Suicide

Agent Suicide, originally a character from the novel Gates of Fire, was a casualty of Thermopylae who was noncanonically resurrected by person or persons unknown. He began in the Department of Bad Slash, but after a few... incidents... he was transferred to Mary Sues. He was paired with Agent Diocletian until she feigned insanity, whereupon he was paired with Ithalond. He worked with Rowan while Ithalond was recovering from a Dibbler pie. His last recorded mission was working with Dio on Subjugation, where they vanished in the middle of the PPCing and went AWOL for several years.

The two of them were eventually rediscovered hiding in Azeroth, and have recently (reluctantly) returned to active duty.

Appearance
Lacking a physical description in his home universe, Suicide's appearance defaulted to Bishonen Standard; he has been described as unusually tall, with darkly tanned skin, long dark-gray hair, and a plethora of unusual scars. This has proved troublesome in past&mdash;as seen during Agent Rowan's first mission, when she had to repeatedly inject herself with Anti-Lustin in order to prevent herself from doing something regrettable. When not on missions, he tends to smoke constantly (he prefers Sobranies) and does not bathe regularly, two factors which tend to counteract the unfortunate effects of his appearance.

Personality
Unlike his partner, Diocletian, Suicide appears rather laid-back. He has been seen drinking like a fish, charging headlong into highly dangerous situations simply for the fun of it, stealing cinnamon toast from a bewildered Hogwarts student, and possibly admitting to subscribing to numerous top-shelf porno mags. He has a recorded fondness for novelty kangaroo jerky.

Given the time period he hails from, there were some initial misunderstandings between him and the PPC people. One of his first solo missions in the Dept. of Bad Slash almost went awry because he didn't understand what was bad about "the seed of the superior warrior Sephiroth being passed to the inferior Cloud." Later missions screwed up simply because being brought back from the dead hadn't dulled his axe-crazy suicidal impulses: for a man who spent half his life trying to die, being resurrected is the ultimate insult, and he's determined to do the job properly this time.

He is immensely amused by the English language and its various expressions, and loves lampshading the various bizarre phrases that people use every day. On at least one occasion, he carried around an actual lampshade specifically for this purpose.

Agent History
Suicide's early history is unknown: being an uncanonical copy of a canon character, even he only knows what the original text said about him, and it unfortunately isn't much. He's a Scythian (making him one of the few people at Thermopylae who would have conceivably worn trousers), and his mother was a traveling priestess of the goddess Na'an. As a young man, he killed either his father or father-in-law in a dispute over a woman, a sin which should be punishable by death. Unfortunately, he couldn't commit suicide, since it would either be hugely unworthy or too good for him&mdash;depending on which version of the story he's telling.

He wandered for months, trying to find someone who would kill him. Nobody would do it; they were all certain that the crazy kid had some kind of curse on him, and nobody wanted to risk it. His travels eventually took him all the way to Lakedaemon, the Spartan nation, where he met a Spartan nobleman by the name of Iatrokles. Iatrokles advised the youth to join the army, assuring him that it was a sure-fire way to get killed.

Unfortunately, joining the army to let yourself be killed by some enemy would be just like killing yourself outright: he had to fight back. Too bad he kept winning. The crazed man soon earned himself the nickname of Suicide for his habit of throwing himself into every possible fight, armorless and often barehanded; sheer lunacy kept him alive long enough to develop some skill, and that kept him alive even longer.

He did eventually get his wish: the battle of Thermopylae saw him die serving as a human shield. It wasn't the end, though. A hugely convoluted series of events led to him being noncanonically resurrected to serve as a PPC agent.

Writer
At one point, Agent Suicide's writer retired from the PPC, but he was awarded into the custody of Neshomeh in order that he might be borrowed with Neshomeh's permission. However, since said writer has made something of a return, Neshomeh relinquishes custody back to her.

Some time after leaving the PPC, his writer deleted all of his missions from her Livejournal. Fortunately, the missions are also available on the PPC: The Lost Tales archive.

Mission Reports
Home Page

Partnered with Diocletian

 * Ranariel, Elf Ranger of the North (Lord of the Rings)
 * Of Sar-Plasm, Sue Pies, and Other Affairs of the Organs (Narnia)

Partnered with Ithalond

 * 'Twas Many and Many a Year Ago, in a Nondescript Random Town by the Sea (Pirates of the Caribbean)
 * In Which Logic Is Seen as Optional, at Best (Lord of the Rings)
 * Ow, Ow, and Ow Again (Harry Potter), temporarily partnered with Rowan.
 * Just One Letter (Harry Potter)

Re-partnered with Diocletian

 * Subjugation (Harry Potter), incomplete, NSFW