They Did What with a Baseball Bat?

Maddie and Terrah were a pair of Potterverse Sues. They were slain by Agents Laburnum, Foxglove, and Naomi.

Character History
Maddie and Terrah started out as two apparently-normal Muggle girls, who were staying up all night on a dare. Lord Voldemort and Wormtail Apparated into the house for unknown reasons, whereupon the Sues discovered their immunity to magic and proceeded to beat the two wizards up with a baseball bat and an umbrella. Dumbledore appeared and attempted to erase their memories. When this didn't work, he explained the entire Wizarding World to them and invited them to attend Hogwarts. They repaid him by going off on tangents while he was trying to talk to them, laughing at what he said for no apparent reason, and referring to him as "Dumdoor."

Charges
Maddie and Terrah were jointly charged with "being Mary Sues; with blathering about your super talents; with hitting the Enter key in the middle of paragraphs instead of at the end; with bad spelling, grammar and punctuation; with being immune to magic; with being able to beat up Voldemort with household junk; with getting the name of the Cruciatus Curse wrong; with calling Voldemort a ‘real pansy’ and a ‘wuss’; with causing unintentional cannibalism by missing out a comma; with ignoring the existence of American wizards; with being too lazy to write out the word ‘with’; with making Professor Albus Dumbledore openly show confusion and shock; with making Professor Albus Dumbledore stupid; with forgetting Professor Albus Dumbledore’s title; with refusing to respect Professor Albus Dumbledore in multiple ways including directly insulting him, threatening him with a baseball bat, and mispronouncing his name; with making Professor Albus Dumbledore use the word ‘crazy’; with making Professor Albus Dumbledore unable to interpret idiom; with turning Professor Albus Dumbledore into the wizarding world’s answer to Captain Obvious […] with featuring the mini-Aragogs Hary and Voldmort; with using two rows of percentage signs to mark a scene break; with malapropism; with inserting random instances of archaic grammar for no readily apparent reason; with being pathetically shallow and immature; with assuming that spewings of random gibberish amount to actual humourous material; with making Hermione Granger apparently unable to recognise obvious sarcasm; with not knowing the difference between the singular and plural forms of ‘Animagus’ or the fact that it should be capitalised; with misrepresenting the accents of the British Isles; with causing physical and mental harm to PPC agents by means of unnecessary screaming … and generally with being really freaking stupid and annoying."

Character Death
Because of their immunity to magic, Maddie and Terrah were killed via axe and sword, with assistance from a stomping by Naomi. Their bodies were dumped in Deathly Hallows-era Knockturn Alley, where nobody would care about the corpses of two Muggles.

Links

 * The Badfic


 * The Mission