of the Death Note fandom?! That's pretty much all you need to know about how awful this thing is.

Lyrical Nanoha

 * "Magical Mercenary" - T rated. Claimed by Desdendelle February 1st, 2015.
 * When Subaru is summoned to Hayate's office and told to go on a mission with a woman she's never seen before, how will things unfold? And who is the selfproclaimed 'Queen of Fire' hiding in the ruins of a once mighty city?

Tokyo Mew Mew

 * "woof-woof-power" - K rated. Claimed by 123bugsy 12/27/2013, Permission pending.
 * this a story abbot if ichigo was dating my oc otachi and they both get turned into mew mews but he is a woof woof not a mew mew. He is a wolf fox (folf)
 * Yeah, just... ugh.

Yu-Gi-Oh!

 * "Pharaoh Love (Complete)" - not rated. Claimed by Phobos May 25, 2014.
 * I Don't Own Yu-Gi-Oh! Nana is a poor girl ever since her parents die. She posses the millennium belt and attempt Domino High School. Will she bring love to the Pharaoh?

Garfield

 * "The Adventures of Garfield and Rapunzel" - K rated. Claimed by FourthWallPainter on July 11, 2014.
 * A pretty Siamese cat sneaks into Garfield's house to steal food. When he catches her at it, she convinces him to accompany her on her quest to right the injustices of the world.

Homestuck

 * "teh onley oen" - T rated. Claimed by Snowy the Sane Fangirl on July 15, 2014 (Permission Pending).
 * namd 4 teh song by evinessince!11 mistey sparkl is a normle trol...or so se tinks...ten se meats sollex capper!1
 * "mistey sparkl" has blood that changes color depending on her mood. Also, the author is incapable of spelling her name right... or anything else, for that matter.

The Avengers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

 * "Agent Clover the Hacker" - T rated. Claimed by Storme Hawk 22/07/14.
 * She's the youngest hacker in the world, and Johann Schmidt wants her to use her for his latest plan to rule the world. She's placed under the protection of the Avengers, with Hawkeye taking aim on her heart. Is she the new Avenger? Clint/OC.
 * Just wrapped up at 35 chapters. Our Sue's a genius hacker, a trained spy, a skilled hand-to-hand combatant, and Hawkeye's equal when it comes to ranged weapons.

Chronicles of Narnia

 * "The Daughter's Tale" - K rated. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * Arneia has her own path to follow in Narnia, which she will find will cross with those of her saviours. Peter/OC.
 * This 'Sue claims to be the glauranging daughter of Aslan. She's not a lioness, by the way, but rather a human. Also known as the Swordmaiden of Narnia, and has what seems to be a very improbable sword. This might make a good Suevenir (pun intended) for the agents that take on this mission. The story follows the movieverse version of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. ~Pretzel

Frozen

 * "The Most Men's Rights Activist Fanfic Ever Made" - M rated. Claimed by SkarmorySilver, February 5, 2015.
 * A commission to some friends on Tumblr, starring OC Rebecca Christiana Jasmina Xaila Rodrigues Diogo Velazquez against Elsa and her evil whore army of femnazis.
 * Do I really need to explain anything else?

The Phantom of the Opera

 * "Never Let Go" - unrated. Claimed by Neshomeh, April 23, 2014.
 * Janessa Detris was not like any average teenager. She was abandoned at birth, homeless because no orphanage would take her in, and didn't have any friends. She thought that she was the only one. Up until she heard about the Opera Ghost. She heard about how he burned down the Opera Populaire, and relocated to Fantasma on Coney Island, where the love of his life died. Janessa thought that she was going mad. So, she traveled to Spain to distract herself from the matter. But it didn't turn out as well as she hoped.
 * A marvelous train wreck of a story.

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

 * "Snapped" - M rated (Please note this story is on AFF) NSFW/NSFB. Claimed by Miah 06/15/11 (renewed claim 05/25/14).
 * When Watson decides to marry again, Holmes looses it. And finds a way to keep his doctor from leaving. OOC, M/M, Anal, Oral, Abuse


 * "Welcome to the Future" - T rated. Claimed by Miah 06/15/11 (renewed claim 05/25/14).
 * Sherlock Holmes and Watson literally fall into Mine and Lydia's lives.How will they cope with the new world? follow us as we attempt to stop Holmes insulting people or getting himself killed and Watson tagging along. Holmes/OC Watson/OC

Star Wars

 * "Destiny of the Sith" - T rated. Claimed by Ekyl.
 * While Darth Sidious makes his own plans of destroying the Jedi, another Sith Lord, who perhaps more powerful than Sidious, makes his own plans which will result in the death of the Jedi and Sidious himself. Read and Review. AU.
 * Massive Gary Stu in this, two canon characters killed, and Ahsoka turned into a minor slut.


 * "Different" - T rated. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * An Ahsoka/OC fic I've decided to remake Different, so reread Chapters 1-3 before you read Ch. 4, and be sure to tell me what you think of the remake
 * Standard Stu who&mdash;like nearly every OC in the Star Wars The Clone Wars section&mdash;romances Ahsoka.


 * "Heart of Darkness" - T Rated. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * AU: Vader finds Leia at an early age. Is the redemption of the Dark Lord at hand? Or will the Princess fall into darkness. Follow Leia as she grows up to be a loving daughter, dependable friend, swoop bike fanatic, chic shopaholic, and Sith Lord.
 * Well... Leia's Replaced by a massive Sue that uses the Dark Side without being corrupted, Vader becomes a caring father... there are also some SPaG mistakes. And this thing is huge: 49 chapters.

Tangled

 * "Men of Constant Sorrow" - M rated, NSFW/NSFB. Claimed by Miah 10-12-11 (renewed claim 05-25-14).
 * Flynn and Eugene hate one another.
 * And then they 'love' one another--in the worst possible sense of the word. How? Just. How?

Harry Potter

 * "The Adventure of Harry and Rose Potter" - T rated. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending)
 * What if Harry wasn't an only child? What if he had a twin sister named Rose Lilian Potter? This is her story. Born on August 1, she was sent into hiding and went to live with James' sister Jenny who then fled to America to flee from Voldy. re-written
 * Caddy's Note: OCs interposing themselves into key positions, the sue being his long lost twin sister, you'd almost think they were intelligent and planning this...


 * "Alyssa Reynolds and the Soul Collectors"- K+ rated. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * Alyssa has an American exchange student as a roommate! At first, everything is all fun and games, but then the mysterious Soul Collectors come after Ruby. Who are the Soul Collectors? Why do they want Ruby? And why isn't Voldemort showing his face?
 * DawnFire's note: You'd think from the summary that there might be some depth to the story, but nooo...it's just a two-chapter anime-fest. At Hogwarts. Complete with bad SPaG, too. Almost completely nonsensical.


 * "The Deadly Twin" - M rated. Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * Where can you go if you are dead, then meet your almost twin who is dead, while joined by your wife who is bonded to you. Then Zeus makes a decision along with the other godesses. Then will you revenge Dumbledore who killed you. Please, this is M rated for everything, but no slash.


 * "The Girl who Tamed Unicorns" - K rated. Claimed by KittyEden (pending Permission).
 * The story of a new arrival at Hogwarts. Sorry, this is a bad summary, but I'm new at this.
 * The new arrival turns out to be a Sue (surprise, surprise!), the most beautiful girl the boys have ever seen, and such a natural at magic that she can outperform Hermione despite having no formal tuition before, and the fic being set in their 4th year.


 * "Harry Potter and the Guardians of Hogwarts" - T rated. Claimed by Storme Hawk 20/12/13.
 * Harry's third year at Hogwarts, a time of worry as Sirius Black has escaped Azkaban, however when two mysterious people and a fifth house appear things are going to get thrown on their head. Full Summary Inside, Canon up to Third Year. AU, slight Molly/Dumbledore Bashing, Eventual Harry/Hermione Smart!Powerful!Grey!Harry. On Hiatus, pending re-write.


 * "HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" - M rated, NSFW and NSFB trollfic. Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * Summary: Harry Potter eventually eats a sandwich and discusses life with a famous author.
 * Laburnum has laid claim to the fake Pokémon from chapter seven.


 * "It's only a song" - K+ rated. Claimed by Tomash 29 May, 2014.
 * What happens when a new girl arrives during Harry's sixth year? What will happen when she gets involved in the lives of others? Will she ruin the Trio's friendship? Or make it stronger?


 * "Life of Cristancia" - M rated. Claimed by LightDarkPheonix and aussiebrd23 (pending Permission) Dec. 8, 2013.
 * first fic, it's really good. It's sorta a crossover, but not yet and will be crossed over with many things so I will keep it here. I hopr ya'll enjoy Cristancia, my OC.
 * Possibly a trollfic, decidedly NSFW and NSFB. We will kill it as soon as we get Permission.


 * "Little Miss Mary," Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 - M rated - NSFW/NSFB. Claimed by Iximaz December 18, 2014
 * Harry/Severus alternate universe. Okay, let's see how many warnings I can come up with. Underage (this is the biggie), cross-dressing, kinky shoes/clothes, sex - lots and lots of sex, character deaths (just the Dursleys), bestiality (if wolf and dog count), odd pairings, Mpreg, pagan rituals. I think that's about it.


 * "rise of darkness" - T rated. Claimed by KittyEden, pending permission.
 * Harry wasn't an only child.He had a brother.Harry was declared squib.On the fateful night of Halloween when Voldemort attacked,his brother is declared the boy who lived.Harry grows up being neglected. see how he grows in potter house hold... Dark harry!


 * "Rose Potter" (The Girl Who Lived series)- M rated, NSFW. Claimed by Iximaz December 18, 2014.
 * This thing' not legendary for nothing. Fem!Ninja!Naked!Druidess!Harry replacement, severe canon breaches, bizarre druidic rituals at Stonehenge...


 * "Subjugation" - NC-17 rated. Legendary Badfic! NSFB! Claimed by Neshomeh and Tungsten Monk until the end of time, if need be.
 * SUMMARY: Severus Snape accuses Albus Dumbledore of rape. Dumbledore claims that it is all a misunderstanding. Who is believed, the Savior or the Turncoat? ** WARNINGS: AU, Very Dark Fic Chapters may contain any of the following - M/M Slash, M/F Slash, Mpreg, M/M Rape, Graphic Violence, Child Sexual Abuse (Non-graphic), Incest, Bondage, Implied Bestiality, Character Death, Cross Dressing, Foul Language.
 * Note: The fic seems to have vanished from the internet, but since Neshomeh has a copy (much to her revulsion), the mission will go forward&mdash;when all has been prepared. There are honor, pride, sanity, and canon at stake here. For great justice!


 * "The Diamond Tears of the Black Court" - T rated. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * Aira had been told shes a witch,shes okay with that.But with Dumbledores unusual behaviour towards her and the forbidden forest calling her,shes having doubts to whether she is what they say she is,her magicks different to the others, then theres them...
 * Filled with extremely pretentious and meaningless purple prose and centers around a completely unbelievable jerkass protagonist who gets everything handed to her by divine will of her author.


 * "This Devil's Love" - T rated. Claimed by Iximaz February 21, 2015
 * Snape's duaghter, a bad *** goth from America, comes to Hogwarts. Draco Malfoy has never met anyone so evil in is life... even bad boys can fall in love...
 * I couldn't stop laughing; this is hysterically bad.

The Inheritance Cycle

 * "Selena's Daughter" - T rated. Claimed by Iximaz February 11, 2015.
 * What if there was one more child? One more Rider? Abandoned by her mother and raised by a blacksmith, Florina must decide where her loyalties lie as His daughter. Rated T for possible cursing
 * This one is nuts; she out-Sues ERAGON, of all people. She's Eragon and Murtagh's half-sister and the daughter of Galbatorix. She also teaches herself magic at the age of ten, before going on to get herself a nice shiny gold dragon that she names "Gold" in the Ancient Language. No, really. Of course she's also an expert swordswoman and a spy for the Varden... yeesh. Fifty-one chapters of this is fifty-one chapters too many.

The Lord of the Rings

 * "The Black Child of Mordor (Legolas Love Story)" - not rated, likely T. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * Selena is a servant of Sauron, but only because he holds her brother, Elfor, hostage. When she is captured of Elrond, Legolas falls for her at first sight. However, she must get the ring back to Sauron and kill the Fellowship to keep Elfor alive. Who's life is more important to her-Legolas or Elfor?
 * Sauron has "Selena Gomez" for his daughter. Ha ha ha ha. Of course Legolas would fall in love with her, whom the Lord of Imladris captured. (Not to mention she was with the Nazgul at that same moment.) And what's up with the font? *opens up story* Ai-eeee! My eyes!


 * "Blade"- K+ rated. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * Laiqualassiel, better known as Ivy, has always loved to fight. But when she joins the fellowship, has she bitten off more than she can chew. let's see sexist pigs, sword fights, a ring, and long walks. IT"S GOT EVERYTHING!
 * Warrior-Sue who beats five ringwraiths at once, and is also the last member of a noncanon species. Only two chapters at the moment, but some real sporking potential here.
 * DawnFire's note: It has Grelvish. And role-stealing. And a Sue with a name that I'm pretty sure is a feminised version of Legolas' name in Quenya. One can't really be surprised that it seems to be heading towards Legomance.


 * "Business at the Prancing Pony" - Restricted Audience rated - NSFW! Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * Sam's account of what really happened at The Prancing Pony


 * "Claws" - not rated, probably T. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * Winter is a shape-shifter. She, in dept to Gandalf, agreed to protect Bilbo and Frodo Baggins in the shape of a black cat. But what happens when Frodo must join the fellowship? Will Winter be able to protect him as she has always done? (Legolas love story) **FINISHED**


 * "The Empty Vessel" - NC-17 rated. Claimed by Tungsten Monk and Neshomeh, Jan 24, 2015.
 * A woman discovers her world isn't the only one falling apart.
 * And proceeds to wreck Middle-earth so she can have a special destiny that culminates in psychically dictating J.R.R. Tolkien's ideas to him.


 * "The Fellowship of the Nazgirls" - T rated. Claimed by 99Hedgehog, August 4 2014
 * Chapter 14: We learn of the fate of Chanilia. R&R Please! This is an AU fic but im sure you don't care
 * Woah. Just... woah. I can't even begin to describe how utterly atrocious this 'fic is.


 * "I Don't Bow To Crowns (A Legolas Love Story)" - not rated, probably T. Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * Legolas has been the crush of many women over the centuries, but none of them has been the one for him. Can a simple ranger, who doesn't know much about her past, change that?


 * "The Last Queen of Fangorn"- K+ rated. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * What if one of the Fellowship was a girl? How would they all act? Due to extensive research about ability, military position, romance Rosie and Arwen, and the appearance of female dwarves, there is only one option. Yes, I am turning Legolas into a girl
 * Answers the age-old question that no one asked or wanted to know (especially via Fanfic): What if Legolas was female? As it turns out: nothing, the people act the exact same way. The only difference is that Legolas has an 'a' at the end of his name. Extremely inaccurate in basic canon info, such as: Thranduil is not King Fangorn, and Thranduil is named Thranduil.
 * DawnFire's note: So many minis. So many misquoted lines. A 15-year-old Elf, for crying out loud. Oh yes, and this: '"Nine companions...and a horse," said Elrond. "So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the ring."' I think that says it all, really. Oh, and then there's the bit where Theodred ends up in the Undying Lands after dying. In corporeal form, mind you. And they sail East to get there. Yes, East. No, I'm not making that up. They seriously sail East and manage to get to Valinor.


 * "My Lady Dunedain"
 * Whole set claimed by Antigone68104, now that it's complete. (Claim renewed 5-16-14.)
 * "My Lady Dunedain: The Fellowship of the Ring" - K+ rated.
 * The Watcher has always been on her own, doing whatever she wanted to, fighting, killing, but when Gandalf asks her a favor she becomes apart of the Fellowship and falls in love in the process. But will she survive long enough to realize it? Aragorn/OC.
 * Tenth Walker Warrior!Sue in the movieverse. Misogynist!Boromir can't decide if he's falling due to the power of the Ring or lust for the Sue.
 * "My Lady Dunedain: The Two Towers" - K+ rated.
 * What will the future bring for our fragment of the Fellowship as they enter Rohan? What does Altrasea encounter as they enter the halls of Edoras? But more importantly, will our favorite lady Dunedain survive the coming battles?
 * Yep, the Sue's real name is Altrasea.
 * "My Lady Dunedain: The Return of the King" - T rated.
 * What will the future bring for the Fellowship as the battle to end the War of the Ring draws near? What happens when love is used against a king and the lady has no way of stopping it? Will Aragorn and Altrasea survive, or will Altrasea be left behind?


 * "The other Evenstar" - T rated. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015).
 * Seraphina has a dark and shameful past. She joins the Fellowship to help Frodo on his mission to destroy the Ring. However, her past comes back to haunt her. She must fight to protect the ones she loves and fight to keep control of herself.
 * Where to even begin. This bit of writing features a raging Sue with a name that references a religion that's non-existent in Middle-earth, Boromir wearing his "soldier's uniform" to the Council, Boromir-bashing, and wounds from a Morgul blade that behave uncanonically (in a clothes-burning way). The Sue saps powers of decision, convinces Frodo to volunteer to take the Ring to Mordor, has a Magical Necklace of Mary-Sueness that occasionally burns her, and volunteers to go with the Fellowship before Gandalf. All of this is from the first chapter, and I've even left some things out (such as line-mangling and mini-Balrog creation). Later on, she mentions that she helped to deliver both Eomer and Eowyn, and that she and Eomer used to go on adventures together. I'm also pretty sure it's a Legomance, although I suppose it could be Aragorn instead. Do I really need to go on?


 * "The queen - (Legolas love story)" - not rated, likely T. Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * On their way to Mordor, the fellowship meets a mysterious girl, who is she and what's her background story?


 * "The Royalmaiden's Journey" - K+ rated. Claimed by Lenore Snow 5 February, 2014.
 * When Arnuriel is sent to follow the Black Riders, she has no idea what kind of journey is waiting for her. She sets off with the Fellowship of the Ring for an adventure of a lifetime. Legolas/OC.


 * ѕαυroɴ'ѕ ɴeхт тαrɢeт - T-ish rated (as far as I know). Re-claimed by Huinesoron, 15 Jan 2015
 * Anneliese Felagund never really knew too much about her past. She grew up in Archet, which is a city in Bree. Her mother died, and her father left before her mother died. That's all she knew about herself...
 * I think she deserves killing just from that summary. She claims to be the daughter of Finrod Felagund, and to have the Silmarils ground up in her blood...


 * "This is not the Renaissance Festival" - T rated. Claimed by Storme Hawk (renewed January 14, 2015)
 * Tiffani and Shea end up in Middle Earth instead of at the Renaissance Festival. The Fellowship of the Ring meets the soul mates.
 * Real gem, this one. Two Sues, no description, random everything, go after Haldir and Legolas respectively. Lots of Hobbit-hugging, very bad case of Bubbly!Sues with mindsets of immature teenagers. Characters remind of cardboard. Too many immature pranks to count. Generally confusing. Short paragraphs and chapters, 18 chapters, complete.

Maximum Ride

 * "Taylor Winter Ride: A Iggy Love Story" - not rated. Claimed by Nue Houjuu (Permission Pending).
 * If you have read The Angel Experiment you should know that they left out a girl. Her name is Taylor Winter Ride. Read to find out what happens!
 * OP-Sue joins the flock, general Sue-related stuff happen, and also has an extra Relationship Sue added in. Tackling something from my personal Canon Research list as a first mission.

Percy Jackson

 * "Son of Chaos Book One" - M rated. Claimed by Storme Hawk (renewed January 14, 2015)
 * Perseus has lost it all. Olympus has turned against him, Annabeth has dumped him and he has lost his family. In his last few minutes of life, Percy is visited by a mysterious figure, who gives him a chance to re-do everything, but this time not as a Son of Poseidon, but as a Son of Chaos. Percy/Thalia Pairing.
 * "Moon Daughter"- T rated. Claimed by Iximaz January 15, 2015.
 * Flavia a beautiful demigod was in love with Luke but now she discovers she is the only daughter of Artemis in Camp Half Blood! And she must go on a quest to find Artemis so she can be and hunteress, because she can't stay at Camp Half Blood any longer because she is bullied by Annbeth and the other deimgods and Chiron says the prophecy says she must leave before more people die!
 * I'm fairly certain this is a troll, since it's basically My Immortal: Percy Jackson style. Everyone is thrown wildly OOC, and the Sue is a daughter of Artemis. Need I say more?

Shakespeare

 * "Moor's Legend" - K+ rated. Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * Othello is a wolf named Moor out to win the heart of the one he loves. A friend will become his enemy. A Wolfspearian tail to enjoy. more chapters soon.

Tamora Pierce

 * ​"The Avatar" - M rated. Claimed by Rosie Azrael 08/07/2013.
 * ​ Alex, daughter of Gainel and Eliana leaves her home in the Realms of the Gods to stay with her mothers brother in Tortall, the Coopers


 * "I Mustn't Love You" - M rated. Claimed by Rosie Azrael 08/07/2013.
 * Keladry and Lord Wyldon kept captured by the Scanrans and a mage who likes to enjoy his prisoners. What is Wyldon to do when Kel is taken advantage of? Eventually Kel/Wyldon

The Thief/Queen's Thief Series

 * "The Thief: A Different Story" - T rated. Claimed by Rosie Azrael 08/07/2013.
 * Based on The Thief by Megan Turner. What if Eugenides had been a girl?

Warriors

 * "Snowkit's torture" - T rated. Claimed by KittyNoodles
 * Jenna, a human gets transformed into a kit of Riverclan. She is beaten and wanted to be killed her intire life. A challange one shot for Nightclan.

Doctor Who/Torchwood

 * "DOCTOR WHO AND THE VAMPIRESSS" - K rated. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * CAN THE DOCTOR KILL THE VAMPIRES IN TIME?
 * So basically, hello trollfic! Which, coincidentally, is perfect for something I'd like to write now. Thanks for reporting it, 99Hedgehog...


 * "Every Fangirl's Dream" - K+ rated. Claimed by Pippa's Ghost 3 May, 2014.
 * A/N: Yes I know that this story has been done before. I just had to do my own version of this. So sorry in advance if you think I stole your story. Anywho...sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors.


 * "Stopwatch~a doctor who love story (10&11)"- not rated, so I'll say it's rated T for swearing. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * When a time lord or lady finds their soulmate, time seems to freeze. They call this their stopwatch. My name is Olivia Corey. My mother escaped from a dyeing Galifrey when she was pregnant with me but she died soon after I was born. I am the last time lady and this is how I met the doctor.
 * Basically, Time Lady Sue romances the Tenth (and later Eleventh?) Doctor, manages to character replace the TARDIS, and drags the Torchwood team into it. At least Martha's out of it&#x2014;she leaves before the Doctor even meets the Sue, lucky woman. Also features transplanted aliens from a different movie, which is utterly ridiculous. Oh, and did I mention the soulmate thing? What's wrong with gradually progressing romance, I'd like to know...

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

 * "120 Days of Blueblood" - Mature, WARNING: NEITHER SAFE FOR WORK NOR SAFE FOR BRAINS. Claimed by Wobblestheclown.
 * This story takes place in an alternate universe set before the events of the first season. In this Equestria, Luna never became Nightmare Moon and the two princesses have ruled the kingdom together for thousands of years, where they are revered as gods. When Prince Blueblood is denied access to the females of Rarity's family, he plots to make them come to him. Future chapters will involve different members of the mane six.
 * Further along in the summary, it reads "Those familiar with "Salo" will understand the origins of this story." Doesn't that just about sum it up?
 * (Renewed as of 14th January, 2015, by Wobblestheclown's returnbie form Scapegrace)


 * "Cheerilee's Garden" - not rated, but very dark, seems to be an M at least. Definitely not brainsafe. Claimed by Tawaki and Tungsten Monk, June 13, 2014.
 * When Cheerilee gets assigned to a new class of problematic students, she slowly slips into a depression. She finally finds a way to cope, one her students probably wouldn't like... All of this is somehow linked to the children's new school play, but how? Will they find out in time for it to make a difference, or are they all doomed from the outset? And if they are, will Cheerilee herself get away unscathed, or will she share their fate? Only one way to find out...
 * Cheerilee murders many of her students horribly.


 * "My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing" - Everyone (fimfiction rating). Personal rating of bleepfic. Claimed by World-Jumper (Renewed claim: 5/26/14).
 * Venture into a whole new world where whole new winged unicorns, not alicorns, face off against evil forces unlike anything on FIM. New characters, newer plot, songs too. This is my world.
 * Key phrase here being "unlike anything on FIM." Indeed, arguably this is the opposite of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Even better, he drags his "world" into Equestria later. 


 * "my love rainbowdash" - Teen (Fimfiction rating). Claimed by y2k890 (Permisson Pending).
 * this is a story that i just decided to write and i think i made the first chapter tarable but i am going to keep writing and i hope you guys like also i got a editor to start editing my storys and he will fix them plaese dont make to much hate on me
 * Takes place during Rainbow Dash's backstory. Minis and grammatical errors abound. Bringing punctuation just in case.


 * "Pattycakes," Part 1, Part 2 - not rated, though possibly T or M. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * Fluttershy drugs Rainbow Dash and forces her to act like an infant for a full afternoon, somehow breaking Dash's mind in the process, to the point where she actually gains the mentality of an infant.
 * Later in Part 2, Scootaloo tries to find out where her mentor went, which leads to the revelation that the entire town is in on Fluttershy's twisted game. Scootaloo is forced to endure a series of tests that Jigsaw could have made, and (depending on the ending you choose) either winds up becoming Fluttershy's assistant, or falling victim to the same drug that has Rainbow Dash acting like a toddler.
 * The entire town is OOC. THE. ENTIRE. TOWN. Everyone that lives in Ponyville has been affected by this travesty on some level, from sharing False!Fluttershy's "age play" kink (everyone, despite this being a kids' show with no indication of any sexual content whatsoever) to actively helping False!Fluttershy in preparing the foalmula. (Twilight Sparkle supplied her alchemy set, and Zecora produced the necessary herbs to make the foalmula) Either False!Fluttershy's a seriously powerful Sue, or the agents assigned to this fic will have a lot or exorcising to do. Bring backup in either case. And Bleeproducts.
 * "Pegasus Device" - NSFW, NSFB.- Claimed by Shadow (2/17/15)
 * Cloudsdale Weather Coporation has been running without incident for over twenty years. That is, until two foals manage to avoid being processed and find themselves in the haunted bowels of the massive facility. Can they make it out o the abandoned factory with their sanity intact? Will they uncover the secrets even a company as dark as the CWC is ashamed to keep? And what of the workers who help ensure that, in the end, not a single soul gets through...
 * Aurora Dawn is back with yet another story filled with the murder of innocent foals! Be careful about accepting this baddie, because apparently this isn't a one-shot like its predecessor.


 * "Suicidal Nightmare" - Teen. Claimed by Wobblestheclown.
 * Luna Burns her-self to death in the bathtub. Princess Celestia tries to cope with the death of her sister. Is this real or a suicidal nightmare?
 * Do I even need to explain why this one needs a good killing? Beyond just how melodramatic it is, it tries to morph into a horror story midway through, and fails miserably. Have fun with this one and its silly attempts at being dark and creepy!
 * (Renewed as of 14th January, 2015, by Wobblestheclown's returnbie form Scapegrace)


 * "Sweet Apple Massacre" -  EXTREMELY NSFW, NSFB!!!  Claimed by SkarmorySilver.
 * I remember reading in a previous PPC mission that this fic was un-missionable due to glorifying violence, but I think there's some story potential to be had in this one, personally. At the very least, it'll be satisfying to dispose of the replacement of Big Mac, and somebody has to kill this abomination anyway!


 * "Yiffing is Magic" - NSFW, YKINMK. Claimed by Toopurple (Permission Pending).
 * He is either a very subtle troll or he is honestly trying to introduce the brony community to a kink that is less rare in furry communities.
 * The only thing that is really missionable is that he's a trans-dimensional hopper and Lyra is given a disturbing characterization.

Psych

 * "Like Father Like Daughter" - T rated. Claimed by Miah 6/15/11 (Renewed claim 05-25-14).
 * Hello! this is my first Psych fic ever! so plz give it a try! What happens when you throw in the Psych mix...Shawns daughter? Yes!our beloved psychic has a kid and she is as smartass as herfather but she has a secret! I can feeel that you want to read it

South Park

 * "The Siren" (Also posted here) - T rated. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * Siren is Mysterion's new partner and the newest member of Coon and Friends. But what will happen when something threatens both her and Mysterion's very duty to protect the city and the Earth?
 * Mary Sues abound, since the author included EVERY OC suggested.

Star Trek

 * "It's not a blender it's a coffeemaker!" - T rated. Claimed by hermione of vulcan.
 * Syan is an Elvic healer needed for a long mission, but when her innocent flirting lands her a husband she fights with her family that she didn't marry a blenderDataOC
 * Summary says it all.


 * "rare musical moments on the USS Enterprise"- K+ rated. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * a songfic about the star trek crew singing about certain subjects that so relate. bones and kirk make a bet, uhura and gailia just being friends Spock and uhura in a quiet moment after he has a bad day many little drabbles there no slashing just plain fun and joyful moments sometimes sad moment on the U.S.S enterprise mainly spock/uhura McCoy/Nurse Chapel Gailia/ Scotty Janice/Kirk
 * Ugh. This fic. I can't even. First of all, 'rare musical moments'... judging from this fic, they're anything but rare. In fact, there are going to be 100 chapters dealing with them. It's currently at 61. Second, this does contain random crossovers, but they only last for a chapter at a time, so it's simpler to just put it in the Star Trek category. It's supposedly AOS; it brings in a lot of TOS characters, randomly crosses over with Star Wars, and don't even get me started on the plots it adapts from musicals and movies (Les Mis and The Lion King, to name two). Spock is replaced by an emotional human teenager; McCoy must have access to some sort of history channel; the entire crew of the Enterprise fits on McCoy's family ranch; and did I mention that singing is an old McCoy family remedy? No, I didn't know that either. It also does a great job of ruining McCoy's character, and while I'm at it, I'm just going to give you the link to what I wrote about this fic on the Board, because it's too long to put here and what I am putting here is also getting very long. Something else that should be mentioned here is that I've nominated this fic for Bleepfic status... hopefully you can see why. I'm going to go back to consuming Bleeproducts now. Have a nice day.


 * "Red Dragon" and "What is There To Do in Space?" - T rated. NSFW Claimed by hermione of vulcan.
 * Kunsei, a young Commander, has a tortured past aboard the U.S.S Malinche. Now on the Enterprise, she is determined to prove her new reputation to the captain who treated her so badly, until everything goes wrong.
 * Data and new Transfer, Commander Kunsei, decide to take a break from the usual duties of the Enterprise.
 * Fifteen-year-old commander. In a relationship with Data for no discernable reason (The second fic is smut). Can shapeshift into a dragon and gets cybernetic implants. Has a tortured past. No scene breaks, and some really random Picard/Riker slash. DEFEATS THE BORG QUEEN. I'll stop now.


 * "THE NEW GIRL on Voyager" - K+ rated. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending).
 * A beutiful American teen appears on Voyager and all of the boys on the ship falls in love. She need to go back home.
 * Terrible spelling, a Mary Sue and causing massive OOC to boot.


 * "Time Travel"- K rated. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * This is my first ST:TNG fic it's about a girl from the 1940's who accidentally ends up aboard the Enterprise. ITS DONE! Please RR.
 * Do I really need to elaborate? Featuring historical fails&#x2014;both World One and Trekverse&#x2014;as well as SPaG issues, OOC everyone, Picard going on an away mission, Picard taking a nine-year-old on an away mission, Picard turning into a Dalek (ok, fine, Picard speaking&#x2014;pardon me, "snapping"&#x2014;in all-caps and reminding me so strongly of Daleks that I read his line in a Dalek voice), and the creation of both the hollowdeck and the mini "hollodeck". She also has a conversation with Warf the mini-tribble. It's pretty ridiculous...and exactly what I need for a planned mission, so I'm claiming it.

Supernatural

 * "Darkest Nights"- T rated. Claimed by DawnFire (Claim renewed February 2, 2015)
 * My name is Eva. I am 20 year, my life completely changed when I ending up in a accident. No I do not see ghost or can see the future. No it is completely different and maybe outer worldly.
 * DawnFire's note: ... yeah. Pretty annoying fic. Focuses on a Sue who's a Hunter, a psychic, and Bobby’s niece, as well as a tragic home life, terrible SPaG, and far too many plotholes. She also helps Sam and Dean on a hunt, and has in-text a/ns that are only marked as such by parentheses. The beginning and end a/ns aren't differentiated from the story text, either, and this is the first story I've ever seen to feature a 'declaimer' rather than a disclaimer. This is not a good thing

The Walking Dead

 * "The Walking Dead Reprisal" - M rated. Claimed by Dark Brother 16 (Permission pending)
 * The world she knew was gone. Keiko Watanabe, forced on her own by the death of her family, is out to seek her only surviving friend, and those responsible for the virus. Smart, skilled, manipulative, and dangerous, she goes through her new life doing whatever it takes to survive.
 * The story goes with the show. Starting around the "Save the Last One" episode and goes from there.
 * Dark Brother 16's note: Here is a classic example of a Mary Sue embedded in the zombie epic The Walking Dead. She is from Japan, she wields an exotic Sword of Sueness, she has a pair of wolf companions, she has a traumatic past which is ratcheted down in intensity, and she romances Daryl Dixon. It's almost as if she was made with the PPC in mind!

X-Men: Evolution

 * Too Much - K+ rated. Claimed by doctorlit January 14, 2015.
 * We all know Kurt was experimented on, but who says he was the only one? I do not own the series.

Halo

 * "Halo: The True Meaning of Christmas" - T rated, although even that is overstating things - Claimed by AdmiralSakai (pending Permission) 02 AUG 2014
 * The Arbiter and the Elites experience Christmas for the first time. Arbiter and Miranda pairing. This fanfic was co-written with Doctor Anthony. Read and Review. From us both we wish you a very Merry Christmas.
 * Sappy, crappy, and mercifully short.

Minecraft

 * "Queen of the Mobs" - T rated. Claimed by Mikelus (pending permission).
 * She is chucked into the Nether as punishment for a crime she didn't do. She hid under a group of blazes and learned their language and befriends the mob. She heard the rumours of the End from Wither Skeletons. She caught whispers of the Aether from Enderman in the Overworld. She goes on a journey and befriends every mob in existence and learns their language.
 * Hoo boy, where do I even frelling start...

Spore

 * ​"Grox and Kisses" - T rated. Claimed by Sjosten May 5, 2014.
 * 'I never knew I would be here.With a mate of pure fantasy.And all love and power a monster like me can devour.'-Amy Marks,Empress of the Groxian Empire. Part of TOTT. New chapter is out!

World of Warcraft

 * "The Island" - rated T. Claimed by Phobos May 25, 2014.
 * Deathwing, the Aspect of Death, and Alexstrasza, the Aspect of life, have been stranded on a mysterious island after a group of adventures attacked N'Zath during a conflict between the two. Now they must survive together, and survive the emotions the have
 * You heard that right, ladies and gentlemen. Two of the most powerful beings in the World (of Warcraft), an Old God, and geographical aberrations. How can one pair of agents hope to overcome all of that? Answer: they can't. This will be a multi-department operation.
 * "The Crimson Fox"- T rated. Claimed by Iximaz January 16, 2015
 * Crimsonfox is your standard issue Alliance Rogue. Now the SI-7 has given her the prestigious task of guarding King Varian Wrynn. Is she completely unprepared for her assignment? You had better believe it.
 * The poor king is thrown wildly OOC, and then he and the Sue get their freak on.