Legolas by laura

Officially titled "legolas," this Legendary Badfic, originally posted on Quizilla, became inextricably linked to its author and soon became better known as "legolas by laura." The badfic was sporked by Agents Dafydd Illian and Selene Windflower.

"Story"
The story begins with Legolas riding through the woods and finding a baby "whaped" in "colth." Thanks to Suvian influence, he picks her up, names her "laura," and goes to his house to show her to his father and mother. They then adopt her.

Ten years later, laura asks Legolas to teach her how to ride a horse, and he agrees. Soon after, Aragorn and Gandalf visit Mirkwood. Despite it being ten years since Legolas adopted laura, they don't know about laura. Sauron plans to kidnap her (it later turns out that Laura has a power that can "distoy us all the bad guys").

Legolas and laura "horseride" through the forest and meet Aragorn and Gandalf. Legolas introduces laura to them. Later, they go back to Legolas' "castle." Legolas asks Aragorn and Gandalf if they can stay. They say yes.

After having tea, they go to bed, and a random bunch of Orcs capture laura. The guards do nothing, and laura is taken to "Mondor." There, Sauron tells the Orcs to throw laura in a cell and do whatever they want with her as long as they don't kill her. An orc "stripes" her and rapes her but laura fends him off by saying "go away you bastard." Because of that, the other orcs "whipe" her and "bet" her almost to death. Then, Sauron goes into the room with a bottle of "posion," which he "injets" into her.

A few hours later, Legolas, Gandalf, and Aragorn get to the front gates of "Mondor." After an inept shouting match, Legolas climbs up to the cell (announcing his intentions to Sauron on the way) while Aragorn and Gandalf "run" into "Mondor." There, Gandalf has a duel with Sauron, despite the huge power disparity between them.

Meanwhile, Legolas frees laura and kills the Orcs. Aragorn appears. In Sauron's Throne Room (presumably), Gandalf is having a "fun" time trying to kill the Dark Lord, and wishes that the Hobbits were there. They then appear. Frodo tells Sauron that he got rid of the Ring, and the Dark Lord is destroyed by Gandalf.

A few more hours pass, and Legolas and laura are on their way back to Mirkwood. She gets sick, and Legolas diverts the party to Rivendell, also a few hours away from Mirkwood.

There, Legolas stands by laura's side until she wakes up. When she does, he kisses her and she asks him if he wants to be her boyfriend. He says yes, despite the fact that he's supposed to be her adoptive brother and she is ten years old. They discuss their terrible experiences (Legolas having revealed that when he was laura's age, orcs abducted and treated him in a similar fashion), and Aragorn enters the room. The story ends there in mid-sentence due to Quizilla posting limitations, never to be resumed.

Trivia

 * Every canon character in this story is either OOC or Terribly OOC. There are no exceptions.
 * "Laura" is incidentally similar to the Quenya word laurë meaning "gold colour". However, it is unlikely the author knew this; plus, Legolas is Sindarin and thus is unlikely to give Quenya names.
 * Since the main part of the story happens ten years after laura is adopted, it is obvious that laura is 10 years old. That makes her a loli.

Quotes

 * "how can people put baby in the woodsand to die"


 * Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the dark lord.

Laura: how did you know that Legolas: when I was your age they did the samething to me
 * Legolas: they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion

The Dark Lord: no
 * Legolas and others: let Laura go

Orcs: because she got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys.
 * Legolas: Why they did it to you not me?

Dramatic Readings

 * A dramatic reading of "legolas" by PPC Board members
 * "legolas by laura - The Motion Picture" by ITTMoses
 * "Bad Fanfiction Theatre: Legolas by Laura" by MasakoX