Celebrian (badfic)

Celebrian is a smut fanfiction story set in Middle-earth. It is infamous for its graphic, and disgusting, sex scenes, and reading it is something of a rite of passage for PPCers. It generally leaves readers unable to stand vanilla ice cream or the color lavender for some time after reading it. Another PPC tradition is to censor the title when writing, e.g. "C*l*br**n."

Plot
"Celebrian" takes place just after Elrond's wife, Celebrian, has been captured by orcs while traveling through the Redhorn Pass. the orcs dress her in an almost non-existent garment, which reveals her lavender nipplis and labia. She is forced to perform oral sex on the king of the orcs, then given a drug that makes her want to have sex, before being sent to her cell. Before long, an Elf from Rivendell, Ithalond, is brought to her cell and she tries to nurse him back to health. The king threatens to cut off his feet unless she has sex with him. She agrees, and Ithalond, after seeing her do so, accuses her of being unfaithful to Elrond. Ithalond later dies. Celebrian is then brought before the king and and asked if she wishes to have have larger breasts. Under the influence of the drug, she agrees, and the orcs give her a liquid that makes her breasts grow. She is fed milk, which accelerates the process.

Soon after, Celebrian is rescued by Elrond and brought to Rivendell. While she is there, a group of merchants arrive, and she eats vanilla ice cream for the first time. Elrond, noticing how much she enjoys it, decides to have it made in Rivendell. Unfortunately, the ice cream makes her breasts grow. Elrond notices and performs a spell that should stop the growth, but it doesn't work. Eventually they become large enough that the author decides to make her use them in bizarre forms of masturbation. At this point, the other Elves, as well as Elrond and the reader, are disgusted by her.

A second group of merchants, these ones from Harad, arrive; with them is Manet, a part-orc. He leaves a package for Celebrian, which turns out to contain an animated dildo. This, too, becomes part of a graphic masturbation scene, which is interrupted by Manet. He threatens to (figuratively) expose her to Elrond, unless she has sex with him and shows him the secret passages out of Rivendell. She does both, then starts feasting on ice cream. Manet soon returns, and she escapes with him. He brings her to another group of orcs (the other group was killed) and she becomes the orc-king's queen. First she has to perform oral sex on his guard, includong the wargs and horses. Then all of her teeth are pulled out to make this easier, because it is her new daily routine. The story ends with a description of her decades later: "thoroughly depraved and thoroughly pleased with her life."