User:Hieronymus Graubart

Hieronymus Graubart is an avid reader (mostly reading in German), who joined the PPC although he did not expect to do really much in this foreign language. A somewhat encrypted report of his actual activities may be found in the Chronicles of Plort. Hieronymus was given Permission to write in the shared universe on June 28, 2016. He has not used it yet.

Facts
This is what Hieronymus told on the Board so far (or wants to reveal here).

Pre-Web History
Hieronymus Graubart is much older than any other Boarder whose age he knows. You may have guessed this from his user name. “Graubart” is German for “grey beard” (or “gray beard”, if you prefer the American spelling). Also, the old, dead-tree encyclopedia he used to check had two entries for “Hieronymus”: A holy hermit and a heretic burned on the stake. Hieronymus thinks that a combination of both fits his personality quite well. Note: This is still valid, although boarder Hieronymus may have gotten holy Hieronymus wrong – an ascetic is not necessarily an hermit.

When Hieronymus was still young, he tried to write original fiction and, with a lot of luck, had actually one story published in a short-lived German science fiction magazine (not a fanzine). But since they misspelled his real life name in two of three cases and two different ways, and nobody can determine whether and where they got it right, this may be considered to be published anonymously. At this time, Hieronymus also read some German amateur science fiction, some of which was fanfiction for a German pulp science fiction series, and in some cases Hieronymus thought that an over-enthusiastic fan editor had been too eager to get content for his fanzine which was not written by himself. But Hieronymus was quite forgiving in these days, and at least it was not possible to get bad SPaG past most fan editors.

Realizing soon that most authors cannot make a living of the fruits of their labor, Hieronymus fell back to plan B, trying to become a scientist, but keeping the habit to read everything readable, 'not-readable' including literally unreadable for SPaG as well as clichéd romance and gore for gore’s sake. One day, he purchased a German paperback edition of The Lord of the Rings, which lacks most of the appendices, because the German publisher didn’t expect that people actually wanted to read this stuff. Hieronymus fell in love with the epic adventure, read The Hobbit immediately and also got a copy of The Silmarillion as soon as it was available in German. Although he never tried a deep analyses, doesn’t know half of the canon, probably misunderstood what he believes to know (or the translator may have gotten it wrong) and never bothered to learn Sindarin, Hieronymus still lists LotR as one of his fandoms, because it is the book he re-read most often.

Mr. Graubart encountered fanfiction again when he stumbled upon Hawk Mistress, tried to read everything about Darkover, as far as it was translated to German, and realized that most of the stories in the Best of Darkover Anthologies were not actually written by Marion Zimmer Bradley. At about this time, he became more and more aware that he would never be able to earn a Nobel price, thus he decided to utilize what he had liked to do most in ten years of a scientific career and got a new job as a software engineer. It has to be admitted here that Hieronymus is a rather shy person and prefers interacting with computers over interacting with people whenever he has the choice. This is probably the reason why he is talking on the Board rather than in a pub with a mug of beer in his hand. '''"Stop psychoanalyzing me!" Hieronymus Graubart (talk) 12:04, September 17, 2013 (UTC) ''' Considering this, it’s a mystery how Hieronymus became married, but he is.

The Long Way to the PPC
In summer 2000, Hieronymus Graubart’s daughter listened to a Harry Potter audio book. Hieronymus, busy with other things to do, overheard only some sentences (Harry and Ron meeting Hermione at the Hogwarts Express for the first time, and then the Troll Incident and the Trio becoming friends because it was just impossible not to happen), but he became hooked forever.

Having been spoiled for Dumbledore’s death before she even could lay hands on a German edition of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Hieronymus’s daughter insisted on reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in English as soon as it was available, and Hieronymus learned to distrust translations. "Chivalry is a Gryffindor trait? Really? Why did the German Sorting Hat never mention this? Probably because it didn’t fit into the rhythm and rhyme of its songs."

Looking for more information about what had really been written in those other books, Hieronymus found The Harry Potter Lexicon. In the end, he had to re-read all the books in English anyway, but through the Lexicon he also found the old – sadly now dysfunctional – World Crossing Harry Potter Lexicon Forum, where he soon indulged in discussions about such world shaking problems like Slytherins´ evilness, the colour of prefects’ badges, the number of Hermione’s O.W.L.s and the mysteries of the Fidelius Charm. Joining the fandom so late, Hieronymus missed all the fun of wild speculations, but he also avoided the terrible shipping wars, which is probably a good thing. Hieronymus also became much more aware of the existence of fanfiction, but refused to read this stuff, because "it’s hard enough to remember what was only in the movies, I don’t need more contamination". He made only one exception for Shewhoguards’ End of the Line, recommended to everybody who needs closure after the Battle of Hogwarts and does not get it from the Epilogue. Hieronymus did not get all the Disc World references, but he liked it, and since it is set in the afterlife it could not damage his precious canon memories.

As of 2013, Hieronymus is still on another, very slow re-read of the books, taking one year per book and occasionally posting his observations on the new Harry Potter Lexicon Forum.

HieronymusGrbrd (apparently IntenseDebate doesn’t like long names with spaces) began to follow Mark Reads ... Warning: Strong Language in summer 2010, when fellow forumers Freshwater and Potteraholic pointed out that reading Mark Reads Harry Potter was nearly as good as being able to read the books for the first time again. Hieronymus commented on Harry Potter, The Hunger Games (which he didn’t actually read), The Book Thief, His Dark Materials, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, and he became aware of many other word worlds he otherwise would never have heard of, but then he fell back into lurking mode because he does not have sufficient time to read and watch with Mark while there is so much else to do. Also, Hieronymus made another exception from the no-fanfiction-rule; since he could not be outbraved by Mark, he read the Legendary Badfic My Immortal, which is so bad there is actually nothing in it that could be confused with canon.

What happened next is not clearly remembered. In early 2012, Mark or somebody commenting on Mark reads ... or on Mark watches ... mentioned genre-savvyness and linked to The Universal Genre Savvy Guide and Hieronymus, following his habit to read everything readable, read through The Evil Overlord List and all its derivatives. In case he would ever be the Head of an Alien Monitoring Agency operating in a universe where travel between different parallel worlds is possible, it was recommended to keep good relations with the Men in Black (Hieronymus had watched the movies), Torchwood (he recognized this because it had been mentioned on Mark watches Dr. Who) and a bunch of other organizations, including the PPC, which he had to look up. So he found the Wiki, the Board and The Original Series, and he became hooked again, because it is so much fun to watch the agents struggling with badfic.

Hieronymus then read several OFUs and everything linked on The Complete List of PPC Fiction, he started to lurk on the Board, he started to talk on the Board, and finally he introduced himself and also created this User Page.

Beta Offer
Hieronymus Graubart is willing to beta-read. Here is what he may be good or not so good for:
 * Outstanding at Harry Potter canon accuracy (bookverse only)
 * Exceeds Expectations at SPaG – expectations should be low because he isn't a native speaker, but the need to pay attention does make him less prone to imagining what should be there.
 * Acceptable at general clarity and continuity
 * Poor at other canons he is vaguely aware of
 * Dreadful at positive feedback – you have been warned

In case you cannot grab him on the Board, you may e-mail h.graubart at t-online[dot]de, but be aware that this inbox is checked as irregularly as Hieronymus visits the Board, and that Hieronymus generally considers being hasty as bad. So if you are in a hurry, you may need to find somebody else.

Trivia
Hieronymus Graubart promised to make good use of the personal welcome gifts he received:
 * a gold medal for being able to write English better than most Americans (?)
 * a fluffy (toy) velociraptor
 * an Infinite Notebook, lined, with urple covers and wilver binding
 * a wilver knife
 * Messiaen’s Turangalila Symphony
 * the One Spatula to Flip Them All

Concerning the Spatula, Hieronymus revealed that his cooking abilities are limited to coffee, tea and canned soup, but he may learn to make pancakes.

Rumours
Unfortunately, Miss Kitty was not available to confirm that Hieronymus Graubart actually joined the Official Fanfiction University of Azeroth, but we got a copy of his application form anyway. It is difficult to determine how honest he has been there, but since the known facts fit some of the information given on this sheet, although sometimes in a convoluted way, it may be not too far fetched to assume that Hieronymus Graubart is invested in this ecological protect-the-nature thing the Cenarion Circle has going. And apparently he only applied because he once created a female player character, fell in love with her and now plans to insert himself into the World of Warcraft. One has to wonder what Mrs. Graubart might have to say about this.

Counter-statement
Mr. Graubart's lawyer kindly informed us that Mrs. Graubart is the only person Mr. Graubart is in love with. Mr. Graubart played World of Warcraft, many years ago, strictly out of curiosity, because he wanted to find out what all his friends' sons were so exited about, and he stopped playing because he feared the addictive potential of the game, not because his wife became jealous.

But when Hieronymus read missions set in WoW, he remembered his player character, felt bad about abandoning her and ever since is imagining that she escaped into the Emerald Dream and might be brought back as an PPC agent, even if this means that he has to write badfic so that some Agents can enter it to kill the blatant self-insert Gary Stu who tried to join OFUA.

Or the Ironic Overpower may find another option.

Writing Exercises
Note: All these writing exercises are currently out of continuity, but since Hieronymus now got Permission, they may be revised and made canon.

2015 HST: Unwritten back-story.

2015 HST: "In the Void" (alternative link) (written July 16, 2014)

January, 2016 "First Encounter" (alternative link) (written Jan. 24, 2014)

Jan./Feb., 2016: Third Not-Quite-Annual PPC HQ Hunger Games

February, 2016: First Mission (yet to be written),

September 2016: Fourth Not-Quite-Annual PPC HQ Hunger Games.

September 2016: Second Mission (yet to be written).

October 2016: "Fluffy Interlude", leading into Hieronymus and Androia's participation in the mass exorcism of Everfree Forest (mentioned here and here. (Written Oct. 30, 2016, semi-canonical, because it refers to another, non-canonical interlude?)

October 2017: "Best Day Ever" (written Oct. 14, 2017)

Near Future: "Narrative Laws" (written Feb. 19, 2015)

Later: "Precedent Breaks" (written Oct. 11, 2014)

Far Future: "Ten Years Hence" (alternative link) (written Oct. 15, 2013)

Definitely Out of Continuity
The Uncanonical Department of Inaccuracies is intentionally badly written and full of bad ideas, including but not limited to creating a new department that has never been approved by the Board. Its Unofficial Department Head is the Snowdrop (first appearance on the Board on Feb. 23, 2015). Since Fanfic World is not reliable, due to recurring invasions by "Imperial Liechtenstein", the following links may be used:
 * "Minor Correction" Humor/Parody (written Sept. 24, 2013)
 * "Special Mission" Humor/Parody (written Sept. 22, 2014)
 * "Mysterious Nonscience Reader 2014": Androia and Hieronymus read "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles )" Humor/Parody (written Sept. 24, 2014)
 * Part 1
 * Part 2
 * Part 3
 * Part 4
 * "Intermission: Fall of the Lightning Stone" Revenge fic (not an Androia-and-Hieronymus-story, written Oct. 01, 2015)
 * "Ticket to Ride" Serious Business (actually written in early 2015, but published in the 2016 badfic games)