Trojanhorse

Agent Trojanhorse (Trojie) is a Bad Slash agent specialising in NC-17 badslash from any universe, and especially that involving Real People. She is one of four Agent characters written by Trojanhorse Heales-Shadowfax (the others being Agents Lasa and Montbretia of the Department of Angst, and Agent Gypsy, a Jossverse Bad Het agent who has not yet appeared in any PPC missions except the MSTing of 'Dragon Fever'.

Trojie has recently recruited a new partner, Agent Paddlebrains, who has been ambushed and will be forced into helping with Littlefoot x Cera, and then made to withstand smutfic with Trojie. This should be entertaining.

Appearance
Agent Trojie is of average height, generic Caucasian, with mucky-blonde hair which she keeps in a ponytail that reaches to her waist. She will generally wear a pair of tattered jeans and an even more tattered band shirt, with her PPC uniform jacket over the top, unless forced into full uniform by one of the Flowers That Be. She wears glasses.

Character
In general, Trojie is easy-going, when not confronted by poor biology or rape scenes. Her language is creatively filthy, and her most often over-heard saying is 'in the Holy Name of Kurt Cobain!' Her lust-objects are any of the members of Nirvana or Led Zeppelin, Dave Lister, and Faramir. Trojie likes to think of herself as musical, and indeed she listens to and plays a lot of music. Her singing voice is best described as 'enthusiastic but haphazard', and she plays the guitar in much the same way. Trojie suffers from Discworld kleptomania. In any other continuum she is as sane and work-orientated as any Agent can be expected to be, but when in the Discworld or indeed any Terry Pratchett (and to a lesser extent Neil Gaiman) continuum, she will compulsively steal anything that isn't nailed down. These range from things like pigeon feathers, chip wrappers and dried turds, to valuables and legendary Disc artefacts. A list of the more interesting things Trojie has stolen follows:

The gloomy and purposeless trousers of Uncle Vanya

Cuddy’s broken axe

One of the gold coins Mad Sweeney gave Shadow

A bottle of Wow-Wow Sauce

A copy of the first Ankh-Morpork Times edition

Newt’s firelighters and thumbscrew

A bit of paper autographed by ‘Ande Supporting Bands’ when they were ‘Lead Balloon’

A ‘Band With Rocks In’ t-shirt

Wednesday’s silver tie pin

The bells of the Glingleglingleglingle Fairy

The stuffed badger from Night Watch

One of the rubies the bard dropped at the end of The Last Hero

The New Pie and most of the other bits of the Sorting Engine

Quantum Weather Butterflies

Partners
Trojie's long-time partner, Agent Soulshadow is on a long-term hiatus due to her anger-management issues. Trojie has undergone missions solo, has sporked the Legendary Badfic Land Before Time: Littlefoot x Cera with Agent Zach Homewood, and is currently dealing with fics with partners Agent Sparky and Agent Lizzy, which will be posted once complete. Her permanent partner in all things, since the sporking of 'Forbidden Love', is Absinthe, a green-brindled, over-sized Great Dane bitch, whose talents include apparently endless slobber, and the ability to sniff out characters from the Words. Trojie usually just calls her 'dog'. Her new permanent partner is Agent Paddlebrains, a Potterverse animagus. They suit each other well, both being snarky and gutterminded, and what with Trojie being a dog-handler, Pads' occasional need for a walk is understood. Lately Pads has been trying to woo Trojie. Trojie is trying to put her off, but appears to be unsuccessful. Trojie would like to take this opportunity to remind Pads of the HQ definition of partner, particularly the second section ...

Missions and Timeline
2003:

Agent Trojanhorse recruited (DBS)

Mission One: Amin Ai Olin

Mission Two: Morning After

Agent Soulshadow recruited, and eventually partnered with Trojanhorse

Mission Three: Forbidden Love

2004:

Mission Four: Hotel Nights

Mission Five: True Love Can Conquer All

Around late 2004, Trojie is found to be compulsively stealing small items from the Discworld and Good Omensverse, and is banned from any continuua involving Terry Pratchett and/or Neil Gaiman unless specifically ordered to go there for a mission.

2005:

Department of Angst formed, Agent Trojie helps out in their first mission.

Agent Soulshadow declared MIA: possibly lost in the bowels of Medical or escaped to an unknown continuum.

Trojie continues missions with one-off partners;

Mission Six: Downer with Agent Sparky

After Downer, Trojie is not heard of for some time. She spent most of 2006 in hiding, it appears. Details as they come out.

2007:

Mission Seven: Love is Stronger than Pride with Agent Lizzy

2008:

Mission Eight: Rhymes With Bang Bang Sob, solo.

Agent Paddlebrains recruited.

Mission Nine: Littlefoot x Cera with Agent Zach Homewood

Agent Paddlebrains partnered with Agent Trojanhorse.

Mission Ten (unreleased): To The Moon - otherwise known as Paedo!Harry

Following the realisation that Gillyweed does not, in fact, get you high, Paddlebrains embarks on the Quest for the Sentient Cannabis Plant; Trojie is unwillingly dragged along.

Mission Eleven (unreleased): A Promise to be Kept - technically July and Library's mission; Trojie and Pads come along for the ride, purely for fun and not to nick anything at all, honest.

Mission Twelve: Out in the Rain - Trojie reveals that she has stolen the New Pie from the Discworld. Hints that this may be used for something drastic in the future. Paddlebrains starts stealing the boots of every Disc character she can mug. Both Agents vow to steal Disc missions from other Agents wherever possible

Mission Thirteen: LxC: The DinoSue Strikes Back - Trojie practises her vivisection skills

Mission Fourteen (unreleased): Pain - Trojie is subjected to the horrors of prepubescent interspecies non-con mpreg

Mission Fifteen: LxC: Return of the DinoSue

Mission Sixteen: Fun in Buckland. Trojie finds another reason to resist femmeslash.