Fritz Sorgebrunnen

Fritz Sorgebrunnen is an agent in the Department of Floaters.

Backstory
Fritz is a History major (with a minor in English) from Eau Claire, Wisconsin. His parents originally lived in East Germany (though his mother was Swedish), and fled over the Wall and eventually to America towards the middle of the Cold War. He started out as a member of the civilian reporting force, disgusted as he was with the terrible quality of most online fanfiction. Following the Macrovirus Epidemic, someone made the decision to recruit him as a full-time agent, likely to help boost the ranks that had been depleted by the epidemic. Fritz had just barely put his affairs in order and been brought to HQ, however, when the Mary-Sue Invasion began. Unused to combat, he nearly lost a hand in the subsequent fracas.

Following a stint in Medical and his official Agent training, Fritz began work in the Department of Floaters, where he stayed due to never taking a preference for any one canon realm. Bad luck seemed to follow him, however, causing him to go through no fewer than three partners in the course of roughly a year's worth of work. His last partner, Agent Cab, was driven insane by a particularly bad case of circular logic, and had to be subdued when she attempted to commit fanwriter homicide.

Appearance
Fritz is 5'8" and weights 175 pounds, with dark blond hair worn short and blue eyes (belying his German-Scandinavian heritage). He is slightly overweight but quite physically capable. Even before coming to the PPC, 90% of his wardrobe was black, mostly for simplicity's sake rather than any other reason. His eyesight is slowly failing; it's not especially bad yet, but he has come to need glasses for reading.

Personality
Fritz is a worrier at heart, and something of a perfectionist; diagnosed with chronic anxiety, he can always find something to be nervous about, though he usually does his best to put on a good outward face. He is also an extremely hardline Grammar Nazi, taking violent and vicious offense to Sues who belabor his beloved English language-- especially with capitalization errors, which he considers the easiest to get right and thus the worst offense when gotten wrong.

Though Fritz is a second-generation German-American, his grasp of the language is sketchy at best and only tends to come out when he's irritated or panicked (as most of his vocabulary consists of curses and obscenities). The Universal Translators tend not to process these epithets, being aware as they are of comedic value. Fritz was raised Protestant Christian and is loosely religious, but has a tendency to take the Lord's name in vain.

That said, Fritz does enjoy his job enough to prefer it over leaving and the required neuralyzation, and is willing to make friends with people fairly fast if they're willing to reciprocate the gesture. His work may not be the best choice for him-- when on the job, he becomes significantly more aggressive, and prone to using varying doses of violence to solve problems. He may also be slightly psychotic-- according to his previous partners, he takes perhaps a little too much delight from his job of executing Sues, which clashes somewhat with his preferred fandoms and which may partially explain why he stays.

Other
Fritz's favorite weapon is an aluminium baseball bat, into which he has burned the signatures of multiple canon creators to allow it to be used as an exorcism tool as well as an effective bludgeoning instrument. These include most notably Gabe Newell, Michael DiMartino, Satoshi Tajiri, and (strangely, because almost nothing is known about him) Akiyoshi Hongo.

Past Partners
First Partner: Name unrecorded as of this time. Partnered with Fritz from April 2008 to July 2008 (also served as his training instructor). Exactly how he died is unclear, but it is known to have happened in the Half Life universe.

Second Partner: Agent Peterson. Partnered with Fritz for five months from late July 2008 to Christmas Eve, 2008. Rath Peterson was the crossover-spawned son of a gender-flipped Peter Pettigrew and Templeton the Rat from Charlotte's Web, who was evidently (at least in that crossover) an Animagus. He was crushed to death by Groudon while attempting an exorcism in a Pokemon fic.

Third Partner: Agent Cab. Partnered with Fritz from January 1st, 2009 to April 6th, 2009. Leanna "Cab" Copperhead was an agent from World 1 who joined the PPC shortly before Fritz did. She had better luck with her partners, winding up with Fritz not due to death but due to simple departmental reshuffling. Agent Cab was driven insane by a bad case of circular logic on April 5th, 2009, and had to be subdued by Fritz after she attempted to portal to a fanwriter's house with intent to commit homicide.

Back Issues
Issue One, Part One- Fritz's first mission with Silas, in which the grammar and punctuation are worse opponents than the Sue. Concluded in Part Two.

Issue Two- In which tempers flare and prose is purple, and our heroes tackle a Digiverse angst/romance songfic.

Issue Three, Part One- In which advice is given, canons are killed, and the target goes on and on and on... Concluded in Part Two.

Issue Four- In which time flies, ships shrink, and the story boldly goes nowhere.