The Suvian Proteome

This is a companion piece to Trojanhorse's Scientific Theory of Suvian Origins, written by Crystal.

It has been hypothesised that the common Mary-Sue evolved from primitive suematolites (a multicellular organism). It has also been hypothesized that many of the attributes of ‘Sues stem from the incorporation of Mica in some proteins. To explain this researchers began looking for evidence of mica like structures within the proteome of various ‘Sue types. Much to their surprise a whole new amino acid appears to be present within the proteome of ‘Sues, but not possessed Canons, or Agents. This amino acid has been christened Suemainie and is possessed of the general structure: X2Y4(6)Z8O20(OHF)4 H-N-C-C=O H H O-H

Where X may be No or Zr, Y is Ag, Au, or Pt and Z is usually Hg, but can be Pb

The structure is unlike that of conventional mica, but follows the same pattern. The presence of a heavy metal group within the structure may account for the poisonous effect of ‘Sues on the canon, and also for the addiction of many ‘Sues for the ‘Goth’ look. The presence of Suemainie is what gives Glitter its characteristic sparkle, and is also responsible for the allergies suffered by many agents on contact with ‘Sues. Suemainie is also responsible for the unusual strength and endurance of ‘Sues.

‘Sues are known to excrete pheromones which attempt to attract all available males in the vicinity by stimulating the brain to produce Lustin. Some species and individuals are notably resistant to this, including Dwarves and Giants. Lustin causes male canons to believe that the ‘Sue is “The most beautiful girl he had ever seen”, despite all the evidence to the contrary. ‘Sueish Pheromones act differently on female canons, either causing them to become horrendously jealous, or very girly, which usually manifests in the canon lending or making the ‘Sue a dress, or doing her hair and make-up. It appears likely that ‘Sues secrete a number of different pheromone types, including Aggregation Pheromones (To attract canons), Alarm Pheromones (Causing canons to act if the ‘Sue is in danger) and Epideictic Pheromones (to warn off canon females). ‘Sue pheromones appear to work on the canonical brain in such a way as to slow the thought processes and dull the senses and reactions. This accounts for the ‘Sueish ability to defeat multiple enemies before the canon characters have even drawn their weapons.