Claimed Badfic

This is a list of all claimed badfic that a PPCer has staked a claim on.

You may claim a fic before receiving Permission; just make sure you note that your claim is pending Permission so we don't get confused and think you're jumping the gun.

If you claim something from the list of unclaimed badfic or otherwise, make sure to:
 * Move it here, clearly labeling it with your name/the name(s) of your agent(s) and the date of your claim. Please be aware that very old claims (generally 18+ months) may be bumped back to the Unclaimed Badfic page or, if the badfic is no longer available, deleted entirely.
 * As on the list of unclaimed badfic, please include story summaries, links, and ratings, just for the masochistic amongst us who actually like reading badfic, the poor insane souls.
 * Place your claim in alphabetical order in the appropriate category, which would be the fandom that it comes from unless it is a crossover, in which case put it in Crossovers and note which fandoms are crossed. (Note that The, A, and An don't count for alphabetical order.)

If you remove something from this list, make sure to remove it completely. That includes its category if it was the only fic in it. Doing so reduces clutter and confusion.

If you have KILLED something from this list, make sure it gets removed to the list of killed badfic.

For those depressed by the quantity of badfic, the list of killed badfic may cheer you up. Maybe.

LAST CLEANUP: ~Neshomeh 19:23, July 8, 2012 (UTC)

Crossovers

 * "Advanced Wizardry" - T rated - Harry Potter x Young Wizards. Claimed by Elemarth.
 * CROSSOVER Nita and her fellow Young Wizard, Kit, do a transport spell horribly wrong and they wind up at Hogwarts castle at the time of the Marauders.
 * They're taken into Hogwarts as fifth-years, despite the face that they don't even have wands, let alone know all the things that first through fourth years know.


 * "Artemis Artemis Fowl and the Time Lord" - K+ rated - Doctor Who x Artemis Fowl. Claimed by desdendelle (pending Permission).
 * A crossover of Artemis Fowl and Doctor who. Artemis manages to get the TARDIS to land in his garden, so Artemis can ask some questions. But then Number 1 comes along, possest by the Midnight creature. Quantum Zomies are their bodys, and they're getting AF
 * Take Bleeprin.


 * "Aurelia the protector and the golden light" - Lord of the Rings x Inheritance Cycle. Claimed by DML and Caddy-Shack March 16, 2011 (delayed posting).
 * Aurelia, daughter of Sauron, first female dragon rider, half sister to Eragon and Murtagh. this is her story, here she finds bravey and friends, along with love. This is a reload of Aurelia, the golden light, this is a bit better than the first, enjoy R&R
 * Claimed for the episode "FNG" of Tangodown! (Subject to Change)


 * "Bella goes to Middle Earth" - M rated - Twilight x Lord of the Rings. Claimed by Meta 10-02-2012.
 * Bella gets sent to her rightful home Middle Earth where she is an elf. The Cullen's soon follow to help her. Set after Edward leaves her in new moon. Read as they join the fellowship and save the world. Bella falls for Legolas her true mate. Mature.
 * Exactly what it says on the label. Bring Bleeprin for when Elrond says his immortal line: "17 companions… So be it!"


 * "Blood Raining Night" - M rated - InuYasha x Hetalia x Legend of Korra plus about half a dozen other things. Claimed by Neshomeh and Phobos, September 20, 2012.
 * Reicheru Ketsuekineko-oni is a 17 year old caat-demon girl who is torturched by the memory of her father. She works for the Yakuza with her dog-cat-demon friend Inuyasha. She loves denmark but her love is put into peril. Will she save her relationship and destory her father? FIND OUT!


 * "Eternal Memories" - T rated - Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha x Cardcaptor Sakura x Sailor Moon x Shugo Chara (?) x completely original and unexplained canon squished together with the others with no rhyme or reason. Claimed by Karrin Blue and Sergio Turbo.
 * When your a mage, your work is never done. When your a mage, and charged by the gods to create an army to kill off seven beasts, your life is Hell. Luckily, your not alone, you've got mages, girls with planet power, and a girl who has magic cards. R&R
 * Oh gods above, this is horrible. An entirely new canon is spawned from the author's imagination (the backstory of which is kinda-vaguely explained on the author's DeviantArt page, not in the fic) and is squished with the main canon with no sense.


 * "Full Metal and the Hogwarts mishap" - T rated - Fullmetal Alchemist x Harry Potter. Claimed by Neshomeh, July 8, 2012.
 * Ed goes to Hogwarts to investigate these so called wizards. Posing as a student from Durmstrang, he runs into Harry and his gang, and guess what happens? mishap!Please R&R AU EdWinry! Harry and Ginny or Harry and tonks havn't decided yet
 * Warning: eye-bleeding formatting.


 * "Furies of Panem" - T rated - Codex Alera X Hunger Games. Claimed by Fractal Dawn, Feb. 27 2012.
 * Gale/Katniss, no pairing for the main character, Desiderius. A Codex Alera Hunger Games xover. Desiderius competes, loses a friend, and leads a rebellion...
 * Gross mischaracterization of a canon character within the first two paragraphs. Thankfully short.


 * "If I should Die before I Wake" - T rated - Narnia x LOTR. Claimed by EileenAlphabet, December 13 2011.
 * NarniaLOTR crossover. Boromir wakes up in the cold snow of an unknown land. Can he survive long enough to get back to Middle Earth? Or will the White Witch and her secret police kill him a second time?
 * Sequel-claiming. Although this one has a lioness who is the daughter of Aslan, so it warrants killing in its own right.


 * "Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy Truth or Dare" - Kingdom Hearts x Final Fantasy - T rated. Claimed by ShatteredSanity.
 * A bunch of KH and FF characters forced against their own will to do what YOU want them to! 8D
 * This fic is HORRIBLE. It hurts to see the Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy characters be subjected to this.


 * "Metroid: the Gensokyo Project" - T rated - Metroid x Touhou. Claimed by Platinumyo.
 * Gensokyo in the future is a desolate wasteland plagued by the evil of Phazon. Samus, a team of Federation marines, and a small science team do not know what evil lurks in the once beautiful land of Gensokyo. Neither do its inhabitants.


 * "Neutral Countries Can't Fight Dark Lords" - K+ rated - Hetalia x Harry Potter. Claimed by Kitty's Muse 6/28/11.
 * In 6th year at Hogwarts Harry starts to act rather...differently. His anger is now Chopin not Capslock. With Hermione and Malfoy acting up too, what's going to happen? Features Austria, Prussia & Hungary so far. References pairings.
 * Some of the Harry Potter canons... are possessed by the Hetalia canons. What. The. Heck. Not to mention Russia/Neville and Voldemort become buddies over their problems with women. As if.


 * "The Puella Magi of Middle Earth" - T rated - Puella Magi Madoka Magica x Lord of the Rings. Claimed by Karrin Blue and Shadow on May 21, 2012.
 * What if the Puella Magi were involved in Middle Earth? Join Madoka and her friends as they struggle to help Frodo after Kyubey sent them to Middle Earth. Frodo/Madoka


 * "the shock of a lifetime" - T rated - Inheritance Cycle x Primeval x Doctor Who x Superman x (possibly) Twilight x a children's TV show the authors can't remember the name of. Claimed by SingingTheThunder (pending Permission) on July 20, 2012.
 * It was a normal day for Lana, Evie, Scoble, Megan and Caitlain. But that all changed when an anomaly opened in there class room and Murtagh, hansom and ever, jumped out and pulled them back through to his home world, Alegasia. after book 3 in 2 POV's.
 * Actually Megan and Caitlain don't go to Alegasia until chapter ten, when they just turn up. Plus there are about four humans in the entire story: Evie, Galbatorix, Eragon and Murtagh. Connor, Abby and Becker are also randomly in Alegasia, but none of them are human. At one point it swaps from third to first person halfway through a sentence.
 * Smells of Rose - M rated - Harry Potter x Labyrinth Claimed by EileenAlphabet September 14, 2012
 * Summary: Jareth whats Sarah and Tom jr whats Hermione but well the girls what them read and find out S/J and T/H
 * Noboby in this can touch canon with a twenty feet pole. Also, the grammar and spelling in this needs to be taken outside and shot.


 * "Zombieland" - T rated - Zombieland x Yu-Gi-Oh. Claimed by ShatteredSanity.
 * college students Bakura and Ryou have survived the plague that has turned mankind into flesh-devouring zombies little do they know their two friends have survived and together they are about to live or die in their country as they fight off u.s. zombies.
 * The actual fic is just as bad as the summery.

Avatar: The Last Airbender

 * "Kiaya's Journey" - T rated. Claimed by Karen Elaine DuLay.
 * Its The whole Avatar story, but with a new character from the start. Kiaya. Shes a firebender and traitor to her Nation, and she seeks Aang for help. Its from her POV, and you can see through her eyes the story of the Avatar. SokkaxOC ...Kiaya teehee- R&R

Death Note

 * "Light And Dark The Adventures Of Dark Yagami" - T rated. Claimed by AnnaBee.
 * Summary: Light's twin brother Dark moves in with them! What secrets does he have? Has cusses and Sayu/Misa. EDIT: His other sister Night Yagami will come as well! Find her secrets too!
 * No plot. No grammar. A Stu I want to MURDER, and criminal character derailment of Light Yagami. Also, really eye-bleeding lesbian sex. With a mop.

Hetalia

 * "All of Freedoms Horses" - K Rated. Claimed by Opinioned Angel.
 * "why did papa want me" little liberty looked up"because your something worth fighting for" parental usuk and grandpa england/oc...my oc is liberty


 * "Brothers of Asia" - T rated. Claimed by Kitty's Muse 7/11/11.
 * All the countries have gathered in Hong Kong for a UN summit, but once they all leave little do they know that in the shadows new enemies move to destroy the world we know starting with asia. Ch. 1 altered
 * Originally "Brothers of Aisa." The OOCness of the canons and ridiculousness of the entire story is tremendous. Several of the chapters consist mostly of horribly drawn out fight scenes.


 * "Everything i ask for" - T rated. Claimed by Kitty's Muse 6/28/11.
 * Denmark and Norway are living in a fairytale life, all Denmark wants is for Norway to put on that ring. Their relasionship is put to the test when Norway reveals a shocking secret that will change thier lives forever. MPreg warning!
 * It only took the first two chapters to show that Norway was completely OOC. Every other character is also out of character, and I actually banged my head against my desk/wall while reading this due to sheer stupidity. Safe for Work, but your head/brain may ache afterwards, especially if you know and/or like this continuum.


 * "Jamaca in da hood!" - T rated. Claimed by Ru Tsuna (pending Permission) 10/26/2011.
 * Jamaca and America are black ghettos and hete stupid whities like englan!
 * Terribly offensive and racist,and that's putting it in the lightest way possible. I couldn't even make it to the second chapter without getting a really bad headache and almost going insane. Its similarity to My Immortal is incredibly daunting. Proceeding with utmost caution is strongly advised.


 * "Raven Feathers and Sad Melodies" - T rated. Claimed by TheMadHatteress (pending Permission) 7/1/2012.
 * Nicole was just an average teenager, if you count a sad, lonely life as average. All because of a wish, a haunted house and a music box she's an anime character surrounded by wierdos who think they're countries! First story! Ocxvarious

Naruto

 * "SexyNoJutsu Gone Wrong." Claimed by Myrtle Tamlane, pending permission.
 * What if the guys (Gaara, Naruto, Kankurno, Sasuke, Neji, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Lee) try the sexy-no-jutsu but there is one problem they can't turn back! Only Kakashi and Tsunade know so what happens when they are given tour guides for their stay. Or that's the story until a cure is found. Pairings: GaaSaku NaruHina KanIno NejiTen ShikaTem
 * 27 chapters, including three that are only author's notes and one titled "HaHa This Chapter Is Nameless". Bad characterization, a thin excuse for gender swapping (they have Lee doing the jutsu! The one character who can't do anything that requires chakra use!), an implausible plot (I doubt any of the characters besides Naruto would ever use that jutsu), painful grammar and spelling. For god's sake, bring all the Bleeprin you can get your hands on; there's recaps at the beginning of every chapter, and a lot of it is rapid-paced conversation with frequent scene-changes.
 * You know what boggles my mind about this fic? It got 320 reviews on the Pit. The vast majority are positive; not even concrit, just "ur such a good writter and i love ur stories please update soon! :)" and the like. Not NSFB by any means, but frustratingly, stupidly, facepalmingly bad to such an extent that it's occasionally funny.

Neon Genesis Evangelion

 * "Ikari Unleashed" - T rated. Claimed by Ugolino.
 * Im back from the dead witth an ooc charecter Shinji as well. What will happen with a adamantium spined Shinji!
 * As depressingly bad as you'd expect from the summary. The OOC isn't limited to Shinji, and the way OOC! Shinji acts is almost as appalling as the fact the author clearly intends for him to be a sympathetic protagonist.

One Piece

 * "Hey Blondie" - T rated. Claimed by OrangeDream.
 * Sue is a musician that joins the Straw Hats, effectively eliminating Brook from the story. Entire crew is OOC, Usopp misses an opportunity to claim that he is the captain, everyone wants a musician instead of it just being Luffy's running gag. Story feels all around half-assed. That's not even the first half of the story. Further charges pending.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

 * "The Changes of Fate" - T rated. Claimed by Karrin Blue on May 21, 2012.
 * This is the prelude to The Puella Magi of Middle Earth and the alternate ending to episode 12 of Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Soul Eater

 * "keep you safe!" - T rated. Claimed by Kitty's Muse 8/25/11.
 * after an attack set on maka Death the kid and mabelle help her back up!
 * Great. It's only a chapter long so far (and short at that) and Soul, at least, already seems to be insanely OOC. Not to mention that apparently Soul and Maka are engaged and so is Kidd and an OC. Claimed in anticipation of much more sporkable material.

Yu-Gi-Oh!

 * "Beyond the Void" - T rated. Claimed by ReginaTheNinja.
 * The power of spaghetti. Great enough to create a cross-dimensional portal? Apparently it is. And so we follow the travels of two teenage girls, thrown into a world of magic, shadows, and children's card games...
 * The summary makes it sound a lot more sane than it really is.


 * "If Seto Kaiba Had A Sister" - T rated. Claimed by Opinioned Angel.
 * Yugioh. An excellent, but male dominated show. What it needs, is a super kick-butt chick in there to spruce things up; and that is exactly what I've done.
 * ...Yeah, there are no words for this.


 * "The YuGiOh Project" - T rated. claimed by ShatteredSanity
 * I kidnap the whole Yu-Gi-Oh cast and hold them hostage at my house for a month. Chaos, hilarity, and OOCness will ensue! #1 in my 'Project' series.
 * Tip: If you want people to read your stuff, don't tell them there's going to be OOCness. The kidnapper is an author insert with a "magic book" that lets her do anything. There are pointless cameos, OCs made by the author insert, and contrivancies all around.

Batman

 * "Come Undone." Claimed by Meta.
 * Oh God ok guys.. this is my first try at a joker fan fiction... ugh..well you know what might happen the usual joker stuff lol..lets get this straight. im a hardcore joker fan. i don't like twoface, penguin, riddler, poison ivy, catwoman, clayface..Mr. Freeze or other villians...well i do like scarecrowman/Dr.Crane. But I will still bring them in some. eh so here we go. ill start with the character bio. i've worked on this for a while so if you don't like it fuck you and deal w/ it!
 * Just plain and simple Melons.

Scott Pilgrim

 * "The best fanfic ever I swear you want be disapoint" - M rated. Claimed by Opinioned Angel.
 * Scottie Pilgrim has got it goin' on...Scott x Wallace WARNING IT HAS YAOI IN IT BUT IT'S TOTALY WORTH IT.
 * what is this i don't even...

Garfield

 * "The Adventures of Garfield and Rapunzel" - K rated. Claimed by FourthWallPainter (pending Permission).
 * A pretty Siamese cat sneaks into Garfield's house to steal food. When he catches her at it, she convinces him to accompany her on her quest to right the injustices of the world.

Nolanverse
rating: PG-13 for yaoi, a small sex scene (no details), swearing and lots more stuff to come in the future (you'll find out why it's called an unexpected miracle) parings: JokerCrane and little hints of RiddlerxTwo-face
 * "An Unexpected Miracle" - M rated. Claimed by Caddy-shack.
 * This is based off of my other fan fic SxJ getting to know you. its about how jonathan crane and the joker ended up in the same prison cell at arkham together and ended with them kissing this storys about how 5 months after they broke out and "showing" there feelings for each other.The story is told from Jonathans POV (just so you know on case you get confused )
 * As you can see, this is disquieting to start off with, and only goes down the insanity slope from there. NSFW, NSFB, Contains MPREG among other things if you want a little more specific detail. Since it is on Devient Art, the second chapter can be found here and the third here.

Indiana Jones

 * "Indiana Jones and the Kid's missing Dad" - Rated K+. Claimed by User:Antigone68104.
 * This is my first IJ story. It has the character Caz that I have written in my other stories.- Caz needing Indiana's help to find her dad. Who had been taking by the German's and has been missing for four years. Now it's up to the two of them to save him.
 * I'm still trying to figure out what time period this is supposed to be set in -- Indy's acting like his 1940's self, but the author's used this OC in some modern-day TV show fics.

Rio

 * "SCOTT KNOWS BREAST" - T rated. Claimed by Techno-dann.
 * What if the characters of Rio were more anthropomorphic and lived alongside humans? Well, you'd get something like this. Join Kaiser Scott, Jewel and company as they experience the good life in Asswood. Or lack thereof.
 * This bills itself as a parody, but in this it absolutely fails because it's not funny. Also, it's less a parody and more a hate piece that rails against furries. But the worst sin is that it rails against DeviantArt and FurAffinity users who did absolutely nothing wrong, and yet who all get the worst and most hateful caricatures possible in the story before being killed in incredibly cruel ways.

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

 * "Snapped" - M rated (Please note this story is on AFF) NSFW/NSFB. Claimed by Miah 06/15/11.
 * When Watson decides to marry again, Holmes looses it. And finds a way to keep his doctor from leaving. OOC, M/M, Anal, Oral, Abuse


 * "Welcome to the Future" - T rated. Claimed by Miah 06/15/11.
 * Sherlock Holmes and Watson literally fall into Mine and Lydia's lives.How will they cope with the new world? follow us as we attempt to stop Holmes insulting people or getting himself killed and Watson tagging along. Holmes/OC Watson/OC

The Sound of Music

 * "The Sound of Music" - K rated, but should probably be closer to T. Claimed by doctorlit July 9, 2012.
 * Terror in Salzburg
 * Trollfic by Hans von Hozel containing character death.

Spirited Away

 * "Spirited away 2: Kohaku's Rescue" - M rated, but never actually gets.. M-y. Claimed by Something Blue (permission pending).
 * 6 years have passed since Chihiro has been to the spirit world, but with her new boyfriend she has forgotten all about her childhood love, until her best friend Rini reminds her, but Rini might be the only one to go save him from Yubaba this time. HakuXOC
 * It's in second person, which is annoying, and Rini spews fangirl Japanese for the two chapters she exists. She gets into the spirit world with no problem, Haku is OOC, and... just bleh. ~Something Blue

Star Wars

 * "gift of a friend" - K+ rated. Claimed by Elemarth.
 * anakins been getting horible headaches and has been hearing voices. is he going crazy or is it deeper than this much better than it sounds i suck at summaries


 * "Once Upon A Star" - M rated. Claimed by Elemarth.
 * What if Star Wars didn't take place in a Galaxy far far away? What if it was on one world filled with mythical creatures and magic? What would the story be like? Read on to find out. Rated M to be safe.

Tangled

 * "Men of Constant Sorrow" - M rated. NSFW/NSFB Claimed by Miah 10-12-11.
 * Flynn and Eugene hate one another.
 * And then they 'love' one another--in the worst possible sense of the word. How? Just. How?

Abhorsen

 * "When Magic Collides" - T rated. Claimed by the Irish Samurai (Permission pending).
 * Unexplained deaths in ancliestere. Unrest in the kingdom. Trouble is bewing. Sorry not very good at summarys. Please R&R. Im back!
 * Trouble is 'bewing' indeed. Featuring an unknown number of Stus (a lack of names and even descriptions is currently hampering my investigation), multiple character replacements due to name changes, numerous SPaG offences, and I'm sure there'll be a few minis along the way.

The Dark is Rising Sequence

 * "The Family reads the Dark is rising" - T rated. Claimed by Lleu.
 * What if one day, a book appeared, with a note telling you and your family to read it. What if it told the story of one of your brothers, with secrets no one knew. Well, the Stanton family is just going to have to read to find out.
 * Takes a potentially interesting premise, at least theoretically interesting — not to my taste, but — and ruins it.

Discworld

 * "Girl's dresses" - M rated. Claimed by Chatvert.
 * What would of happened between Susan and Teatime if Banjo hadn't been there to stop him from pulling girl's hair. Warming, it had a mature rating for a reason there is also a clean edit on my page
 * Considering that Susan x Teatime is one of my pet crack pairings, I am especially offended when I see a bad one. So...here I go!

Inheritance Cycle

 * "Brotherly Love" - M rated, NSFW. Claimed by Myrtle Tamlane, pending permission.
 * set in brisingr before eragon and roran rescue katrina. yaoi. the cousins are showing off their battle wounds/scars...can you see where this is going? yaoi, cousinslash
 * Leaving aside the fact that Eragon is (ostensibly) after Arya and Roran and Katrina are en route to marriage, the thing that kills this is when Roran thinks of Eragon, "He looked like a little Japanese porn star, and undeniably, rapably sexy".
 * I don't particularly like this series anymore, but this fic is really, really bad. Not even Canon Stus like Eragon should have this horror inflicted on them.

Harry Potter

 * "The Adventure of Harry and Rose Potter" - Rated T. Claimed by Caddy-shack and DML.
 * What if Harry wasn't an only child? What if he had a twin sister named Rose Lilian Potter? This is her story. Born on August 1, she was sent into hiding and went to live with James' sister Jenny who then fled to America to flee from Voldy. re-written
 * Caddy's Note: OCs interposing themselves into key positions, the sue being his long lost twin sister, you'd almost think they were intelligent and planning this...


 * "Becoming Female" - T rated. Claimed by Caddy-shack.
 * Who will Harry end up with after turning into a girl!* femHarry/Draco Ron AND Pansy bashing Make sure to write lots of reviews for me!
 * Extreme OOCness in everyone, multiple character bashing, extreme stupidity (both in the fic and the characters). Harry is turned into a girl (a Mary Sue described girl no less) by being forced to drink a potion by Snape, or face the wrath of a single point loss from Gryffindor... I could not make this up if I tried. Expect multiple exorcisms or an outright slaughter of a mass of replacements. As a side note, CADs will most likely explode within the first chapter, (not that they will be needed to spot it in this).
 * This... this is what happens when a either a troll has grammar without numbers, but still writes a story of complete and utter nonsense. Either that, or this author badly needs to read the books.


 * "The Dark Heir of Lord Voldemort" - T rated. Claimed by FourthWallPainter
 * Kaitlin Serene Potter doesn't exist, at least that's what Lily and James Potter say. On Halloween though, a certain man takes her in and raises her. She soon gets discovered by James Potter. What will she do?
 * Ugh. Harry has a sister, who Lily and James abuse, and who gets taken in by Voldemort, who OF COURSE is a perfect, loving father.


 * "The Diamond Tears of the Black Court" - Rated T. Claimed by DML May 10, 2011.
 * Aira had been told shes a witch,shes okay with that.But with Dumbledores unusual behaviour towards her and the forbidden forest calling her,shes having doubts to whether she is what they say she is,her magicks different to the others, then theres them...
 * Filled with extremely pretentious and meaningless purple prose and centers around a completely unbelievable jerkass protagonist who gets everything handed to her by divine will of her author.
 * This has been nominated for Bad Movie Night at Tangodown!. Contact DML if you want in. Currently in design freeze.


 * "Green Eyes" - T rated. Claimed by Neshomeh, July 8, 2012.
 * Read and you will find out, love story.Harry and the other characters will be mentioned.Mainly about Cedric.for people who like Robert Pattinson and his characters in all his movie. T to be safe might be an M later on. Reviews would be great. C&OC Thanku! (Summary)
 * Hey guys…umm Twilighter1006 here…Here's my first story. . . . I made for people who mainly like Robert Pattinson and all his characters in movies; I have made the girls name up...Only because I don't want to sound to obsessive with Robert, so I used a different name to mine own name. (From author's note)
 * Ahem. That's MY name you chose. I don't think I like seeing it used this way. I might have to put in an appearance as myself. Maybe Elanor Laison will want to help, too... ~Neshomeh 20:09, March 29, 2010 (UTC)


 * "Harry Potter and the Gift of the Basilisk" - K+ rated. Claimed by Caddy-shack and DML.
 * Starts in the Chamber of Secrets! I mean that in a literal sense. Harry Looks at the basilisk and something unexpected happens. From then on his life is changed. Will it be for the better or worse?
 * Caddy's note: The Basilisk turns Harry into one as well... He then of course turns Ginny into one too.


 * "HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" - M rated. Claimed by doctorlit July 9, 2012.
 * Summary: Harry Potter eventually eats a sandwich and discusses life with a famous author.
 * Trollfic, NSFW, NSFB.
 * Laburnum has laid claim to the fake Pokémon from chapter seven.


 * "It's only a song" - K+ rated. Claimed by Tomash.
 * What happens when a new girl arrives during Harry's sixth year? What will happen when she gets involved in the lives of others? Will she ruin the Trio's friendship? Or make it stronger?


 * "Ival Pythonica" - M rated. Claimed by Pieguy.
 * A deadly curse is placed on Megan Malfoy forcing her into sex with Snape and Lupin every day for seven days to save her life. What happens when a man who loves her must share her with one of his longest standing enemies? OFC, F/M, WIP.
 * It's as if the author went down a checklist of Suvian traits...


 * "The Last War" - M rated. Claimned by Opinioned Angel.
 * Harry and Hermione soon find themselves wondering what they ever saw in the Weasleys. But will they finally recognize their love for one another? And what devastating consequences will happen when they do? H/Hr Don't like it? DON'T READ IT.


 * "The Real Us" - M rated. Claimed by Gandalf the Beige (and his agent, Portia McSweney) July 18, 2011.
 * Everyone "knows" what happened during Harry's seven years at Hogwarts... right? Er... no. Find out the truth about Harry and Hermione. H/Hr Rating for language and mild sexual situations.
 * Note: Severe godmoding, even more severely underage intimate relations and off-the-scale Weasley-Bashing make this fic painful to read, even for this mildly militant Harmonian agent. However, there are aspects that may be salvageable...


 * "Rose's Visit" - M rated. Claimed by TheCatfishCaper (Permission pending).
 * Rose Weasley pays Harry and Hermione an unusual and unexpected visit. a visit that could change their lives. Rated M for language. read a little of the kind of stuff that pops up in my head occasionally. H/Hr
 * The Ron-bashing I can almost understand since it happens so much, but Snape? Molly? That's just silly. And punishable.


 * "Someone To Love Me" - M rated. Claimed by Ellipsis Flood.
 * Harry’s twin is chosen as the Boy-Who-Lived and since that night, life’s loveless for him. How very cliché, but one that I like. SLASH. CD/DM/TR/HP Abuse,Neglect and Potter, Weasel bashing. Dont like Dont read. A Vamp!Fic. You have been forewarned.
 * THE WRONGNESS OH THE MASSIVE WRONGNESS! *sob*


 * "Subjugation" - NC-17 rated. Legendary Badfic! NSFB! Claimed by Neshomeh and Tungsten Monk July 8, 2012, until the end of time, if need be.
 * SUMMARY: Severus Snape accuses Albus Dumbledore of rape. Dumbledore claims that it is all a misunderstanding. Who is believed, the Savior or the Turncoat?
 * WARNINGS: AU, Very Dark Fic Chapters may contain any of the following - M/M Slash, M/F Slash, Mpreg, M/M Rape, Graphic Violence, Child Sexual Abuse (Non-graphic), Incest, Bondage, Implied Bestiality, Character Death, Cross Dressing, Foul Language.
 * Note: The fic seems to have recently vanished from the internet, but since Neshomeh has a copy (much to her revulsion), the mission will go forward, when all has been prepared. There are honor, pride, sanity, and canon at stake here. For great justice!

Lord of the Rings

 * "The Adventure Begins - K+ rated. Claimed by Neshomeh, March 24, 2011.
 * Aragorn has a daughter, and she wished to join the Dunedain. She gets her wish, but unfortunate events separate them during a time of great mystery and confusion. Used to be "The Life of a Ranger's Daughter"
 * Also claiming its sequel:
 * "With one Step" - K+ rated.
 * Vanya is back, but this time she is not alone. A mysterious stone was given her from Lady Galadriel, which turned out to be a Dragon's egg. Now, an old threat is on the rise. Vanya and her father must help the ring bearer, Frodo, destroy the one ring.


 * "Aragorn and the angeli" - T rated. Claimed by CDHammer.
 * A new species is in middle earth, how will she change the fellowship and can she put aside her haunting past?
 * Last survivor of a Magical Sue Race, she vaporizes a Nazgul at Weathertop and joins the Fellowship. She also has Arwen look on Aragorn as a little brother who's an "absolute pain" (direct quote) in order to free Aragorn up.
 * Story had been deleted from FF.Net as of 2:30pm (AEST), 18/11/2011 - CDHammer


 * "Be Careful What You Wish For" - T rated. Claimed by Sedri, July 15, 2011.
 * Maria Valdez has always wanted a life full of adventure, away from her mother who expects way too much of her. What happens when she lands in Middle Earth and gets the life she's always wanted? Will she love it or grow to resent it?


 * "In Darkness Light Prevails" - Rated T. Claimed by EileenAlphabet.
 * 10th walker, when a mysterious woman from the past shows up in the shire to help Frodo Baggins, little did he know the story and power behind the woman. Legolas/OC Aragorn/Arwen
 * Tawaki's comment: "Nine shall be the number of the couting, and the number of the counting shall be nine. Ten shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count to eight (excepting of course that thou proceedest to nine). Eleven is right out."


 * "My Lady Dunedain"
 * Whole set claimed by Antigone68104, now that it's complete.
 * "My Lady Dunedain: The Fellowship of the Ring" - K+ rated.
 * The Watcher has always been on her own, doing whatever she wanted to, fighting, killing, but when Gandalf asks her a favor she becomes apart of the Fellowship and falls in love in the process. But will she survive long enough to realize it? Aragorn/OC.
 * Tenth Walker Warrior!Sue in the movieverse. Misogynist!Boromir can't decide if he's falling due to the power of the Ring or lust for the Sue.
 * "My Lady Dunedain: The Two Towers" - K+ rated.
 * What will the future bring for our fragment of the Fellowship as they enter Rohan? What does Altrasea encounter as they enter the halls of Edoras? But more importantly, will our favorite lady Dunedain survive the coming battles?
 * Yep, the Sue's real name is Altrasea.
 * "My Lady Dunedain: The Return of the King" - T rated.
 * What will the future bring for the Fellowship as the battle to end the War of the Ring draws near? What happens when love is used against a king and the lady has no way of stopping it? Will Aragorn and Altrasea survive, or will Altrasea be left behind?


 * "The Silent Girl" - T rated. Claimed by Rosie Azrael.
 * At the wish of Elrond, a 10th walker joins the Fellowship. Her name is Nikita Siikavirta, and she never speaks, but communicates by writing short messages on cards. Her past is a mystery, and what diffrence will she make? Can she even be thrusted?
 * Azrael comments: "Thrusted. Keh keh keh. Off a cliff, perhaps..."


 * "Since When" - rated T for Tremendous and Terrifying. Claimed by Sonnen, 13th May 2011.
 * Two girls get a not so pleasant surprise one night. Try finding characters from your favorite movie in you living room. Now these two have to find a way to cope with an Elf, four hobbits, a dwarf, and a king that know nothing about LA. Suck at summaries!
 * Summaries and stories too, my darling.


 * "Trees and Orcses, Precious" - T rated. Claimed by dramaticsoprano, pending permission.
 * IT HAS BEEN RAISED FROM THE DEAD! Yeah, so it was originally script, and I reformatted it. Gollum and Treebeard fall in love. Yes, I know I'm strange.


 * "Wait THIS is Lord of The Rings?" - K+ rated. Claimed by Caddy-shack.
 * Four girls,from Quebec Canada, all haunted by something, are thrown into the lovely land of Middle-Earth, to find quite an unexpected turn of events! After much abuse of some people, they get to go along with the Fellowship. Will epic stuff happen? YEAH!
 * Four extra walkers, glomping of love interests, and much "this is what's about to happen." Also a truly incredible amount of World One gear and snack food, considering the girls were in their pajamas before being brought to Middle-earth. Some assassin is going to love the full-sized chainsaw that fits in a pocket.

Mercedes Lackey

 * "Shadow of Beginning" - T rated. Claimed by Somariel, pending permission.
 * His birth was a foreshadowing of evil to come. The black Companion and his white haired Chosen whose powers are beyond belief. Two young lives twisted by a cruel fate that threatens them and everyone they love.
 * There's so much wrong with the basic concept of this fic that I don't even know where to start. I mean, a black Companion?!


 * "A Matter of Choice" - T rated. Claimed by Somariel, pending permission.
 * These two Hearlds and their Companions were unusual, and that's saying something for every Hearld of Valedmar and their Companion are unique. If they were one of a kind then their child could only be... well read and find out!


 * "Demonic Heralds" - T rated. Claimed by Somariel, pending permission.
 * It was just another day in the great demon kingdom when two white horses showed up and turned the lives of 2 half-breeds upside down. Heralds/Kyo kara Maou x over. rating will go up in later chapers. Conrad/Yozak full summery inside.

Redwall

 * "I love you, Cluny!" - M rated. Claimed by L'Homme Arbre.
 * Fanfic about love of my character Ratty and Cluny the Scourge
 * This would be bad enough if it was coherent. As it is, it's been Babelfished from Russian, thus rendering it horrifying.

Sherlock Holmes

 * "Walk though the fire" - T rated. Claimed by doctorlit July 9, 2012.
 * Summary: What can i say? A teenage girl falls liturally into Sherlock Holmes's bed. Much tot eh confusion of the other inhabitants of 221b baker street. Mgiht be MS dont no yet. Very funny.
 * Songfic.

Tamora Pierce

 * "Fallen Leaves on the Ground" - T rated. Claimed by GoblinGirl.
 * Thom of Trebond's daughter wanted nothing more than to blend in, another autumn leaf on the ground. The world simply won't let her forget who she is, and who she's destined to become. Chapter Seven.
 * Note: This isn't marked as an AU, so evidently the author didn't read the books thoroughly and realize that Thom would never marry a noblewoman and have a superspeshul Sue for a daughter. Plus, said daughter would not have been romantically involved with boys four years older than her when she herself was only a ten-year-old. Lack of Logic = Suefic.

Watership Down

 * "The Great Journey" - K+ rated. Claimed by Astral Void on 3/9/11.
 * a bachelors life is never easy so when a band of bucks decided to leave their warren what dangers and challenges will they face on their journey to make a home for themselves.

Wicked

 * "Should Have" - T rated. Claimed by Opinioned Angel.
 * Just an ending I put in for school, but I would like to share because I added some extra gore that I did not have my teacher read. Enjoy, how the book should have ended.
 * This is a bad fic. How bad? It made TVTrope's "So Bad it's Horrible List". That should say everything.

Young Wizards

 * "Juniour Wizardry" - K+ rated. Claimed by Elemarth.
 * A new Wizard is placed on ordeal while three variations of the Lone Power start attacking Earth. Alanna wust use her eight year old magic to save the universe and many other universes.


 * "Spark" - K+ rated. Claimed by Elemarth.
 * Completely revised edition of my older fic by the same name.It has been so long since the Lone One has had anything good in his existence. His spark of life comes in the form of... Nita Callahan?
 * I know it's a reposted revised version and it's not too terrible, but I still have too much of an issue with the Lone Power being thoroughly and stupidly in love with anyone, let alone Nita. Plus, the difficulty of an agent dealing with this one makes me want to do it.

Burn Notice

 * "Burn Notice: Season 8" - T rated. Claimed by Miah 01/18/12.
 * FIXED SPELLING MISTAKES. Michael attempts to get Fiona pregnant while doing his client cases and dealing with a madman. REVIEWS R NEEDED. I SWEAR UR ALL PISSING ME OFF

Doctor Who/Torchwood

 * "How the Doctor Changed My Life." Claimed by TheScribe (Permission Pending).
 * You sat down on your sofa after yet another long day at work, ready to watch the newest episode of Doctor Who ' The Eleventh Hour ' when your TV begins to glow ... READ IF YOU'VE EVER DREAMT OF TRAVELLING WITH THE DOCTOR!
 * It's in second person. It's a Suefic. Half the words are spelled wrong. She gets canon events totally wrong. All the authors notes are in ALL CAPS. I could keep going all day.

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

 * "Cheerilee's Garden" - Unrated, but very dark, seems to be an M 'at least. Definitely not brainsafe. Claimed by Rainbow Sanity (Pending permission).
 * When Cheerilee gets assigned to a new class of problematic students, she slowly slips into a depression. She finally finds a way to cope, one her students probably wouldn't like... All of this is somehow linked to the children's new school play, but how? Will they find out in time for it to make a difference, or are they all doomed from the outset? And if they are, will Cheerilee herself get away unscathed, or will she share their fate? Only one way to find out...
 * Cheerilee murders many of her students horribly.
 * "Filling the Gap" - M rated. Claimed by Fish Custard.
 * Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Tomas all have certain holes in their heart that need to be filled, but when tomas intervines in ponyville, could it be the third character required to fill the gaps? Rainbow x Human, M for sex later.
 * "High School, dose it ever end?" - K+ rated. Claimed by ThArcanist (Permission Pending).
 * You would never guess till the day shining started his new school he would be at home learning. Many things happen along the way ... you will have to read to find out. who knows shining may be intrested in one other thing than becoming captin of the royal gaurd.
 * "Rainbow Factory" - Im'ma say M-rated. Claimed by KittyNoodles (Pending Permission)
 * Rainbow Dash runs the rainbow factory, where foals who can't fly well are killed and turned into rainbows. Author calls it "gluefic".
 * Intelligence Report.

NCIS

 * "Blood on the Cross" - T rated. Claimed by Miah 01/24/12.
 * After Kate's death a child is left without a mother, with the help of her family she begins to heal... but what happens when she discovers that she is not an only child.

Psych

 * "Like Father Like Daughter" - T rated. Claimed by Miah 6/15/11.
 * Hello! this is my first Psych fic ever! so plz give it a try! What happens when you throw in the Psych mix...Shawns daughter? Yes!our beloved psychic has a kid and she is as smartass as herfather but she has a secret! I can feeel that you want to read it

The Real Ghostbusters

 * "Hot Night in NYC" - Rated Adult++, very NSFW. Claimed by Data Junkie.
 * Janine is rather horny and enlists the help of a... special prostitute. COMPLETE, F/F, F/D, Oneshot
 * Oh dear god, where do I begin? There are just so many things wrong with this story, starting with the fact that it's not even in the right category. Despite the story being about characters from, and taking place in the world of, the Real Ghostbusters cartoon, it managed to end up submitted under the Filmation Ghostbusters cartoon, which was not actually part of the Ghostbusters franchise.

Sanctuary

 * "What's in a name Roses wine and pain" - M rated. NSFW. Claimed by Pretzel 6/15/11.
 * John Druitt/Nikola Tesla SLASH, dubcon, angst, VERY DARK Everyone knows that true power is given, not taken.

The Simpsons

 * "Lisa is Pregnant" - T rated. Claimed by Opinioned Angel.
 * Bart and Lisa are freezing on the mountains. With death staring at them in the face, Bart proposes a last resort. Later, Lisa awakens to find out Bart is dead and she is a mother!
 * What... just... WHAT.

Stargate SG-1/Atlantis

 * "Love is a form of Insanity" - M rated, NSFW/NSFB. Claimed by Silverwind (Pending Permission).
 * A John Shepard Wraith Queen fic that spits in the eye of all logic and reason.


 * "The Genius and the SO." Claimed by Caddy-Shack.
 * Sheppard/McKay AU John never had a family. He was military, raised from birth knowing what his future held. He was destined protect and sleep with some genius scientist for his country. What he never expected was to love and be loved. SLASH
 * The world is changed into a tolatarian state, child soldiers, 95% of the population is forcefully sterilized, and forced breeding programs. The characters are thrown for a nice, large twist.

Supernatural

 * "The Path Unwinding" and its sequel "The Path Unwinding part 2: Winchester Legacy" - T & K rated. Claimed by Sonnen (Permission pending).
 * Dean and Sam pick up a new member on their team in the battle for the world. Will she be a help or a hindrance?Set Season 3/4,Dean has a year left, and he wants it to count.First Supernatural fic - Don't own anything! Let me know what you think!

Thomas the Tank Engine

 * "How Gordon met Rebecca" Claimed by Guvnor of Space, 8/26/12
 * Gordon pulls into Knapford station and he meets a girl called Rebecca, Gordon decides to let her go with him and Gordon and Rebecca become good friends. I'm using my own version of the charavters not the CGI characters

Thundercats

 * "Song of the Twins." Claimed by Meta.
 * Lion-O's long lost twin sister 'Lioness-A' shows up and helps in the creation of a multitude of Mini Snarfs, including ThunDera, New ThunDera and Claud-Us. That's just chapter one of this ten chapter beast.

Fallout

 * "weird day at the strip" - T rated. Claimed by ShatteredSanity.
 * an unintelegent courier, a dress obsessed scribe, and a robot that can only speak in internet quotes search for a treacherous casino owner in a swivel chair... yep its weird
 * You can have a weird story WITHOUT it being bad.


 * "Benny Sort Of Falls In Love" - T rated. Claimed by ShatteredSanity.
 * A story that my sister made me make up. It was supposed to be about Benny falling in love, but then it got off topic, and turned into a... I don't even know.
 * When the AUTHOR doesn't know what's going on, it's a bad sign.


 * "Fallout: The New Beginning" - M rated. Claimed by ShatteredSanity.
 * The Courier helped the NCR to defeat the Legion, now a new enemy comes and an old friend returns. To defeat all that opposes them,take over Vegas and take over the Mojave Wasteland for "the greater good" Yeah right!
 * I didn't add that "Yeah right". It's in the summery. As for the fic itself, it seems redeemable. The SPaG is decent, but the plot is stupid and implausible and the companions are OOC.

Final Fantasy

 * "Cloud Mows the Lawn" - X rated, NSFW, NSFB. Claimed by SolusLunes (pending Permission) 5/5/2011.
 * Cloud mows the lawn while Tifa watches. She is so engrossed that she craps on the floor while watching him. He comes back in and they promptly discover that they both get turned on by poop. Guess what happens next...
 * Aerith comes back from the dead just to engage in the scat play. I have no words for this.
 * I can see this taking a full character replacement massacre. Oh happy day.

Halo

 * "Story of My Life" - T rated. Claimed by Maslab.
 * The name is Annabelle Lucas. I am the first daughter of the United States of America and my dad mysteriously dies. He signed a treaty with the aliens that just tried to kill the human race. Theres a bunch of rumors going around and I keep access my dad's documents because it's classified whats a girl to do?

Kingdom Hearts

 * ​"Start Game" - T rated. Claimed by Stargazing Sketcher (pending Permission)
 * An OC fangirl and Ventus switch bodies. No, seriously. Characters are derailed,Canon is broken,and the fangirl gets her own keyblade. Also, the whole thing seems to be pretty much a retelling of Birth By Sleep.

Legend of Zelda

 * "Bloody Tears" - K+ rated. Claimed by Ray Chell, August 10, 2011.
 * Link has gotten himself into a bit of trouble so what do the Goddesses of Hyrule do they call on the one with Bloody Tears who is a stranger to their world and has no idea who the hero of time is Not OCxLink Will Be Confusing Mostly Experimental


 * "My Inner Life" (Link goes to a "shrine" to the author made by "fans" when original story was removed) - M rated (NSFW). Claimed by Caddy-Shack.
 * This is what happens when a fangirl starts to think that her lucid dreams about Link are actually a real second life that she lives. Complete with squicky bonding ceremony and total character derailment of every character who has ever interacted with Link. Did I mention that the writer truly believes that everything in the story has actually happened to her?
 * So, I read this recently, and found it endlessly hilarious. Like, seriously. The beginning rant is AMAZING material.

Pokémon

 * "Alex’s Contest Chronicles" - K rated. Claimed by The Warrior of Many Faces (pending permission).
 * This is a Journey Fan-Fiction about me, Alex and my way to be Top-Coordinator.
 * The Stu has an Eevee (which was supposed to be his friend’s, but imprinted on him, and the friend isn’t even mad. How utterly insane), and also catches a wild Chimchar. In Kanto. That’d be bad enough, but the Stuthor also appears to have missed the existence of quotation marks and paragraph divisions. Very kill-worthy.


 * "It is Wendi in Johto" - T rated. Claimed by The Warrior of Many Faces (pending permission).
 * Wendi is a rich snob and She going to become a pokemon trainer
 * While the Suethor says that the Sue will change into a more realistic character later, I have difficulty believing that, since she gets a Scyther about a day into her journey and finds a Ralts in Johto, which is slightly plausible since the Ralts’ trainer abandoned the Ralts, but still. Plus we find out about that through plothole. Additionally, bad grammar, punctuation issues, and generally bland storytelling. Will happily kill.

Resident Evil

 * "Resident Evil Stay Alive." Claimed by Advanced Licker (Permission pending) July 10th, 2011.
 * Stuck in a game, Rick and I have to survive and beat them all in order to get back out.We encounter all the cool characters, and try to keep a low profile.Although, I am a very out spoken person... dun dun DUUUUUUUN!Chp.78 up! Sorry for wait!
 * Okay, so this is so bad that I want to cry. Geography errors, nonsensical descriptions, OOC-ness, grammar issues, the timeline was murdered, loads of things are misplaced... It's still not done yet, but the Sue in it is really bad. I also really don't want the author to find out.

Silent Hill

 * "Broken Pieces" - M rated, NSFW, possibly NSFB. Claimed by Teddy Leach (Permission pending).
 * James Sunderland has been in silent hill for just a few weeks and he is already broken can a 7 year old blond girl pick up the pieces that was once James Sunderland? WARNING VERY VERY MILD RAPE OF JAMES/OC===


 * "Fatal Fascination" - M rated, NSFW. Claimed by Fish Custard.
 * Consumed by a psychotic mind & driven by Instinct, Pyramid Head knows nothing but suffering. But when a young girl escapes the church & crosses paths with the demon, he must fight for his sanity and what he has come to love more than the taste of blood...
 * Girl falls mutually in love with Pyramid Head, gives him a stupid name, what more do you need to know? It's just awful on so many levels.

Sonic the Hedgehog

 * "5 Years of Missing Clone" - K rated. Claimed by Opinioned Angel.
 * 5 Years ago, Amy was kidnapped and cloned. The clone was sent to kill Sonic and Shadow. Real Amy escaped, killed Eggman, became a warrior godling, theif, and assassin. Where does love fit in? IDK what pairing. MY guess, ShadamySon...For now. LOL!

Touhou

 * "From the Sky and Beyond" - T rated. Claimed by Firebird766.
 * A man was trying to live a normal life until Flandre Scarlet literally fell into his hands. At that point, his life ceased being normal as he was pulled into a conflict that threatens both his world and Gensokyo.

World of Warcraft

 * "The Island" - rated T. Claimed by Phobos 10/25/2011.
 * Deathwing, the Aspect of Death, and Alexstrasza, the Aspect of life, have been stranded on a mysterious island after a group of adventures attacked N'Zath during a conflict between the two. Now they must survive together, and survive the emotions the have
 * You heard that right, ladies and gentlemen. Two of the most powerful beings in the World (of Warcraft), an Old God, and geographical aberrations. How can one pair of agents hope to overcome all of that? Answer: they can't. This will be a multi-department operation.


 * "Tell Tale Heart." Claimed by ShatteredSanity.
 * Abandoned by his own people and left for dead at the Sunwell, Kael'thas' only hope lies in the form of a druid. But this druid is something else entirely. Romance and Hurt/Comfort. What's not to like?
 * How about a wussy Kael'thas being revived after his cannonical death, OOC characters, and a warped timeline? Not to mention a Mary Sue.

Magic: The Gathering

 * "Unrevealed Guild Wars" - T rated. Claimed by doctorlit July 9, 2012.
 * Summary: Savra, Queen of the Golgari guild tries to penetrate Szadek's facade. A new character, Zadiri, makes the war between the couple more complex and intriguing.


 * "The Realmswalker Epic" - T rated. Claimed by doctorlit July 9, 2012.
 * Summary: Planeswalkers, incredibly powerful beings, stronger than any others. Other than the Realmswalkers. A young Realmswalker gets into a LOT of trouble. T for insanity. And maybe blood/gore. Enjoy.
 * Good idea. Make a being more powerful than the ones Wizards of the Coast intentionally depowered due to how overpowered they were. Bravo.

Warhammer 40,000

 * "Ciaphas Cain in deep" - Rated well above NC-17. Claimed by nakkel.
 * The summary largely speaks for itself, being largely comprised of a laundry list of sex acts. Pointless, plotless porn that would be hilarious if it wasn't so badly written. Contains none of the humor or character of the original novels. NSFW, NSFB.