Stormsong

Stormsong is an exorcist in the Bad Slash department.

He is currently NOT AVAILABLE FOR USE IN PPC MISSIONS by anyone except Laburnum, who asked his original author specifically if she could feature him. Mention his name if you will, though, but please credit and link to Snowspine.

=History=

-SPOILERS FOR VQ (GOODFIC) AHEAD.-

Once, Stormsong was a perfectly normal comparatively-innocent Mossflower weasel – well, not normal in that he wasn’t anything like as violent as weasels usually are in Mossflower, but otherwise. Anyway, he reached the rank of captain in the Nighthunt horde in the epic fanfic Vengeance Quest (rated R for violence and sexual references, NSFW but still good), made good use of his talents for music and healing, and seemed to be doing fine. His author also seemed to be doing fine, as Agents Laburnum and Foxglove were pleasantly surprised to find when they discovered the main character, the squirrel Riala Goldentail, was in fact worthy of being left alive.

Unfortunately for him, Nightdeath Longclaws, leader of the horde, did not take kindly to the discovery of his healer’s, ahem, alternative orientation, and chose to allow thoroughly gruesome things to be done to him, culminating very quickly in his painful death. Agents Laburnum and Foxglove took pity on him and saved him from this, along with Subcaptain Skyfire, who was intended to be slain by the official heroine Riala Goldentail (whose lack of a capital offence probably contributed to the agents’ desire to do something worthwhile while in the fic, since there was nothing to kill). He’s taking to Bad Slash work fairly well; he has excellent lung capacity and a good voice for the traditional exorcism shouts, amazing paw control after years of lute-playing and surgery, and as an ex-healer he’s good at telling what is and isn’t physically possible in the NC-17 parts.

=Appearance= Stormsong is a humanoid Least Weasel (Mustela nivalis), notable for his grey fur. He claims he was born with it, and since none of the human agents are any good at telling the ages of weasels they don't argue. His work partner Skyfire claims it was several shades darker before he joined up, though.

=Personality= Rumour has it that in his darker moments Stormsong considers finding the co-ordinates for VQ and going back because a horrible death is preferable to what’s currently happening to him. The list of HQ mishaps so far includes: being brought to the PPC in the first place; PTSD and very graphic flashbacks for a trauma which technically didn’t happen to him; other people thinking the aforementioned situation is funny; working in the Bad Slash department, to which his official introduction was several of the sections of That Series; being persuaded to foster Molly Rath and Moses Taggson; being forced to explain to Agent Drake, among others, that he is not engaged to Skyfire; being stalked by practically every female mustelid in the Official Fanfiction University of Redwall, both students and staff (several of whom have just started reading VQ and therefore he can’t tell them exactly why he wants them to back off for fear of spoiling parts of the fic); and the fact that thanks to his semi-Shakespearean dialect a lot of the people he meets at the OFUR can’t understand half of what he says (the other agents mostly manage, though). It’s unknown why he’s become so unlucky, but the generally accepted theory is that the Laws of Comedy require any character who thinks they have dignity to be singled out and have said dignity systematically removed. Research into the Laws of Narrative also suggests that the suffering he would have experienced had he stayed for his official death built up and must be released over the course of his newly-elongated life, hence the sudden influx of bad luck. Considering what his "death" was like, this will take a while. He copes via music therapy with his beloved lute, the support of his new friends, regular help from Doctor Freedenberg, and a slowly-increasing addiction to Bleeproducts.

After all this, he's decidedly jumpier than he was in the original fic he came from. This has led to at least one good thing; after his first death flashback during training, he was excused the No-Drool videos. He is also the only known agent to truly loathe the famous Discworld-originating song "The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All", though considering his circumstances this is unsurprising. In his words, "'Twould not even be such a bad song if 'twere true." He refused to elaborate, and the other agents' reactions range from relief to disappointment.

He actually doesn’t mind having Molly and Moses around as much as he pretends to. He has Molly under better control than Skyfire does, generally by giving her sweets or shiny objects as a bribe to shut up and behave. She addresses him as “Uncle Stormy” – once again in his words, “What? ‘Twas this or ‘New Daddy’.”