Legolas by laura

"legolas, by Laura" is the penultimate mission in the Tales from DOGA spinoff. It marks the final appearance of Selene Windflower in the spinoff, and is the first Legendary Badfic tackled by Dafydd Illian (and one of the first killed by the PPC). The mission was written by Huinesoron.

Context
In a year and a half with the Department of Geographical Aberrations, Dafydd Illian had expanded from specialising in Lord of the Rings to tackling a wide range of canons. His original partner, Selene Windflower, remained a specialist, and all of their missions together took place in that continuum.

At the time, the PPC had tackled only one Legendary Badfic, when Alec Troven was sent into the Marrissa Picard series as a punishment. Although many of the current Legendaries had yet to be written, "legolas by laura" was already famous: ''Dafydd shook his head. "But this thing... it's practically legendary. It's one of the worst LotR 'fics around. It's almost as infamous as 'Celebrían'..."'' It is not known why Upstairs decided to send DOGA on a routine mission into a Legendary, although the fact that Dafydd had just been injured by a stampede of Nac Mac Feegles may have led them to think it was Funny.

The Mission
The agents observed the badfic without disguises, entering at the beginning and continuing through until Laura was poisoned by Orcs from Mondor (sic). Along the way, they discovered that their CAD had been programmed to shut down in Legendary Badfics, found every character to be OOC, and encountered an instance of the badfic's canon being so thin that the actual canon began to bleed through.

Once they identified a geographical aberration – Mirkwood and Mondor (sic) being only a short distance apart – they were able to take the Suvian captive and charge her. They did the Duty by tying Laura to the two sides of the geographical compression and knocking her unconscious so that two hundred miles of Middle-earth reasserted itself in the middle of her.

Charges
"'Laura,' [Dafydd] said, taking a deep breath, 'on my authority as an agent of the PPC, Department of Geographical Aberrations, I charge you with distorting the characters of Legolas, Thranduil, Gandalf, Aragorn and Sauron, rampant abuse of the English language, using uncanonical names, lack of pacing, making Legolas sound like an idiot, giving Legolas a castle, accelerated aging, treating Legolas like a personal slave, stupid clothing, creating the mini-Balrogs Mondor, Strdier and Milkwood, causing orcs to perform pointless activities, giving Sauron multiple personalities, complete lack of punctuation, lack of respect for the dangers of Mirkwood, complete lack of logic, causing Aragorn to apparently forget Arwen, bringing tea into Mirkwood, almost killing a PPC Agent, nearly creating a canon rift, giving Mirkwood stupid guards, or possibly gards, making Legolas act like an idiot, massive geographical compression, making orcs obey a 'Sue's commands, giving Sauron asbestos armour, making Sauron stupid, tying chains in knots, causing orcs to commit utterly weird acts, severely annoying PPC agents and being an utter Mary-Sue.'"

Links

 * "legolas, by Laura"
 * Mission report
 * "legolas by laura"
 * Rehosted badfic
 * Legolas by laura
 * Fanlore article on the badfic

Trivia

 * This is the only mission of the original run of Tales from DOGA not to be a cowrite.
 * The mission does not reach the famously abrupt ending of "legolas by laura": Then the door opened and it was Strider and then Laura said"Hello Strider"and then Strider said"I see you are awake"and then Laura. This ending came about because of the word limit on Quizilla, where it was originally posted.
 * "Laura" is incidentally similar to the Quenya word laurë meaning "gold colour". However, since Legolas is Sindarin, it is unlikely he would have given a Quenya name.