Paddlebrains

Paddlebrains first registered on the PPC radar when drawing the attention of the Department of Bad Slash to a Real Person Slash travesty involving a third-wave emo band in a very compromising situation (read it here . In revenge for this atrocity, Paddlebrains was dragged forcibly into the largest single exorcism/assassination ever undertaken by the DBS - that of the Land Before Time (see Land Before Time: Littlefoot x Cera). She subsequently latched onto Agent Trojanhorse, and is currently turning a corner of RC# 45 into an ashtray while being subjected to Legendary Badfic.

Appearance
Paddlebrains is a Potterverse Animagus, and technically the warped, female reincarnation of Sirius Black, as the result of some very odd online RPing during which 'Padfoot' became 'Paddlebrains'. In human form she looks mostly like her original author, being redheaded and tallish, but her Animagus form is a large, scruffy, smelly, dribbly black dog, just like the real Sirius Black.

CADs are confused by Pads, because while she looks to be female, canonically she is male. Pointing a CAD at Pads is therefore liable to make it explode.

Personality
Pads is extremely sarcastic and a fanatical Britpicker, to the point of obsessively reading the Words of fics in the process of being sporked with an eye to correcting the mannerisms of American agents she happens to be working with. She has what is described as an incurably filthy mind, but lacks the mental shields that long-term employment in the DBS causes its agents to develop, and so still has flashbacks to C*l*br**n at inappropriate moments.

Her mildly obsessive personality also manifests itself as a beard fetish, thanks to bleedthrough from her author's overexposure to Commander Riker in her youth, and a werewolf fixation due to the bias to Remus/Sirius slash in the AU she was spawned in. Following her going to the Discworld with the kleptomaniac Agent Trojie, she is known to have filched boots and other footwear from Discworld canon characters.

She is known to enjoy taking mind-altering substances, and thanks to the fanon of The Shoebox Project, appears to be under the impression that Gillyweed is hallucinogenic. However, in February 2008 HST, it was finally brought home to her that this is untrue. Unwilling to accept the lack of mind-altering experiences thus available in HQ, she began devoting much of her downtime to the Quest for the Sentient Cannabis Plant. So far, all she has been able to discover are Glodstoppers - a dangerous mix of subtances that cause the user to see God and then fall over. Needless to say, her partner is a highly unwilling participant in this Quest.

Partners and Family
Paddlebrains is partnered permanently with Agent Trojanhorse, who recruited her, and as of November 2008 is also temporarily partnered with Oscar Henson, who is being trained to take on work in the new Division of Mpreg. Pads is also currently pregnant with the debugged child of Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer, and is being driven stir crazy by her partner's overprotective smothering, and also by the lack of nicotine.

Missions and Timeline
January 2008 HST

Draws the attention of Agent Trojie to "Rhymes With Bang Bang Sob".

Mission One: a training mission with Agent Gypsy

Mission Two: Paddlebrains is stampeded and thus recruited to aid in the destruction of Land Before Time: Littlefoot x Cera

February 2008 HST

Is partnered with Agent Trojanhorse, who eases her in "gently" with the MSTing of a particularly disturbing H/D badslash.

Mission Three: To The Moon - affectionately known as Paedo!Harry.

Begins the Quest for the Sentient Cannabis Plant.

Mission Four: A Promise to be Kept Part One Part Two. Nameless Cat adopted.

March 2008 HST

Mission Five: Out in the Rain. Paddlebrains is infected by Trojie's Discworld kleptomania, and returns with the Boots of Truth and the Boots of Justice

Mission Six: LxC: The DinoSue Strikes Back. LBTwriter churns out another chapter of biologically inaccurate dino-porn, Paddlebrains plays with explosives, and Trojie plays vivisectionist.

April 2008 HST

Mission Seven (unreleased): Pain - Childe Elrond gets preggers by an Orc. Trojie threatens to horribly maim anyone and everyone within reach in the event of further subjection to mpreg.

Begins the wooing of her partner.

Mission Eight: LxC: Return of the DinoSue

May 2008 HST

Mission Nine: Fun in Buckland. Which transpires to be neither fun nor worksafe.

Mission Ten: Pathways, in two parts.

June 2008 HST

Mission Eleven: Manhood - in which Pads is tormented by naked!Snape.

July 2008 HST

Mission Twelve: The Phantom DinoSue.

Mission Thirteen: Baby bump, hormones & tennis. Pads and Trojie take in Wimbledon, with unexpected results.

Mission Fourteen: Midnight Visitor. Pevensies are violated. Incestuously. Without lube, obviously.

September 2008 HST

Mission Fifteen: Doom: Repercussions of Evil. Trojie and Pads play deathmatch.

Mission Sixteen: What Happens in Narnia Stays in Narnia. At least until Trojie and Pads get involved.

Mission Seventeen: Ethuil'waew. Trojie and Pads train up newbie Agent Oscar Henson of the Division of MPreg.