Assassination Methods

There are many different ways to kill a Sue, ranging from the classical arrow to the chest, to the more creative method of pitting them against another Sue with a similar description. This is an incomplete list of those methods.

Animorphs

 * Black Hole - Used by Agents Tangara and Tawaki against Forlay


 * The mantle of the Hork-Bajir world - Used by Tangara and Tawaki against Gem Stoned.

Discworld

 * Agatean thunder clay and Klatchian coffee - used by Agents Manx, Shadow, and Jill Greenleaf to kill Angua Sue. They strapped her to an activated barrel of Thunder Clay, force-fed her the coffee, and threw her over the edge of the Disc. Klatchian coffee, according to Jill, "strips away the fluffy pink clouds that protect the human mind. And Sues are practically made of those little delusions and plotholes and excuses." Therefore, it causes them to disintegrate. The Thunder Clay exploded before Angua Sue fully disintegrated, thus winning Shadow the five-dollar bet.


 * Assassin's Guild receipt - a handy excuse for leaving bodies lying around in Ankh-Morpork, used by Dafydd and Vemi to explain away the corpses of Lascivia Sto-Helit and a Hogfather impersonator.


 * Auditors - employed by Agents Dafydd and Selene to dispose of Al.


 * Elves - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia for removal of Arwen-replacing Sue.


 * Replica of the Piecemaker - used by Agents Jill and Redd to kill Nakia and destroy the bodies of her and her co-star Zain.


 * Silver - Employed by Agents Dafydd and Vemi to kill Jayson.

Doctor Who/Torchwood

 * Acidic Sea on Marinus - Agent Dustin dropped the impostor Doctor into it.
 * Fairies - The offending Sue was choked using the method the fairies used on anyone who harmed a Chosen One.
 * Happiness Patrol - Agents Tawaki and Dustin gave the impostor Rose to them, and she was presumably killed by the Kandyman.

Firebird Series

 * Crystace - Agents Iskillion and Zan beheaded Ky-Wynn Ekiee Bethia Agosto Kai-Isteea-Calldwell-Bell-Renno-Angelo, after she'd forced Tawaki to turn a dendric striker on himself.

Firefly

 * Reavers - Agents Rez and Flip portalled River!Sue to a reaver ship. Killing Sues thus was officially forbidden soon after.

Fullmetal Alchemist

 * Bullet to the head - employed by Agents Salix and Tan. The unlucky victim...I mean, deserving Sue was named Ria.

Gilbert and Sullivan

 * Exploding Canon Analysis Device - Iskillion and Tawaki threw a doomed CAD at Poke-Mon.
 * Seppuku - Iskillion made Shitty-Ping commit seppuku.

Harry Potter

 * Acromantula - Agents Tawaki and Tadkeeta fed Megan Dumbledore to them.


 * Duelling with Dumbledore - Stu!Dumbledore was given to the *real* Dumbledore by Agents Trojie and Paddlebrains


 * Flesh-Eating Slugs - employed by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove against Blaise Zabini Sue.


 * Fluffy - employed by Agents Manx and Shadow to dispose of a Sue by the name of Marimtudada.


 * Incendio - employed by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove against Ariana Alexis Azivedo and her parents.


 * Long Way Down - Agents July and Library portalled Lily Evans' American Half Sister Sue to the Forbidden Forest. Or, to be more precise, a few hundred feet over the Forbidden Forest. With no broom.


 * Quintaped - Employed by Agents Tawaki and Melpomene against an unidentified daughter of Merlin and Ravenclaw.


 * Sectumsempra - Agent Paddlebrains used this hex to slash the throats of Stu!Harry and Stu!Draco as Harry has 'a nasty habit of dodging' Avada Kedavra.


 * Whomping Willow - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to remove a Sue named Serenity.

Heroes

 * Dropped off the Empire State Building - John Stu was dropped off the roof of the building, hogtied, by Agents Titus and Murtagh.


 * Nerve agent - Agents Titus and Murtagh injected the Sue Dr. Isabella Swan with the nerve agent soman, causing her a slow and painful death.


 * Blown up in Whitebeard's Camp - Agents Titus and Murtagh portalled the Sues Serena and Maggie/Isabelle Lansya to a tent filled with gunpowder in Whitebeard's Camp in 17th Century Japan, moments before Hiro Nakamura blew up the tent with Takezo Kensei and the Sues inside.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

 * The Great Hrung Disaster - Iskillion, Tawaki, and Hul portalled Calca Avis to Betelgeuse 5 just before the Hrung collapsed on it.

Land Before Time

 * 13 Agents. And a Horse. Original go of LxC. Self explanatory.


 * Beartrap and Ants - Trojie took Sue!Cera down with a bear-trap, hogtied her and rolled her down a hill, covered in honey, into an ant nest.


 * C4 BBQ Another round of LxC. The grandparent!Sues were exploded courtesy of C4 from the Stargate continuum, and then barbecued.


 * Lava - LxC. Sue!Ali and Stu!Littlefoot are herded through a portal into a lava pit and, in the words of Agent Trojie - 'crispy fried'.


 * Meteor - LxC. Trojie and Pads teleported Grandma!Sue and Grandpa!Stu from LxC to the location of the Chicxulub crater 65 million years ago. Before there was a crater there.


 * Meteor - LxC. Sue!Cera and Stu!Littlefoot, after being stunned.


 * Vivisectioned - LxC. Trojie vivisectioned tranquilized Sue!Ali and Stu!Littlefoot.

Lord of The Rings

 * Axe - Agents Achren and Obsidian killed Amy Caduceus with one.


 * Balrog - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to kill Anirana and Hanae.


 * Burning - Agents Jay and Acacia burned down the noncanonical area of woodland in which a Sue named Pangaea was standing. Also used by Agents Dafydd and Selene to remove the noncanonical village of Hasland, along with Amariel Halfelven and Theaden of Lórien.


 * Cave Collapse - A non-canonical cave system collapsed after the death of the Sue responsible for its existence, killing all of her kin, the Betrayed, trapped within.


 * Cracks of Doom - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to kill Alex and Charlie.


 * Crebain - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to dispose of Akasha.


 * Glaurung - the dragon. Used by Agents Jay and Acacia to destroy Elvira Magiseer and Silavren Silvereyes.


 * Guards of Menegroth - used by Dafydd and Selene to kill Daeron.


 * Huorns - Dafydd and Selene gave a wounded and poisoned Adariel of Lakewood to the Huorns.


 * Lightning - Agent Selene's weather-controlling abilities were used to destroy the noncanonical country of Silmador, along with its princess, Eledhwen Vanyarda Chúhana.


 * Midgewater - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to get rid of Emma and Kivan Silverblade.


 * Miss Cam and the Elves In Black - of OFUM, employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to deal with Andromielle Zinnia.


 * Moria - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to dispose of Mithril Starlight.


 * Mumakil - used by Agents Jay and Rhus to destroy the body of Candace Van Allen.


 * Old Man Willow - Agents Mara and Isaiah released Kasey, Samantha, Shandell, Keira. Allyson and Rachel into the Old Forest, where the trees conspired to herd them down to Old Man Willow, who lured them in with his song and crushed them to death.


 * Orcs - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to dispose of Phoenix.


 * Orthanc - Agents Jay and Acacia threw Alexis Moonbeam off the tower's roof.


 * Poison - Agent Constance Sims forced poison down the throat of Imarátoiel, who had mentioned that she wanted to be dosed. You should really be careful what you wish for, especially if you are a Sue being hunted by PPC Agents.


 * Ring of Sairalindë - magical ring taken from a Sue, used by Agent Dafydd to destroy Celebrian and her orcs.


 * Sacrificed to GreyLadyBast - Evelyn Sue was brought back to HQ after Shadowfax declined the opportunity to kill her for placing a saddle and bridle on him. Agents Mara and Isaiah then allowed her to be used in the initiation of Agent Miiro.


 * Sea - used by Agents Jay and Acacia for bulk disposal of Deminica and her eight co-Sues (Arond, Mianatis, Galami, Shirlia, Carenada, Adromeda, Lanalei and Kylina).


 * Shelob - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to kill Gwendolyn Elizabeth Huntington.


 * Shot with an arrow - Agent Dafydd used this method to kill Táraundomewen. Also used on various occasions by Jay and Acacia, although Acacia was noted for her use of poisoned arrows.


 * Smaug - employed by Agents Fireblade, Keitaro, and Kali against Honesah Hoononee Keemo.


 * Stalagmites - Agents Mara and Rosie impaled Felina on stalagmites in Aglarond.


 * Tevildo - Agents Jaster and Threnody fed a You!Sue to him.


 * Warg disguises - Employed by Jaster, Threnody, and Harmony against Honesah.


 * Watcher in the Water - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to dispose of Laurel.


 * Witch-king - employed by Agents Dafydd and Selene to kill Sairalindë. Apparently the Witch-king did not recognise her as his daughter, despite her claims to this status.

Mossflower

 * Adder triplets - employed by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove against Kurda Sue.


 * Asmodeus - employed by Agents Rena and Shay to kill Psilophyta Magnoliopsida.


 * Bloodwrath - Agent Tawaki attacked an abbeyful of Sues while Melpomene read the charges.


 * Broken skull - Agent Drake, accompanied by Naomi, Stormsong and Skyfire, killed Silvamord Sue, a.k.a. Suevamord, by crushing her skull with a solid silver, um, shall we say, "object", which she had recently been using. The body was then skinned and dumped in Castle Floret's moat.


 * Canon Catapult - used by Agents Mara and Isaiah to purge Sampetra of the influence of Rinj. It didn't kill her, but it did turn her into a normal corsair rat rather than a Sue (eg "ugly, craven and stupid"). Also used by Laburnum and Foxglove for bulk killing of a noncanonical vermin horde.


 * Disembowelment - Agent Jill is a werewolf, and used her wolf form to maul Zain and Darkhan when on a mission with Agent Redd. The body, the co-star Sue Nakia, and the building they had been in were then destroyed with a replica of Discworld's "Piecemaker" weapon.


 * Gloomer - employed by Agents Nin Brandt and Luxury for convenient disposal of Tsarmina Sue, a.k.a. Tsuemina.


 * Ruggan Bor with a sabre - pointed at Rosebay Willowherb by Agents Manx and Shadow. Exactly what he did will be omitted for reasons of good taste.


 * Salamandastron - employed by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove to dispose of Cregga Sue and Bladestripe. This may sound odd until one considers that Salamandastron is an extinct volcano, and therefore if one portals back in time far enough, at some point it must have been active ...


 * Skrabblag - employed by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove against Mariel Sue.


 * Teeth of the Deeps - employed by Agents Naomi and Drake to dispose of Fernflower.


 * Yo Karr - employed by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove for bulk disposal of Katie, David, Jessica Jenks, Jessica Clark, Jane, Heather, Chris and Logan (also known as Tigerlily, Aggron, Crystallyn, Jane, Yeather, Dixon and Tollaw - or possibly Tallow, it changed at random moments).

Myst

 * Camoudile - Employed by Tangara and Kedri'Neref against Dyzl ro'Jinte


 * Selenitic Mazerunner - Agents Hammertong and Tangara ran The Stranger's sister over with the Mazerunner.


 * Spire's atmosphere - Hammertong and Tangara weighted Barm's body to increase his terminal velocity and pushed him off Spire.


 * Wahrk - Employed by Hammertong and Tangara against Rheim son of Sirrus.


 * Ymur - Hammertong and Tangara gave Evil!Yeesha to Ymur, who hated all Ronay with a passion.

Narnia

 * Deathwater Island - employed by Agents Nick and Tawaki to kill Andrantiel.


 * The Deplorable Word - After Nick was incapacitated, Tawaki portalled Erik Servint to Charn just before Jadis destroyed it.


 * Flames - Employed by Nick and Tawaki against Narnia Evenshire.


 * The ice plains that remained of the world - Agents Nick and Tawaki took Elizabeth Bennet to the ice plain.


 * Repeated hoof blows - Agents Tawaki, Melpomene, and Tadkeeta kicked Katarina, James, Lily, and Matthew Terrence to death in Centaur disguise.


 * Sword - Employed by Nick and Tawaki against Toulouse, the Talking Cat Stu. Nick stabbed him in the heart (nine times, to be on the safe side).


 * The Tisroc - Nick and Tawaki took Felicity Brown to Calormen, where she mouthed off to the Tisroc.

Naruto

 * Shredded by Agent Drake - Agent Drake is an anthropomorphic fox, who took the vulpine characteristics of Uchiha Foxx as a personal attack and fought her to the death while both were in full-fox form. Not much was left of her at the end.

Peanuts

 * Cruise missiles - Employed by Agents Tadkeeta and Tawaki against the Canon Sues and Stus of WhereverthefuckthePeanutsliveat Town.

Pirates of the Caribbean

 * Burned to death - Ashlee met her painful demise when one of her own compatriots swung a burning torch too close to her tarred and feathered body.


 * Challenger Deep - the deepest point of the Marianas Trench. Agents Jira and SchmuckLeigh threw a weighted-down Salina Marie Doubou (aka Salina Rose) into it.


 * Drowning - Agents Mara and Isaiah allowed Bo'sun to punch Lauren Sue over the side of the Pearl. The broken/cracked ribs caused by the punch ensured that she didn't stay above water for too long.


 * Given to Agent Shmuckleigh - Agents Mara and Isaiah gave Shay Leigh Turner to Agent Shmuckleigh, who happily disposed of the Sue that dared steal her name.


 * Hanging - used by Agent Isaiah to kill Crystallina Sparrow.


 * Port Royal citizens - Tiernan, James, Phil and Amanda were tarred and feathered and set loose in Port Royal where the citizens dealt with them for proclaiming, rather loudly, that they were pirates.


 * Punctuation Shower - Maggie Sue was sentenced to be used as a shield by Agent Mara during a downpour of all the punctuation that had been missed out by her Suethor creator.


 * Keelhauling - Maria Fauntez was keelhauled three times by Agents A. Gallowglass and Lena Montrose, then the remains were weighted-down and dumped into the sea off the coast of Jamaica.

Star Trek

 * D'k tahg - Employed by Tawaki and Melpomene against Sarah Janeway.


 * Lirpa - Tawaki killed Aeryn with a lirpa.

Star Wars

 * Blorash Jelly - Intern Hul destroyed OOP-937 with blorash jelly.

Sub-Department of Rare Fandoms

 * Broken neck - Several Sues found their demise when their neck was broken by agent Allison.


 * Bullet to the head - Tasmin's favorite method of assassination is a bullet to the head.


 * Crossbow - One Sue in MacGyver was assassinated by shooting an arrow at her with a crossbow.


 * Decapitation - Sean Brock was decapitated with a samurai sword by agent Allison.


 * Garotte - On her second encounter with agent Allison Cassandra Thompson was strangled using a piano wire.


 * Shovel - Cassandra Thompson was first beaten to death with a shovel on a graveyard, and then left in an open grave.


 * Strangulation - Allison strangled one Murdock luster with her bare hands.


 * Thrown off a roof - It is not actually possible to kill someone in A-Team fandom by throwing them off a roof.

The Matrix

 * Squiddies - Agents Achren and Obsidian left Shadow on the Nebuchadnezzar just before its destruction.

Video Games

 * Strangulation - Agent Arti strangled an Imposter!Stu with the towel he had worn into the mission. The body was then dumped in the Halo-Verse where it was sniped and subjected to the usual treatment employed by the victor.

Watership Down

 * A hawk's beak - Tawaki, disguised as a hawk, mangled Bunny as the fic was being deleted.

Miscellaneous Other

 * Agent Luxury - employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to dispose of the corpses of Aislinn the unicorn and Link. Best not to ask what she does with them.


 * Agent X - Tore Vearanniel apart with a maximum of pain and suffering.


 * The cold storm from "Annabelle Lee" - employed by Agents Suicide and Ithalond to kill Anna-Belle Dialer.


 * Drip Tiberius Rat - demonic personification of Lust from the webcomic Jack (NSFW). Jackson Earl Simon was given to him by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove. Shortly afterwards, Drip was forbidden as an execution method and Laburnum and Foxglove were placed in therapy yet again.


 * Flames - the PPC-verse version of flame emails, which actually are literal flames. Employed by Agents Jay and Acacia to kill Ariuella Shadowfox.


 * Frustrated villain - Big Brother was none too pleased when Lossenlindëiel failed to retain a segment of the Key to Canon.


 * Geographical expansion - Agents Dafydd and Selene were forced to take on "legolas by laura", in which Mordor is suddenly two hundred yards away from Mirkwood. They fixed this by tying the Sue's arms to a rock in Mordor and her legs to a tree in Mirkwood, then knocking her out, allowing the canonical distance to snap back.


 * Headcrabs - of the Half-Life continuum. Agents Titus and Murtagh threw the Stu, John Freeman, into a known headcrab nest (the bottom of the Ravenholm mineshaft), where he was bitten and poisoned to death - slowly.


 * Hobbers - worshippers of the rat god Hobb in Robin Jarvis' Deptford Mice books, known for skinning sacrificial victims alive in a process known as the "bloodybones". Used by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove to kill Mariel Sue.


 * Red - of the webcomic No Rest for the Wicked. Hates "clever beasts" and therefore was a perfect execution method for the Cluny replacement of That Series, whom she chopped up with her axe, despite the fact that "clever beasts" was stretching a point with that particular character replacement. Used by Agents Manx and Shadow.


 * Redneck Trees - of the webcomic Something Positive. Talking trees which use their roots to ... you don't want to know. Employed by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove (Stormsong and Skyfire were present, but deny all responsibility) to kill two Pointless Rapist Bit-Characters by the names of Raketooth and Crabclaw from a Redwall fic. Officially forbidden as an execution method shortly after they used it.


 * The Jaunt - from a Stephen King short story, used by Agents Laburnum and Foxglove to remove a Lisa Simpson Sue. Evidence suggests the Jaunt disassembles the body on a molecular level while leaving the brain alive to experience an apparent eternity with no outside input, which generally annihilates the sanity. If set to Nil, the body is not reassembled at the other end, thus making it a perfect body disposal system.


 * "Trampled to death by a rabid Led Zeppelin audience" - employed by Agent Trojanhorse to dispose of Kasia and Elleelen.