The Mechanics


 * If you're looking for spelling, grammar, and/or punctuation, see their respective pages. This article is about something QUITE different.

The Mechanics, reduced to the absolute basics, go something like this: Tab A inserted into Slot B, coupled with suitable manipulation of Button C. Unless you're a dinosaur, in which case you lack not only Button C but also a fully formed Tab A, and so should not be attempting anything that may later warrant inclusion on this page.

Many badficcers have precious little knowledge of the Mechanics. This leads to charges such as bad biology, dubious lube, and squick.

When the Mechanics come up as mangled in a fic, it's usually the Department of Bad Slash that deals with them, although Sues are often caught having it off implausibly with canon characters such as Legolas. In these cases the Department of Mary Sues will send in their agents, who are usually extremely unhappy about this course of action.

Common problems with the Mechanics in badfic include:


 * Not There.
 * Dubious lube.
 * Assuming your characters are bendier than actual endoskeletal creatures have any call to be.
 * Exaggerating the prowess of one of the protagonists, often ignoring Button C entirely.
 * Ridiculously proportioned body parts, to the point of Not There.
 * Causing certain fluids to taste of things that they really don't taste of (for example: champagne and strawberries).
 * Making the first time of a character not be at all difficult, and also making them know exactly what they are doing. (NOTE: Technically, the first time is not supposed to be painful. Mildly uncomfortable, perhaps, but unless you lack sufficient lubrication it should not actually be painful.)
 * Portraying damage to Slot B in some form as a Good and Romantic Thing. Most of the time, it really isn't.
 * For fertile het couples: Not using any form of contraception and yet not having them even worry about the possibility of a pregnancy.
 * Assuming your characters have a good bit more stamina than their species is known to have. Bonus points if they're mentally quantifying their stamina during the scene.
 * Applying the wrong name or function to various body parts, e.g. assuming that the clitoris is an orifice, or, as on one memorable occasion at Weepingcock, assuming that the prostate is the same thing as the penis.
 * Disregard of basic hygiene when that is not clearly the point of the scene.