Scientific Theory of Suvian Origins

The following essay regarding Suvians was written by Agent Trojanhorse. Where she found the time, we will never know.

Long ago, on an Earth not dissimilar from our own, Suvians arose. Their origins, a mystery. Their attempts to blend into the societies of multitudes of species from all across the multiverse are often stymied by their inaccurate anatomy, and the Aura of Smooth that surrounds them alerts the wary to their presence as often as it eases their way amongst the unwary. The incorporation of glitter into their systems has frequently confused those who investigate their origins. This essay will present a new hypothesis as to the affinities and structure of the Suvian being.

Stromatolites are primitive organisms made of mats of cyanobacteria ('blue-green algae') sandwiched with layers of clay. They arose early in the history of life on this planet, and it is highly likely that such an organism arose on other planets as well. A possible origin of Suvians starts with stromatolites growing on mica-rich substrates, incorporating tiny particles of sheet silicates into their structure. Micas, such as muscovite, biotite and chlorite are sparkly, and are the probable origin of the glitter component of the Suvian. Silicates are capable of growing into large and complicated structures. A stromatolite (or suematolite, as the mica-rich alien proto-Suvian will henceforth be known) that grows large will be able to reach more nutrients than a smaller suematolite, and so we can imagine suematolites growing to varying sizes and competing, size-wise. The more ground a suematolite can cover, the more mica it can incorporate, also.

Motility of the organism is a problem with the theory, but should the algal mats develop cilia and work cooperatively, a basic form of gliding movement on slippery surfaces could be achieved, consistent with the 'graceful gliding step' of the basic Sue. Once movement is achieved, however basic, better movement will be developed by natural selection.

As for the resemblances between various Suvians and other species, it is a simple case of mimicry. Given the propensity of primitive types to bash that which does not belong, a suematolite that manages to look like the the suspicious species will survive longer.

A further possibility that occurs is the division between sweet, goody-two-shoes Sues, Evil!Sues and feminist Sues. Perhaps these three basic types could be explained by differing kinds of mica incorporated in their structure? Who knows. Research is ongoing