The Mechanics

Tab A inserted into slot B, coupled with suitable manipulation of button C. Unless you're a dinosaur, in which case you lack not only button C but also a fully formed tab A (and your Slot B is in fact an orifice of an entirely different nature to that which badficcers are used to), and so should not be attempting anything that may later warrant inclusion on this page.

Many badficcers have precious little knowledge of The Mechanics. This leads to charges such as bad biology, dubious lube and squick.

When The Mechanics come up as mangled in a fic, it's usually the Department of Bad Slash that deals with them, although Sues are often caught having it off implausibly with canon characters such as Legolas, and in these cases the Department of Mary Sues will send in their Agents, who are usually extremely unhappy about this course of action.

Common problems with The Mechanics in badfic include:


 * Not There.
 * Dubious lube.
 * Assuming your characters are bendier than actual endoskeletal creatures have any call to be.
 * Exaggerating the prowess of one of the protagonists so that the other has an almost immediate orgasm with barely any foreplay.
 * Causing bodily fluids of an intimate nature to taste of things that they really don't taste of (for example: champagne and strawberries).
 * Making the first time of a character not be at all painful, and also making them know exactly what they are doing.
 * (For het couples:) Not using any form of contraception and yet not having them even worry about the possibility of a pregnancy.
 * Mpreg
 * Assuming your characters have a good bit more stamina than their species is known to have (harder to judge for species of which precious little is said in canon about their sex-lives, but it's fairly safe to assume that a human is not actually able to have sex for twenty-four hours straight).
 * Applying the wrong name or function to various body parts, e.g. assumption that the clitoris is an orifice, or, as on one memorable occasion at Weepingcock, assumption that the prostate is the same thing as the penis.