Miah Arthur

Agent Miah Arthur is an assassin in the Department of Mary Sues. She works in the Freelance Division, because she can't just pick one fandom to obsess about. Her favorite canons to work in are Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, and Haven.

Origin
After being rescued from a Semi-Fic Blip almost written by an amateur author, Miah bounced around the net for many years, serving as an Internet avatar. One day while working in her role as an avatar, she came across a PPC mission of Tasmin and Allison that had been leaked to the Internet, and followed the source of the leak back to the HQ. She is delighted to have finally found a story world to call home, instead of just working as an Internet user name.

She has watched and loved many television based worlds. She has read many, many fanfics set in these universes and has been deeply saddened and offended on many occasions by the fangirl!treatment of her favorite characters.

Appearance
Miah is 5'8" and has light brown hair that she nearly always wears in a ponytail. Her typical attire consists of jeans, plain t-shirts, and&mdash;when she's wearing wearing shoes&mdash;beat-up tennis shoes (always the same pair, because, really, what is the point of owning 20 or more pairs of shoes?) Her clothing choice is dictated by whatever smells the cleanest from the pile on the floor.

Personality and Habits
Miah is violent, liking to punch, whap, Gibbs-smack, etc., and is quick to shoot people with her tranquilizer dart or zat gun. She also tends to be loud, likes to make things explode go 'boom', and can generally be gruff. She is likely to rant loudly at badfics, takes too much Bleeprin, and tends to want to bring torture items with her to particularly bad missions.

She has also let slip that she has a more sensitive side by comforting Cali after a mission that really got to him and talking the SO into lessening Cadmar's punishment. She tends toward mothering those around her, doing things like making sure she has wet wipes and motion sickness pills for Cali on missions with bad transitions, giving thoughtful gifts, making sure everyone is fed, and cowing the minis through that mystical power only mothers have to make people mind. She has never been willing to talk about her backstory, so no one knows why she has those tendencies.

She can always be bribed with chocolate, and particularly loves brownies. She is in the habit of knitting scarves that look like the one the fourth Doctor (played by Tom Baker) wore. These are given away as welcome gifts to new boarders and agents, as the darn things just take up too much room otherwise. She likes to make random Monty Python references.

She enjoys a messy environment, and feels that excess neatness is a sure sign of a diseased mind.

More than anything, she hates canons forced out of character, particularly for the purpose of satisfying shippers.

Miah suffers from chronic Sueicosis due to an overdose of glitter from an exploding Sue in one of her first missions with the PPC (no report was ever recorded). Her lungs are more vulnerable than most to excess amounts of airborne glitter. She carries an Anti-Lustin inhaler with her in case she encounters excess glitter on a mission. In one case when the inhaler was missing due to Disguise Generator malfunctions, she started talking like a fanbrat and became convinced that Cali was Anthony Dinozzo. She spent most of the mission incapacitated and trying to glomp her partner, culminating in a race through the halls to Medical.

Partner and Other Creatures Living in the Lair
She has had the same partner for four years now, a superhero wannabe from the Mystery Men continuum named Cali Still. His superhero identity is the Don of Daylight. When he is not posing and giving huge false smiles, he can generally be found cleaning. He has an amazing knack for organizing almost any mess. He has mellowed somewhat both in the posing and the cleaning since he started dating Cadmar.


 * Castor: a small, fluffy, gray cat with wings and opposable thumbs. He is a creation of Agent Eileen's, and therefore has a tendency toward mad science when he is bored. Agent Eileen gave Castor to Miah and Cali after the unfortunate incident of the litter of kittens working together to spike the Flowers' plant food with Bleepsinthe. So far, the idea of keeping Castor out of trouble has not worked too well. Miah and Cali think they may have been able to make peace with DoSAT now, but they are still being ultra-careful with the technology.


 * Magee: a mini-LEO who speaks with an Irish accent, sings off-color drinking songs, uses rude words, and collaborates with Castor to manipulate technology. He prefers his bacon cooked.


 * Abbey: a mini-LEO who speaks with a Redwall woodlander accent, has a serious sweet tooth, likes Magee, cannot tolerate caffeine as well as her original, and also collaborates with Castor on the manipulation of technology.


 * Dinozo: a mini-LEO of Dinozzo. The frat boy tendencies of the canon character were amped up to be the only characterization of Dinozzo in the fic that created Dinozo. Unfortunately, Dinozo took on those qualities. He is a tiny little sexist jerk who is compelled to attempt to feel up any female agent he meets, while simultaneously insulting them with sexist language. Miah controls him by being the only one in the RC capable of frying bacon. Cali once offered to duct tape him to the ceiling, so he wouldn't bother Cadmar.


 * Ronan: a mini-Wraith. He was originally being fostered in the Lair until the pair of agents that requested him were out of training, but they disappeared in a training accident, and Agent Miah is way too attached to him to give him up now. He does not speak, but is very communicative with body language and facial expressions. He is dressed like Ronon Dex: brown leather clothes, tiny gun (capable of making small cigarette-like burns), and dreadlocks. He is rather messy, likes his bacon raw, and enjoys leaving sucker marks from his feeding hand on walls, on people, on other minis, etc.


 * Hauk'Tauri: a mini-Unas. He has not been able to show much personality as of yet, since he was stuck in a location inaccessible until the agents had gathered enough charges to interrupt his fic of origin. He has mid-sized horns, medium brown skin with dark green mottling, a tiny spear, and a bone collar necklace, and wears crudely crafted furs. He had already accepted Cali (thanks to chocolate energy bar distribution) by the end of the mission.


 * Lt. Colonel Samantha Cater: a mini-Unas. This mini-Unas is a female, and has accepted Hauk'Tauri as her mate. They built a nest in the perpetual laundry pile under Miah's hammock, and produced three offspring. When the offspring are grown, they will set out to find a name in a badfic as their coming of age ritual. The mini-Unas family is largely self-contained. They keep to themselves unless one of the other occupants of the RC are disturbing the babies.

Mission Reports
Home: RC 4096: The Lair

Partnered with Cali

 * First Interlude: "How Cali Met Miah"
 * You thought he was a nursery orphan and he's unconscious why?


 * First Mission: "Miah and Cali Versus the Wraith Lover" (Stargate Atlantis)
 * In between blello Jolly Rogers on the SO's office walls and gutted disguise generators, Miah and Cali deal with a Stargate Atlantis Sue who creates an OC replacement, Not!Todd, as the target of her affections. Also, introducing Castor, the winged mad scientist in cuddly kitten form. Marinade yum!


 * Second Mission: "Of Glitter and Men" (NCIS)
 * Miah makes kissy noises, Castor enjoys pumpkin guts a bit too much, Cali rescues four children, and the NCIS continuum is saved from a fluffy wangst!Sue and her plague of glitter. Castor was so getting grounded&mdash;no mad science for a week!


 * Third Mission: "Pillows and Zats and Sues, Oh My!" (Lord of the Rings x Star Wars), with Trainee Cadmar
 * Miah and Cali take agent-in-training Cadmar on this crossover mission. Ten! There Are Ten! (Co-write with Caddy-shack)


 * Fourth Mission: "Almost Lost" (Stargate Atlantis x LotR)
 * In this mission to a crossover between Stargate Atlantis and LotR, it's a race against deletion where Sue-killing, continuum-disentangling, songs inappropriate for minors, and fights between minis and winged kittens are all part of the job. ... She, ugh, kisses zombie!Théodred.


 * Cameo A: "Maybe You Should Have Shot Him"
 * Cali tells Miah "maybe you should have shot him" after they meet Unger in the HQ Lounge.


 * Fifth Mission: "Not Dead Yet" ( NSFW/NSFB ) (Stargate SG-1), with Agents Kaliel/Maeryn (DBS)
 * Touch your tongues to your brains, check your peanut butter supply, and don't forget your Bleeprin for this mission that DAVD sent Kali, Maeryn, Miah, and Cali on. (Co-write with Pretzel)


 * Sixth Mission: "A Year and a Day"
 * (unfinished) (Co-write with Caddy-shack)


 * Cameo B: "First Contact"
 * Caddy's agent intro. You are one lousy liar, kid. (by Caddy-shack with only a cameo from me)


 * Seventh Mission: "Soap Opera-ness Is Totally a Word" (Merlin)
 * Miah and Cali come across unexpected good fortune while they face the mind-destroying levels of stupidity in this Merlin Bad AU mission. Miah breaks a rule or two, a mini is lost, but returned, and they discover the first documented mini-Questing Beast.


 * Cameo C: "The Delivering of a Mini"
 * By Pretzel. A brief interlude in which Agents Lee and Ian deliver an NCIS mini, Abbey, to the Lair.


 * Second Interlude: "Truth or Dare I"
 * Kissing sludge monsters? Verbal sparring? Illogical attempts at logic? All part of a PPC team-building exercise. I dare you! (Co-write with Caddy-shack)


 * Cameo D: "Home, Sweet Home"
 * Miah and Cali are the first to see that Lee has been found when she and Ian return Ronan to the Lair. You brought him back? (Co-write with Pretzel)


 * Cameo E: "NCIS Mini Adoption Center"
 * Enter at Your Own Risk.


 * Eighth Mission: "K is for Cabal" (Sanctuary)
 * Miah and Cali stop a history-rewriting Rebellious!Sue. Quick! To the Internet!


 * Ninth Mission: "The 'Russian Roulette With All Six Shots' Mission," Part 1, Part 2 (Sanctuary)
 * Miah and Cali are sent on a mini-mission marathon in the Sanctuary canon.


 * MST I: "Sanctuary Rap" ( NSFW/NSFB )
 * Cali tries to watch a movie with Kaliel/Maeryn, but when Luxury shows up with Dr. Tesla in tow, they end up stuck watching a badfic instead. I didn't know you could rap, Tesla! (Co-write with Caddy-shack and Pretzel)


 * Tenth Mission: "Dragon Lady," Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (Harry Potter), Miah with Agents Cadmar, Maria Nightingale, and Mark Sienna (DF)
 * Miah is sent to aid Cadmar, Mark, and Maria in killing a Harry Potter Sue. Poor planning, poor maintenance, and bad luck end with a shocking consequence for one of the agents. (Co-write with Caddy-shack)


 * Third Interlude: "Picking Up the Pieces"
 * The agents begin the process of coping with the aftermath of the "Dragon Lady" mission. And still life must go on. (Co-write with Caddy-shack)


 * Eleventh Mission: "Optional" (Harry Potter x Sanctuary), with Agents Cadmar, Maria, and Mark (DF)
 * The plot continues in the saga of genderbent!Cadmar, when Miah "requests" another mission with Cadmar, Cali, Mark, and Maria. Be careful what you wish for.


 * Twelfth Mission: "Bark at the Moon" (Sanctuary)
 * Miah and Cali confront a Sanctuary Sue who psychologically tortures a canon character while making herself look like the victim. No, the Ironic Overpower has it in for you.


 * Fourth Interlude: "Truth or Dare II"
 * Cadmar, Cali, Florestan, Mark, Maria, and Miah play another round of Truth or Dare. Relationships flourish, embarrassment abounds, and the sludge monster under the sink makes a guest appearance.


 * Thirteenth Mission: "Sateda" (Stargate Atlantis), Miah with Agent Cadmar (DF)
 * After Cadmar and Cali's first date, Miah interrogates Cadmar on her intentions during a mission in Stargate Atlantis that includes the youngest Sue yet. It was like that rabbit scene in Holy Grail! (Co-write with Caddy-shack)


 * Fifth Interlude: "McKaLoy's Fortnight"
 * What could possibly happen when a McKay-based mini-Wraith takes apart the RA? Miah and Cadmar arrive a bit late from the "Sateda" mission. So, at no time did you think, "Hey. Bringing this particular mini home would, I don't know, BE A BAD IDEA"?


 * Fourteenth Mission: (unfinished)


 * Sixth Interlude: "Christmas... On Sheep Cloning Day?"
 * On the count of three. One, two, three, D'awwwww. (Some of the gifts are mildly NSFW)


 * Fifteenth Mission: "Re-Run" (Burn Notice)
 * Biker-accountants?!


 * Sixteenth Mission: "Against All Odds" (Stargate Atlantis), Cali with Cadmar (DF)
 * Cadmar visits Cali as he is recovering from injuries from his previous mission, and they get assigned a fic where AU is only the beginning of the description. Read on to discover whether Cadmar's bedroom walls are covered with messages written in blood, what color Cali's eyes are, and what happens when one of the SGA guys gets pregnant.